The Million Dollar Question

What's In The News Today?

Genius!!

From the Independent On Line - www.iol.co.za

Bus Passengers Treated to Soft Porn

Bus passengers in Sofia are being shown soft porn films on giant video screens at night.

During the day the plasma screens in the Bulgarian capital show bus times, but the night shift now has the porn films on view.

A spokesperson for the station management said: "We wanted to give the passengers something to take their minds off the cold and to pass the time while waiting for a bus, and there are unlikely to be children around that time of night."

The move however has angered many, including mothers with young children, who say the movies are a disgrace.

They also claim the security guards have stopped patrolling for troublemakers, and spend their time watching the giant screens instead. - Ananova.com

What I Are Been Reading....

Also this weekend I finally got my sticky little paws on a copy of Delta of Venus by Anais Nin. Zoe lent me the copy that's she's had since she was 18 and it's a beautiful copy. It has the cover shown and is yellowing and obviously old. I'll look after it dude, I promise!!

What can I say about this book?

Whoop whoop! Awoooga! Rrrrroooowrrrr! Zoinks!

Go read it!!!

From Vampire Hunters to Dirty Old Men... In One Weekend!

Friday was my colleague Ewen's birthday so we went to Assembly for drinks after work as they have a 2-for-1 offer on cocktails. Several raspberry mules and a couple of white Russians later and Ewen managed to get me to ingest my first ever Friday night kebab. It was a chicken kebab with garlic sauce from Palmyra and I have to say it was pretty dang tasty! It could have been the alcohol speaking but I distinctly remember thinking I could have done with another one. This is probably a bad thing! I then forced Ewen to watch one of my favourite late night drunk movies - Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. A musical horror with lesbians and Mexican wrestlers. What else could one ask for? Ewen showed his appreciation by falling asleep and snoring very loudly. Philistine!

On Saturday Zoe and Matthew had their farewell leaving do - dinner at David Banns. I have to say that the food was superb but I'm definitely too impatient to be happy with the wait it inevitably comes with. Oh well, apart from that is was a very nice meal. There were a few quality drunks on the way back to keep us entertained. The first one was so drunk his knees didn't work properly and we actually stopped to watch him try and negociate the kerb. In the end he gave up trying to get back on to the pavement and just started staggering off down the road. He was moving very slowly so hopefully motorists would have had enough time to avoid him. The second drunk seemed to have been locked out by his pal. He was shouting to be let in and when that didn't work the tirade of abuse towards his acquantance started. Then he started shouting at us for sniggering at him. I think this was a bit unfair, I personally was sniggering near him - not directly at him. Ah, I will miss the colourful characters that you see in Dumbidykes now that I won't be visiting Zoe. They do sometimes venture up into the Southside though so I'll still see them now and again.

Well, Zoe always joked that I was the bestest boyfriend ever because I'd bring her chocolate and fill her hot water bottle when she was crampy. My "boyfriend" has now moved to Guildford (and that's too far to go just to fill a hottie [f'narr] or deliver some ice cream) but she seems to have been replaced by a new "spouse" already. Emily and I spent Sunday afternoon viewing flats, shopping in Ikea and trailing around Sainsbury's for a weekly shop. Sigh. We didn't bicker or argue and nobody stomped off in a huff or insulted the other one's family though so I guess we can't be that much of a married couple - I'm still going to petition for custody of the tripod cat on holidays and weekends though ;o)

On Sunday evening we went to see Venus, which I'm particularly pleased about because it seems to be one of the ones that Cineworld only shows for about a week. They always do that with the ones I want to see. Bah. Anyhoo, it's currently sharing screen 13 (the posh one) with The Fountain (remember that??) so I doubt it'll still be playing after Thursday. This is the story of a 70-something actor and his unlikely friendship/romance with his friend's teenage grand-niece and I have to say I really liked this film. Some people will undoubtedly find the subject of an old man lusting after a young girl unsavoury but it's not all that bad and they really should give it a chance. The characters are so well done that you can't help but feel sympathy for O'Toole and excuse his lecherousness to a certain extent. He was obviously a virile man who now has one foot in the grave and the other one isn't far behind, why the Hell should he behave himself? The 'ick' factor is also tempered by the fact that he usually gets kicked in the nuts or slapped whenever he tries anything on. The character of Jessie, or 'Venus' is just as unlikeable as a lecherous old man to begin with. She's rude, uncommunicative and sloppy but as you understand more of her back story she does start to grow on you, and as her friendship with Maurice grows she becomes less hideous. This film does make uncomfortable viewing because you're reminded that older people don't just quietly and gracefully retire from life and dodder off into a world of biscuits and countdown. They swear, they have lustful feelings, they get bored and fed up just like the rest of us - but they're further impeded by just being plain old and things not working as well as they used to. No wonder we try and ignore older people - we're scared witless of ending up like that! Yikes!

Anyway, it's a bloody good film and it's given me an excuse to post a picture of the youthful and beautiful Peter O'Toole. When the light hits him in a certain way he's almost handsome.... *

* That's a quote from one of my favourite films - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059903/

It's Been 14 Weeks and Shoobeedooo Hours.....

...Since I started watching Buffy again and I finished the epic quest to watch all 7 seasons AND extras on Monday night. Go me! I have to say I was a little underwhelmed by the extras, but this could be because I'm such a rabid fan and, really, I want commentaries on every single episode by the writers, actors and directors. Is that too much to ask?

Obviously it is because what I got was a commentary on about every 4th episode, mostly by the writers but sometimes by the director and in rare cases a couple of the actors (Yay! Tom Lenk!). The commentary on one episode in particular was very dull. I can't even remember which episode it was but they'd wheeled in the Assistant Director or something and he kept going on about lighting and camera angles in quite a monotone voice. Yawn! Some of the episodes you'd expect to have commentaries didn't have one and there was a distinct lack of blooper reels (2 blooper reels from 7 series - 25% of which where Nick Brendon fluffing his lines? Rip off!) Still, after watching a few of the commentaries you could start to imagine what some of the writers at least would say.

There was also not enough James Marsters for my liking. I think that makes the gratuitous nuddy shot above quite justified though. Mmmm, nuddy shot....

Right, where was I? Oh yes, Buffy extras. Apparently there are outtakes of the bit in 'Smashed' where Buffy and Spike get it on posted on You Tube. I must go have a look for them....

Ooh, there's a lot of Buffy bloopers on there. I'll have to check them out sometime. Here's a link to the 'Morning After' bloopers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQVh2OMCqNo

I'll be moving on to my loverly Angel box set soon. Hurrah! I will dampen down my expectations of the extras though. I haven't watched Angel in so long this is going to be gooooood. Apart from Connor. I'll still be rooting for the whiny little twat to get minced. I love it when stuff hits him!!

Blackadder, Bad Trips and Balderdash

I was in the pub on Friday evening for Zoe's work leaving drinks. We were in the Holyrood Tavern, which I haven't been in for about 4 years, and on that last occasion it was the Edinburgh Festival and I can't remember much about it - yes, I was pished at the time. I do remember it being about 12:30am and the pub was heaving. I also remember seeing Simon Munnery (weird Festival 'comedian') sitting at the end of the bar, he was reading a newspaper... at half midnight in a pub. I remember thinking "What a tosser!" I later caught a bit of his very strange TV programme and was reassured that he did, in fact, seem to be a tosser. This time the bar was very quiet and civilised and pleasant, in a sticky tabled kind of way. At about 10pm the gathering repaired to Zoe's flat where one of her colleagues took a bit of a shine to me, and not in a good way. The colleague in question was a 40-something lady who kept hugging and kissing me. That has a sobering effect on one, I can tell you! She was a very affable drunk, just a bit... What's the word? Slobbery. Oh well, I later found out the poor woman had to work the next day so all my sympathies go out to her.

On Saturday evening Zoe and I had access to Byron's huuawge store of televisual entertainment. Oh joy! He actually has the pilot episode of The Blackadder which, despite being a huge and almost rabid Blackadder fan, I had never seen. Zoe kindly agreed to watch it with me and it was verreeee interestinck. It's basically the episode of The Blackadder where a aspersions are cast on the lineage of Edmond's brother, the heir to the throne, but in Elizabethan Blackadder the 2nd costumes. Oh, and Baldrick isn't as funny - Tony Robinson must have been born to play that part! Edmond is also the smarmy Blackadder of the second series and not the little slimy Edmond that he became in the first one. It still made me laugh out lound though, and there's a lot more slapstick in it. I'd be interested to find out why they changed from the smarmy Blackadder to the toady one, but then I'm a big freaky nerd that way ;o)

After that we watched a very interesting programme about LSD. I've never taken it myself and, after watching this programme, still have absolutely no desire to but it's one of those things (like killer bees) that makes you marvel and what dumb-asses human beings can be sometimes. Killer bees got loose on the American continent because the scientists studying them left a temp in charge when they all went on holiday and LSD seems to have got rife in the 1960's because the CIA decided to run clinical trials on students. D'oh!! Still, at least the students volunteered. This programme said there was evidence that the CIA dosed unwitting members of the public with it, basically to see what happened and if it could be used as a weapon. Evil. Evil. Evil.

Included in the programme was footage of an experiment that the BBC ran where they filmed a subject while he took a trip. This was not some crusty student they had scraped up, this was a smartly suited BBC presenter who took the drug in his drawing room. It ended up looking like something from Harry Einfield's Mr Chomondley-Warner series but the chap on the trip seemed to be having a marvelous time. He completely lost any 'normal' perception of time and would phase in and out of conversations. At one point he said he simply didn't have the vocabulary to explain what he was experiencing. This seemed to be a common theme with people on acid...

Which brings me to the movie I went to see on Sunday afternoon - The Fountain. I think this movie was on acid, or I wish I'd taken something before going to see it! I say it was on acid because it seemed to want to articulate something very profound but lacked the vocabulary and what came out was pretty incoherent balderdash. Talking of pretty though, baldy star-man Hugh Jackman in his little kung-fu pyjamas was quite pretty - when you weren't sniggering at how ridiculously pretentious those bits of the movie were! (See really bad photo above).

So Hugh Jackman's a surgeon married to a lady with a brain tumour, who's also the (quite barmy in my opinion) queen of Spain and he's also a hairy conquistador, but yet he's a baldy dude in little jammies doing tai chi in the stars and she's a tree... Or something.

I read a review on the IMDB about this one and I wonder what movie that guy went to see. Tellingly, he says a lot about the cinematography and the score but very, very little about the actual content or themes of the film. See above RE incoherent balderdash.

I hate to say it, but I may end up having a soft spot for this film just because it is so bad. So it's official - I'm sometimes a cinematic masochist. The review on the BBC website said it was "...rampant metaphysical codswallop" and I was practically sprinting to the cinema. I only have myself to blame. I'd go with meandering esoteric haddock slap myself though.

What Does 3.5lbs Look Like?

So, first weigh-in at fat club and despite a bit of a wobbly week I managed to lose 3.5lbs. Go me! I completely forgot that I had a free lunch (no such thing!) to go to on Monday so that didn't help much. The department had the Xmas lunch at Howie's on Victoria Street and we were entered into a draw to win your lunch again - we won! I had lovely creamy cullen skink to start with, rabbit for mains (bring on the bunny!) and cheese for dessert. Burp! I did go to the gym twice last week though so I think that helped.

I decided to type "3.5lbs" into the image searcher on Google to see what came out. Apparently I've lost the equivalent of one of the following in a week:

Makita 6228DWE 3/8in. Dr.14.4V Cordless Drill
I kind of popped this one in for Matthew. He loves his Makita.

A huuuawge tub of Gumballs
Retailing at $24.95

A bronze statue of a cow
He's called Riley apparently, by David Hodges. Actually, he weighs 7.5lbs so Lordy knows why he popped up in my search. Isn't he horrible though? Who'd have that in their house?? It's Range Boss that weighs 3.5lbs and it's even worse:

http://www.stockyardsgallery.com/original%20bronzes.htm

Jeez-oh!

A small yappy-type dog.
He's called Grover.

F*cksocks!!

Well, I was SO excited yesterday because I was due to start a new night class. It was entitled Film Studies - History of British Comedy. Fandabidozie! Just what I was looking for - the right evening, the right price and the right subject.

However, it being a council run course, they needed a quota of at least 10 people to sign up for it. You'd think they'd get that no problem but no, only 6 people turned up. How annoying! We started off watching a little clip of a Will Hay film from the 1930s and having a little discussion about colonial attitudes and the origins of British film comedy because we were advised to wait until half past to see if anyone else would turn up. Just that little tiny smidgin of discussion was SO interesting it made my disappointment even more crushing, I almost cried on the way home.

The class leader said he'd try and run the course again in September so I'll have to keep an eye out for it then, and next time I'm taking friends with me!!!

Saturday Night At The Movies....

Who cares what picture you see.... do bee do bee

Well, me actually cos I haven't got anyone to be a huggin' and a kissin' and even if I did I most certainly don't go in for that sort of thing! Heh, my first date at the tender age of 15 was to see 'Delicatessen' (how sophisticated was I for a 15-year old?!?! Not very cos I didn't get it at the time) and the boy I was with kept trying to snog me all the way through. I kept swatting him off because I was actually watching the film and it's carried on like that ever since. I take my cinema very seriously and can't be doing with stupid boys who want to cuddle up when my chair is obviously designed to make me comfortable and him having his arm around me is just a pain in the neck, literally. Gerrofff!

That's one of the reasons why I don't usually go on a Saturday evening. People who say they don't like going to the cinema obviously only go on a Saturday and get a very skewed notion of what goes on. Tea-time/after work on a Tuesday, that's when you should go, it's very civilised then. No long queues, no gangs of unruly teens, a lot less popcorn munching and answering of phones, etc. etc. etc. Anyhoo, I went to Emily's for dinner and to meet her tripod cat, Albie, on Saturday and then we headed up to Cineworld to see what Mel Gibson's latest offering was like. Albie was very cute by the way and the three-legged thing isn't as freaky as you would think.

So, Apocalypso. What can I say about this film? Um... it's an interesting one - but not for the right reasons. Perhaps I should have read more about the plot synopsis before I went but, to me, that shouldn't be necessary with a good film. I knew absolutely nothing about Vera Drake when I saw it as a special preview but right from the start I was intrigued with her and Mike Leigh only took about 10 minutes to get to the point. 40 minutes in to Apocalypso and I was still wondering where on Earth it was supposed to be going? I'm swithering about how much to say because if I complain too much I'll give away the plot but then again, I'm not sure I would encourage people to watch this effort.

Oh gosh, I just read the review on the IMDB of this film. 10 stars? What film was that dude watching??? Breathless pace? Only if the guy next to you is snoring! I thought the film took an age to get where it was going and then just got very silly and predictable at the end. By far the best bit is the jaguar chase and I don't think the effect Mr Gibson was going for was to make me absolutely piss myself laughing.

I think it's an interesting film because not many people would attempt a film in a dead language so, from an historical point of view, it could be valuable. However, as the IMDB states:

Factual errors: The Mayans had a prolific knowledge of astronomy and were able to calculate solar and lunar eclipse dates over thousands of years. So, a solar eclipse would not have been a surprise for anyone.

D'oh! Major plot point there.

On Sunday afternoon (a much more civilised cinema time) I went to see The Last King of Scotland, a not at all silly and actually very good offering. This film is about a young Scots medical graduate who travels to Uganda in 1970 in order to taste a bit of life instead of being shovelled straight into the family GP practice with his father. That young Scot is played by the strangely yummy James McAvoy so I've posted a picture of him cos hey, any excuse! Through a chance encounter he ends up the personal physician to the new leader of the country, Idi Amin. As Amin's reputation as an evil bampot is his legacy you can imagine that all does not end well for our hero. In fact, it all goes pretty spectacularly wrong and I have to admit that I was on the edge of my seat for at least the last half hour of this movie. It is stunningly scary, mostly due to Forest Whitaker's brilliant portrayal of an absolutely psychotic Idi Amin. I think the lazy eye thing helps so I don't know if the real Amin was just as or even more scary without it. If that film is an accurate portrayal the guy was a freakin' fruitloop and had a lot of power so yes, he was a very, very, very scary man. As they say, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Not at all an enjoyable movie to watch but very good indeed.

Now I'm looking forward to the release of Bobby, a film Emilio Estefez has apparently been trying to make for years. The cast he finally got together is star studded and the advance hype all seems quite positive. That's out the week after next so if you're very good I'll let you know what I think of that as well ;o)

Status Report

So, I'm officially a Scottish Slimmer now. I went to the meeting and I got all the bumf and I've read the magazine and so on and so forth. Basically I aint just on a diet, I'm going to have to go through a whole life overhaul, and it's probably about time. It's Le Creuset casseroles and housework on a Sunday from now on... honest guv! Well, I'll take it a step at a time I think. I cleared out my wardrobe last weekend, which filled 2 bin bags and liberated about 47 coat hangers. Scarily enough all my clothes still don't fit in the damn thing (it's a really, really stupid design) but at least I have enough coat hangers now. There's still a lot to trawl through in the life laundry but that was a start.

In a similar spirit I thought I'd change my blogger profile. I used to have the following random question and answer, which I think reflected my personality in some ways:

Q- You get to ride the big roller coaster three times in a row. What will keep your dad from taking a bite out of your candy apple?
A - I got chips instead and scoffed the lot, thus answering the eternal "Daddy or chips?" question.

This didn't seem quite right for Dietlicious, Fit and Healthy Marj so I decided to change it. Man, but those random questions are bizarre though. I trawled through about a dozen of them before I found one that I remotely wanted to answer, and even then it's a bit dodgy. It will probably be changed again soon but I had to go and do some work so it'll do for now.

The picture on my Gil Elvgren desk calendar was the one above today, could this be an omen? It's entitled Weighty Problem (Starting at the Bottom). Hey, that could be me soon! Lordy knows where I'll find one of those devices though. What are they supposed to do anyway? It looks like it'd be good for cellulite and I'm way beyond any help in that department now. I may keep her picture around for inspiration though :)

I'm Not Fat, I'm Just Fluffy....

So today is D-Day... as in Diet Day. I'm off to join Scottish Slimmers in a moment so wish me luck! This is the start of the long slog to gorgeous sveltness and looking decent for Zoe and Matthew's wedding. I thought if I publicise the fact I may be shamed into actually sticking to the thing so stay tuned for progress reports...

Song for Today

I once met a man with a sense of adventure He was dressed to thrill wherever he went He said "Let's make love on a mountain top Under the stars on a big hard rock "
I said "In these shoes? I don't think so I said "Honey, let's do it here."

So I'm sitting at a bar in Guadalajara
In walks a guy with a faraway look in his eyes He said "I've got as powerful horse outside Climb on the back, I'll take you for a ride I know a little place, we can get there for the break of day."
I said "In these shoes?"
"No way, Jose"
I said "Honey, let's stay right here."
No le gusta caminar. No puede montar a caballo (She doesn't like to walk, she can't ride a horse) Como se puede bailar? Es un escandolo (But the way she dances, it's a scandal)

Then I met an Englishman "Oh" he said "Won't you walk up and down my spine? It makes me feel strangely alive."
I said "In these shoes? I doubt you'd survive. I said "Honey, let's do it. Let's stay right here."
No le gusta caminar. No puede montar a caballo (She doesn't like to walk, she can't ride a horse) Como se puede bailar? Es un escandolo (But the way she dances, it's a scandal)

God Bless Kirsty MacColl!

I still haven't bought any shoes this year though. All the ones in the sales are minging! Bah!!

Today's Fish is Trout a'la Creme...

Fish!!

Did you ever think you'd see the day where I'd get distracted from Buffy? Well, that day has come. I've been loaned The Blue Planet on DVD and I can't get enough of it. I've only got 4 episodes of season 7 of Buffy left to watch and I'd rather watch the fishies. The other night I deliberately stopped myself with 4 episodes of Buffy left to go because I knew I'd have to watch all of them in a oner and didn't fancy staying up until 3am on a school night to get it done. "Oh, I'll just pop in the Blue Planet instead," I thought to myself. D'oh! I'm completely hooked now.

I think my favourite bit so far is the bit with the killer whales hunting sea lions and going right up on to the beach to nab them. You must have seen that bit but the brilliant thing about it is the lead-up to that in the programme. Immediately before that the viewer is treated to an account of the family life of sealions and how they raise their pups. On a quiet beach young sealion pups frolic and play. The adults keep a watchful eye on them and occasionally join in their little games. The beach they have chosen is a perfect nursery with enclosed pools for the pups to practice swimming in when the tide is out. It's now high tide and time for the young pups to take their first foray into the surf. You see a shot of the pups just on the shore and gradually your eye notes a strange black and white shape in the waves... then WHAM. SPLASH. CHOMP. There's a freaking big killer whale on the beach!!!! Just brilliant. I love it when nature programmes do things like that. I still remember that other BBC production that showed chimps hunting a monkey. Oh the outcry at the time! People thought chimps just ate bananas and drank Typhoo tea but this showed them ripping a monkey to bits and scoffing it down. That's life folks!

On a side note: I went to see Ingmar Bergman's Seventh Seal at the Film House last night. Also superb. Superficially I can see why some people might brand the film as dull and pointless but it doesn't have a reputation as one of the most iconic European 'art films' for nothing. There's tons of stuff in there, humour as well as philosophy and theology. Bergman's death is not as impartial as Terry Pratchett's but he likes a laugh. Jons the squire is the one that seems to have the most healthy outlook on things though - "Wherever you turn you'll always have your rump behind you." or, as the translation I saw last night would have it "It's your own arse you sit on." True. True.

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam.....

Spammitty Spam Spam Spam.....

After a couple of weeks with no internet access quite a bit of spam had built up in my email account. Before deleting it all for ever I thought I had better check if any real emails had got shovelled into the Spam file by mistake. While trawling through all the shite that had accumulated there I started to notice odd user names for some of the senders of the Spam. Some were so amusing I thought I'd share:

(I think the third from last might be my favourite!)

Subservients B. Sparred
Britney Spears
Opaline Smathers
Married K. Buber
Chihuahuas I. Chippewa
Perverted B. Fluffiest
Taxidermist J. Pummelled
Inneficiency U. Harpist
Berserk F Cheeriness
Prophesy F. Roughnecking
Electorate V. Homemade
Hallucinogenics O'Hepburn
Idled H. Surveillance
Portmanteau D. Clothing

Oh, and an honourary mention for one of the chaps doing a seminar at the university in March - Mr Feuchtwang. Oh, I'm so easily amused!

Happy New Year & All That Guff

Hoorah! Hoorah! That's 2006 over with and 2007 is now here. I've still been putting 06 on all the dates I've had to write today but that's not unusual, I always take until about April to get the hang of it.

Hogmanay this year was wild, and I don't mean in a booze-fuelled way. I mean the elements were giving it laldy. I went out to buy tobacco at about 5pm on New Year's Eve and was so blustered and battered and rained on from just going to the shop at the end of the road that I was not relishing having to drag my sorry ass out to make merry. In the end I decided to don my new flannel jammies, park myself on the couch and just not go out at all. Louise and Craig came up to keep me company and we had a very pleasant and cosy evening in front of the telly. Lovely!

The street party had been cancelled at about 10pm so the papers on the first were full of very odd pictures of a totally deserted Princes Street (see above). SO glad I wasn't out there!

Resolutions include getting in shape for Zoe & Matthew's wedding in September/October and (after the hangover I suffered yesterday) never ever ever drinking again! That one won't last long but I'm going to be one of Zoe's bridesmaids so I'd better get my fat ass down the gym asap. Sigh.

So, 2007 is shaping up thusly:

Hangovers: 1 very severe one. I had drunk 2 bottles of red wine though. Uuurgh.

Square sausages: 1.5 (I had to share my sausage supplies with my first foot. Bah! Probably a good thing considering the imminent health kick though)

Seasons of Buffy: Finished re-watching season 6 last night. Love it!!!!

New Pairs of Shoes: 0 - Haven't been down the sales yet. Haud me back!!

Happy Hogswatch

Well, it's finally here. 'Twas the Friday before Xmas and all through the town people were going "Oh b*llocks! I forgot to buy sprouts!" Not me though, partly cos I don't like sprouts and partly because I've tasked Annabel to get them. She's the one that likes sprouts anyway. As long as she remembers the parsnips I'll be happy. I have to go buy toothpaste, loo roll, deodorant, all that kind of stuff. What a time to run out! Cameron Toll here I come I guess. Bah. And humbug too.

I got my tree up last Friday, with the help of Naomi. Thank goodness she came round, I don't think I could have mustered the enthusiasm myself but the results do cheer me up (see rather blurry photo) I really wanted blue fairy lights but they're too expensive just now. I'll just have to wait a year or two until they're totally unhip and then I'll get myself some. The multi-coloured ones are pretty though (£1.99 from Edinburgh Bargain Stores. Viva la Bargain Store!) and I have pink baubles and tinsel so it's sufficiently Marjified.

In a little over 50 minutes I'll be clearing out of the office ne'er to return... until the 4th of January anyway. Hoorah! This is the first job I've ever had where you actually can't work between Xmas and New Year, they shut the whole Uni down and I love it. I'm looking forward to having nothing to do, except I will have things to do. Dang! The best laid plans of mice and Marj, as they say.

Well, I must say 2006 has been interesting. It started well, was going pretty fine and dandy up until the Autumn but, unfortunately, since then it's gone a bit pear shaped. I'm now waiting to see the back of 2006 now and am actually looking forward to dreary, horrible mid-January because it will be over and done and gone. There'll be a whole slew of new rubbish to deal with then but it'll be different rubbish so it should at least not be as boring. Hah, and if it all gets too much I can escape to fabulous Guildford to visit Zoe and Matthew. I get to all the exotic locations, me.

Right so. Let's get on with it. Katie's insisted we play the Xmas CD one more time before we leave so Noddy bloody Holder is telling me, as if I didn't know, it's Chriiiiisstmaaaaaaas!

Piss off Noddy.

My Magnificent Octopus!

I've just been reading "The Other Side of the Story" by Marian Keyes. I woke up early on Sunday and decided to stay in bed and read for a bit (you need a pure, unadulterated chick lit binge once in a while and it's not fattening so it must do you good...) Just over 28 hours and 452 pagers later I'm sure, in some way I can't quite define, that she's written the novel I was going to write. Or rather, she writes the novels I'd write if I ever got off my ass and did it. Dammit!!

This novel has 3 main characters and little bits of each of them seem uncomfortably familiar. Maybe this is the secret of Ms Keyes' success? Zoe read the book before me and said she identified with the "Aargh! No clean clothes to wear. Rummage in wardrobe. Find shirt with stains - Oh well, won't take off jacket all day" aspect of one of the characters. Who hasn't done that though? I think I like the ball-busting literary agent Jojo the most of the three, despite her being American, but that's possibly because she's a curvy redhead and has the best shoes. I have other reasons for identifying with her the most as well so I really hope it all turns out nice in the end. Of course it will! It looks like the kind of book where you're guaranteed a satisfactory ending and the qoutation on the jacket says the book will "... make you bubble up with happiness inside." Oh fingers crossed it all turns out well. If I don't bubble up with happiness I may demand my money back. Oh hang on, I nicked the book from the big pile in my boss' office. Dang!

You're doomed...

So, I'm not usually a superstitious person but just recently I've suspected that the universe has it in for me. I'm the sort of person that won't walk under ladders because I'm afraid some fat builder is going to fall on my head but I'm sure I've broken a mirror before with no noticeable downturn in fortune, I open umbrellas indoors and I quite often put shoes on the bed (and the table - I can't remember which one is bad). I heard a new one last week though. I got a 2007 calendar from the procurement office and thinking 'Oh, how handy!' I stuck it up in the office. May, my colleague, was horrified because apparently this is bad luck. I've never heard this particular one though and scoffed at her warnings. Moreover, 20 minutes later I used the thing to check a date and thus reasoned that if it was fulfilling its purpose in life then how could it possibly bring misfortune?

Well, since then I've had a catalogue of woe and am worried that this time I may have got myself well and truly cursed. Dang!

I woke up in the middle of another power cut on Saturday. It was annoying but no big deal to me at that point. I couldn't shower so couldn't possibly leave the house and go Xmas shopping. I was able to make coffee and a bacon sandwich though so it wasn't all bad. I settled down on the couch, under a duvet, and spent most of the afternoon reading. When the power came back on the boiler was f*cked though. I have to admit I wept bitter tears of frustration at this point. I'd only had the gas man out about 3 weeks previously to fix the damn thing at a cost of £80-odd pounds and didn't fancy calling him out again. I even went to far as taking the thing to bits to see if I could change the fuse in it. This was all to no avail, it was still not working. I was absolutely gutted and retreated, muttering, back under the duvet.

A little later I had to emerge to get ready for dinner at the Duffs' house. I wasn't in the most sociable mood so was not particularly enthused about going, the alternative was sitting in a stone-cold flat feeling sorry for myself though so I thought I may as well inflict myself on my friends. That's what they're for after all. I thought I'd give the boiler one last try, in the hope that the fairies had fixed it. Well, blow me, they had done. The boiler came on when I turned the power on and when I put the heating on that glorious 'woof' sound of the pilot igniting filled my ears. I love that sound now, it's right up there with the pop of a cork coming out of a wine bottle for some of my favourite noises.

Now the hot water doesn't work though. Bah!

I went to the movies on Sunday and saw one of the worst films I've seen in a long time. Admittedly, it was a bit of a gamble but it could have been so bad it was good. No, The Covenant is a big pile of steaming doo-doo I'm afraid. The bad guy and the good guy both look the same and all the important plot is divulged by the 2 teenage girls while sitting about in their neglegiggles. I didn't think I had to pay attention to girls in their undies! What's the big idea of having them relate plot?? Nobody's going to listen! Pah!

When I got in on Sunday evening the bulb in the kitchen blew. I thought that taking down the calendar might negate the evil influence so I took it down as soon as I got into work on Monday. That didn't help though. I managed to break my coffee mug while washing up after lunch. Waily! I really liked that mug, it was big but elegant. Sigh. Things have been quite quiet the last couple of days though so maybe that was my final warning from the universe?

I bought a 2007 diary the other day and now I'm scared to put any entries in for next year in case this is bad luck too. Bah.

Bah Humbug!

Ugh. I came in to work on the 1st of December and May made us put up the Christmas decorations. There's a distinct lack of tinsel and glitter around my desk area by the way. The most Christmassy thing on my desk is a clementine, and I can't even be bothered eating that! Then she made us listen to Christmas songs today because it's Kirsty the temp's last day. I also had the misfortune to hear the new Cliff Richard song on the radio this morning. Waaargh! When will it all be over?? There's weeks of this still to go :o(

Bad Friend or Just Sneaky?

So, I bought Bruce Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman for his birthday (which is in 2 days) but I've started reading it. I'm trying really hard not to bend the spine. Does this make me a bad friend for giving him a sort of 2nd hand gift or a really good friend for buying him Neil Gaiman? I'm inclined to go with the 2nd one, and I'm sure Neil Gaiman would back me up!

(Addendum - having thought about it Mr Gaiman would probably say "Buy a second copy you cheapskate!" He does, after all, have all those cats to feed.)

Oh, it's so gooooooooooooood! I can't wait to see the movie version of Stardust :o)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0486655/

Bloody Claire Daines and Sienna Miller though. Yeuch!!!

Hang on though... Adam Buxton?? Of Adam and Joe? Dexter Fletcher?? It get's curiouser and curiouser....