Oh! Em! Gee!

Would it be a terrible blow to my carbon footprint if I flew across the Atlantic just to slap somebody for very, very annoying punctuation?

Now, I admit that I am guilty of over using the exclamation mark these days. I remember the days when exclamation marks were hardly used but with email and texts they seem to be all over the place. They do have their use as tone in these media is hard to get across (I'm sure we've all had misunderstandings of this nature more than once) but some people are getting ridiculous. *

*See how I resisted the urge to use an exclamation mark there for example. Sheesh.

Ok, here's the body of the offending email:

Hey there!
I am writing with an enquiry! I have a group of about 20 University students coming to Edinburgh from May 14-May 27, 2007, as a part of a short-term study abroad program where they will receive credit for Political Science. It is led by University professors, but I was
curious as to whether you ever do lectures or any type of workshops?
If so, great! If not, would you mind guiding me in that direction?
Thank you so much!

Despite the extreme irritation this over use of exclamation caused me I sent a civil and grammatically correct reply to this individual. (Incidentally I've removed anything that could identify the origin of this email and while doing so noticed some bad grammar. What do they teach people these days?)

Guess what the reply was?

"Thank you for your guidance!"

I will allow myself an appropriate exclamation mark here - Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

The Flowers That Bloom In The Spring.. Tra La...

This weekend was the annual get together with some of the girls from school. We went to stay in a gorgeous Victorian house near Kelso for a long weekend (see picture - Lochside Stable House). I was full of trepidation about the weekend (being the only single one still remaining and chronically so) but my fears were unfounded, they're still a lovely bunch, and so are their husbands... And child... And dog. In fact, on the first evening I ended up in what would probably be the traditionally male-dominated situation, drinking and smoking round the snooker table long after the other ladies had retired to bed. I like to think I'd have ended up in that situation even if I did have some male trailing along with me though ;o) Some may consider it sad but I choose to be proud of the fact that I have the stamina to cope with that and still surface at a reasonable hour for breakfast the next day - a good hour and a half before the last of the boys did!

The rest of the weekend was spent eating, drinking, relaxing and generally going "Oooh, daffodils. Lambs! Spring is here!" You can really see it out in the country and we had enough sun to make it feel like a proper break from the dreich city. I was going to join the others on a ramble after breakfast on Saturday morning but elected instead to take a second cup of tea out to the garden as the sun was so inviting. I did a lot of sitting and looking at the view this weekend, and caught a live cow sex show while I was at it. Not as exciting as it sounds I can assure you!

After all that peace and quiet I was really in the need of something exciting and violent and visually stunning (no really, I was!) so I toddled over to the cinema on Monday to see 300. First of all, can I just say it was a gorgeous spring day - the sun was shining, the birds were singing, I'd spent the afternoon on my ass in front of the telly and I was skipping past lots of mugs who'd been at work all day. Tra la la! Just try and keep the smile off my face. Secondly 300 is just about the forking coolest thing I've seen since Sin City - and I didn't feel like I'd been sat on when I came out. Bonus! Sin City was brilliant but a most unpleasant film to sit through - emotionally and physically draining. 300 looks the mutt's nuts (in a really, really good way) and you just come out going "OMG. That was SOOOOO cool."

I don't know much about cinematography or the graphic novel but I could guess which shots were taken directly from the original artwork and I loved that. (I loved that about Girl With A Pearl Earring as well, the visual attention to the source.) Oh, and I loved the "gratuitous butt in the moonlight shot" that they threw in there. Anyone who's seen National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon will know what I'm on about (and I suspect the director is one of them). It's probably only funny in my head but I loved it for making me chuckle. Some of the story and dialogue is a bit on the silly side but the thing just looks SO good that you can forgive them for it, and the over abundance of pectoral muscles, thighs and little leather knickers made up for any other shortcomings the film had in my book. And Gerard Butler? One word - Phwoooaaaaarrrrrrr! There's a slight Sean Canary-ness about his accent that just makes you go wibble. Mmmmm!

Shoes! Shoes! Shoes!

While perusing Manolo's Shoe Blog today (http://shoeblogs.com/) I found a website that has made my heart flutter in a way that the Manolo Blahnik one did not. I don't know what's wrong with me! Manolos should surely have me salivating and wetting my pants but for some reason, the other day anyway, it didn't. Several pairs of the shoes on this new website had me squeaking in covetousness though:

https://www.babyphat.com/shop.php

Especially the pictured pair. They're sparkly!! And Pink!! Ooooooh!

Only the thought that to ship them over here from the States might cost as much as the actual shoe is restraining me... but I may have to make enquiries.

Dang it!! Shopping is replacing sex and food in my life. I must hurry up and marry an octogenarian millionaire ;o)

Still Don't Know What Happens In The Scrum!

So, for some reason (probably alcohol related!) I went to watch the rugby on Saturday afternoon. I was in the Sportsters bar on Market Street with some of the girls because Jo G had booked a table. That lady likes her rugby! Needless to say Scotland got humped. I can't even remember if the team played well or not but I do remember my pals heckling the commentator so it was probably his fault for jinxing them. I wonder if it was the same one that commentated the last game I tried to watch? He boasted about Scotland having been unbeaten at Murrayfield this season and then the team got totally trounced, by the Italians if I remember rightly. Wha? I thought they were rubbish at rugby - too cool to get muddy probably.

I still don't understand rugby but I do understand drinking on a Saturday afternoon so that's why I was there. I was also there hoping to ogle hunky rugby supporters but unfortunately all I had to look at was a bunch of preppie Edinburgh Uni RFC boys and a couple of skinny neddy types who looked way too young. Seriously, they didn't look a day over 15. Scary! I guess the real men must have been downstairs all huddled around the bar grunting. I like a seat when I'm confused so they weren't in my eyeline. Ho hum. I've included a picture of Ally Hogg for Lady Nat Nat though - try to contain yourself dear ;o)

On Sunday I went to see TMNT, or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as we all knew it. Pure nostalgia but entertaining none the less. Luckily all the small annoying children were in seeing Mr Bean because none of them had ever heard of a Mutant Ninja Turtle, teenage or otherwise. The animation was pretty good and the plot was actually a bit interesting. Cap'n Slaphead Jean Luc Picard was the voice of the baddie so that endeared me to it as well - surely he wouldn't be involved in sh*te now would he? For something that I was embarrassed to ask for a ticket to see ("Didn't you hear my mumble, ticket lady? Please don't make me say it twice.") I was pleasantly surprised by it. Hoorah! Or should I say "Awesome! Cowabunga dude!"

On Sunday evening ITV were showing a production of Mansfield Park. Oh joy! New adaptions of Austen are always worth investigating. Unfortunately they'd fannied (pardon the pun) about with it so much I was left feeling really disappointed. It was insipid and dull, but at points seemed like it was trying not to be, which is worse! It was the televisual equivalent of a boring asshole who thinks they're so great. The whole slave-trade thing was vaguely hinted at but not in any great depth and after rejecting Mr Crawford Fanny was punished by being left in Mansfield Park while everyone else went to visit Granny. This annoyed me because it was obviously done to save money on sets and actually detracted from story. Grrrrr! They're doing Northanger Abbey next week and I will be in the company of some bona fide Austenphiles so woe betide ITV if they've ballsed up that one as well!

On a happier note I went to see Becoming Jane last night and really, really liked it.

*spoiler warning - don't read on if you ever plan to watch it*

I was very worried that it would have been all Hollywood-ised and they'd somehow crowbar a happy ending on to it. Hallelujah though, they didn't. It is the story of how shitty womens' lives could be in that shitty patriarchal snobby society. Poor Jane! Oh man, you do not feel good at the end of the movie. It was good for me though because after a period of moping and bemoaning my single status it did make me grateful for one thing - at least I've had a good shag in my time. Man, there are worse ways to be and that's for sure!

Something Silly For Friday Afternoon

I'm Not Shy...I'm Just Retiring*

I got a letter in the post the other day confirming that my Civil Service Pension Scheme has been transferred into the University of Edinburgh Staff Benefits Scheme. It also said that I have been credited with 5 years and 143 days.

Is that how long I spent working there?? Sheesh! I think I spent around 5 years and 127 days trying to leave! I'm glad that the transfer happened though, I didn't fancy trying to claim my 20p a week when I'm 65... or 95 depending on how these things go over the next 35 years.

Oh God, what a depressing thought. At least another 35 years until I can give all this up. The way things are going we'll be kept working until we drop dead. Well, that's something to look forward to!

Which reminds me of the thing that made me laugh (hollowly) when reading the front page of the Metro today:

"DNA samples and fingerprints could soon be taken in shopping centres from suspected litterbugs and shoplifters.

The evidence will be collected in temporary detention centres designed to fast-track petty offenders, such as drivers caught not wearing a seat belt, the Home Office proposes.

But the idea could add thousands of extra names to the national DNA register and sweep away long-standing restrictions on whose information police are allowed to keep.

Civil liberties campaigners condemned the idea.

Liberty policy director Gareth Crossman said: 'The Government is fast replacing the best traditions of English law with a chilling presumption of guilt.'

The plans are part of a review of the 1984 Police and Criminal Evidence Act."

It just tickled me that it's the 1984 act. One more step towards our inevitable Orwellian dystopian future. Pass the Victory gin!

* Picture by Gil Elvgren 1950

God Bless the Canadians!

Human rights complainant ordered to pay $3,000
CBC News
http://www.cbc.ca/

A B.C. man who filed a human rights complaint against Just Ladies Fitness in Burnaby more than two years ago has now been ordered to pay the gym $3,000 because of the way he behaved.

Gordon Stopps made a formal complaint after being told he couldn't use a 10-day free pass to work out at the women-only gym. But the B.C. Human Rights Tribunal rejected his complaint of gender discrimination.

A lawyer for Just Ladies Fitness then argued Stopps should have to pay for his behaviour during the dispute, something that's happened at the tribunal just 17 times since 1999.

Gym managers accused Stopps of hostile behaviour, intimidating an 18-year-old receptionist and calling himself a "soldier of God."

They also complained that he had filed legal documents suggesting that one manager at the fitness centre could only blame herself for not getting into heaven.

Stopps also accused people at the gym of assault, alleging they tried to intimidate him into dropping his complaint.
However, the tribunal found his story didn't match what he told the RCMP.

The tribunal said Stopps had engaged in "improper conduct" and pointed out the award isn't about the merits of his case. It also said the $3,000 award should not discourage people from filing human rights complaints.

Marj says: Oh yes it should! Human rights my ass!

For the Fetishist That Has Everything?

http://www.goodvibrationsshoes.com/index.html

Shame they're so dang ugly!!

Sigh

Beetroot in my lunch and a white shirt was never going to end well...

London Baby!

As I usually try to be a positive kind of girl I'll get the bitching out of the way first...

Aaaargh! I'm definitely never travelling by plane again if I can help it. We flew down to East Midlands airport on Friday because our base of operations for the weekend was Leicester. The flight down was fine and Helen picked us up from the airport. The rest of the weekend went swimmingly (I'll get to that in a moment) but then Sunday came....

Emily and I were due to fly back to Edinburgh on the 13:15 flight, leaving plenty time for a leisurely Sunday afternoon of cat feeding, food shopping and general domestic boringness. We got to the airport at about noon and, after almost leaving our lunch in Helen's car (Noooooo!), joined the smaller of the check-in queues. Once we got to the counter we were asked if we knew that our flight had been cancelled. What? If we knew that would we be standing here trying to check-in??? The next flight was due to depart at around 5pm and in the meantime we could have a refreshment voucher for £5 each as an apology. Gaaaaah! What else could we do? Helen had already left to go to work so we were stuck there. Luckily we'd invested in a copy of the Sunday Times so that kept us going for all of about 4 hours. The bottle of Duty Free Tia Maria and the free refills on soda from Pizza Hut also helped those hours pass. Eventually Emily invested in a travel Scrabble set before we went insane. The feeling that we'd have to live in the airport was getting stronger with every passing minute. The flight took off late as well, and boarding wasn't announced. Sheesh! We eventually made it back to Edinburgh at about 8pm. Nightmare :o(

Anyway, the rest of the weekend was very pleasant indeed. We drove into London on Saturday for Spamalot and stopped in at the Baker Street branch of Nando's for lunch. Yummy yum yumsle. I had a meditteranean salad because of Fat Club and feeling particularly nauseous from car sickness. Bleeugh. I haven't been that bad for ages, but I'll try not to blame John's driving ;o) On the way to the theatre we popped into Selfridges to drool over all the lovely and very expensive shoes. Prada and Dior and Chanel oh my!! Lovely jubbly. Then we had to positively scamper down Oxford Street in order to find the theatre. Once there though we had sweet seats and the show was hilarious. There's enough from the film in there to keep saddos like me who can quote huge chunks of it happy but it's also sufficiently different to justify the trip. The production value is huge too, glitter and lights and effects all over the place. The tickets were quite pricey but you're getting quite a show for your money. Fetchez la vache!! La vache d'or?

I got myself an "I'm Not Dead Yet!" t-shirt for the gym too. I couldn't resist! I don't think the "Fetchez La Vache!" one would have fit me though. Booo!

On Saturday evening we watched The Dish on John and Helen's huuuawge screen. I mean huuuawge, they have a laser projector mounted on the ceiling of their living room and a big white screen to project on to. I'm so jealous!! The Dish was an interesting choice as John worked on the Beagle 2 mission to Mars and had an insider viewpoint on the tension these space expeditions can generate. Coincidentally enough there was also a lunar eclipse that evening so it was space-a-gogo down in Leicester. We stood about in the garden for a while watching the moon go dim but a lunar eclipse doesn't move at anywhere near the speed of a solar one so we got cold and bored pretty quickly. Still, I'm glad we went out and had a look at it.

Then there was Sunday, and we all know what happened then!

I had Monday off work but spent most of the day sat watching SATC. I've seen it all now. Waily! The good news is that the SATC film is definitely going ahead. Will I be going to see it? As Mr Big would say: "Abso-fucking-lutely!" :oD

Sing From The Diaphragm A Lot....

I'm off to Londinium this weekend to see Spamalot with Emily and Helen. Yippee!

In celebration of this I bring you another installment of "Spammers That Make Me Chuckle" from my Gmail junk. I was going to Google an image to go with this lot but I hate to think what would have come up if I'd typed in the first or the 5th ones so I just left it. Have a picture of an incredibly grumpy kitten instead. Aaaaw! He's so peed off!

Anyhoo, enjoy. I think third from last is my favourite of this batch.

Marianne Beaver
Johnny Pitts
Jeffrey Seals
Impeding B. Trendiest
Gay Humphrey
Young Belcher
Waterfowl. O. Conducts
Lugubriousness H. Euthanasia
Typographer B. Smith
Watercourse J. Ejection
Hemophiliac L. Stationed
Maximus Kong
Consensus G. Homophones
Ponders O. Bicycles