Still Don't Know What To Do With A Sick Lemon Though

I just spent 4 days intensively learning how to be a competent First Aider folks. Go me! I have a certificate, badge and a hideously garish green lanyard. Unpleasant accessories aside, I feel all virtuous and like a useful member of society now. I'm probably going to forget all that I have learned very quickly but I thought I should share a few of the most important/most surprising things I found out. Useful knowledge is a thing that should be shared after all :o)

In no particular order:

No 1.

Never, ever, ever try and pop a dislocated limb back into the socket. Despite what the movies and Mel Gibson tell you this is a really dangerous thing to do. You could trap nerves and do a lot more damage.

No 2.

The difference between somebody having a heart attack and somebody having an epileptic fit is vital to remember because epileptics can stop breathing for up to 25 seconds when a fit is coming on. Epileptics go rigid before a fit whereas somebody who has had a heart attack will still be floppy. You're supposed to check breathing for 10 seconds before initiating CPR usually so watch for this sign.

No 3.

CPR is bloody hard work. You really have to press down on the chest cavity for it to be effective. It has to go down by about 4-5cm (1.5 - 2 inches). Also don't give really deep rescue breaths because this could cause the casualty to vomit, which would make CPR even more unpleasant. The good news is that you can sing Nellie the Elephant or Marie's Wedding and that is equivalent to the 30 chest compressions needed between the 2 rescue breaths. That means if you panic and forget how to count you're ok as long as you can remember to stop when you get to '...trump trump trump.'

No 3.1

ALWAYS call for an ambulance before starting CPR, or get somebody else to do it, and tell the emergency services you have an unconscious casualty who is not breathing. You'll get bumped to the top of the queue then.

No 3.2

Remember to tell them exactly where you are as well!

No 4.

The little rhyme to help with treating shock and other circulatory problems: Lie the casualty down and....

If they're pale, raise the tail (feet. To help blood flow to the heart and lungs)
If they're red, raise the head (for the same reason just in a different direction)

No 5.

Somebody with a nosebleed should not hold their head back to stem the flow. This could cause blood to go down their throat and into their stomach and they could vomit. The stomach does not like blood (except in black pudding. Yum!) and rejects it. A person with a nosebleed should pinch the soft part of the nose together and be encouraged to sit down and lean forward for about 10 minutes to allow a clot to form. They can spit out any blood that goes into their mouth into a bowl or something. After this tell them NOT to pick or blow their nose for a while because it could dislodge the clot. If a severe nosebleed carries on for more than 10 minutes send them to hospital.

No 6.

Anyone who has the Heimlich or abdominal thrusts performed on them because of choking MUST go to hospital to be checked out. Those manoeuvres can cause a lot of internal injury so it's better to be safe than sorry. Oh, and Zoe tells me that people apparently vomit after having a Heimlich so have a bucket handy.

Hopefully I'll not have to use some of the more extreme things I've learned though. For example, I do not fancy having to bandage up a fractured collar bone because they're supposed to hurt like burgery and I'd worry I'd make things worse. I think if any little students have panic attacks in Freshers' week I'll be well able to cope though. Unfortunately the answer is not to slap them....

Ok, it's to remove them from the cause of the anxiety to somewhere quiet and private. Explain you thing they're having a panic attack and then get them to breathe into a paper bag or their cupped hands. This is because there's too much oxygen in their system and they need to get more CO2 in instead. Once they calm down tell them to seek medical help if it's their first one or give them a cup of tea and send them on their way. Job done.

So there we go. You can sleep slightly safer in each other's beds now knowing that I'm all trained up and ready to administer sticking plasters and triangular bandages in an instant, provided the first aid kit has such things in it....