Beasties and Bogles and Things That Go Bump In The Night...

I've had a welcome return to the fantasy genre recently and I can't get enough of it! Seriously, I feel like I've run out of entertainment, despite having oodles of DVDs and books awaiting my attention.

It started with Terry Pratchett's Wintersmith, the latest in the Discworld for kids series. Tiffany Aching (Granny Weatherwax JR) is back and so are the Nac Mac Feegle and this time they're in the Ramtop mountains so Granny and Nanny make an appearance too. Huzzah! Love it! Some people accuse Terry of just writing the same story again and again and again but I personally don't care, I love that story and it's the details that make them such a delight to read. I was reading it on my lunch break at work and chuckling so much my colleagues had to ask what was going on. For example (and I'm paraphrasing here so bear with me) "When it came to being odd, Mrs Treason took the cake. In fact she also took all the biscuits, the tea set, the tea spoons and old clothes you had lying around..." Or words to those effect. Love it!!

I almost spiraled into a Terry Pratchett binge but American Gods by Neil Gaiman came my way. Another brilliant read that I would thoroughly recommend. The old gods in America are in trouble. They'd been brought there by settlers in the new world and then for the most part abandoned and forgotten. The new gods (of technology, entertainment, etc.) want to pick a fight and a chap called Shadow gets stuck somewhere in the middle. Another cracking good yarn by Mr Gaiman. Apparently they're making a film out of Stardust, I do hope they don't screw it up. I'm apprehensive about the version of Hogfather that Sky are going to broadcast over Christmas: Susan never looked like that in my head!!

Fuelled by Pratchett and Gaiman I borrowed The 10th Kingdom on DVD from Kirsi. Man, I love that mini series too. Virginia and her father go through a magic mirror in Central Park and end up in the land of fairy tales, 200 years after the golden age of Cinderella, Snow White, Queen Riding Hood and Queen Gretel. They're on the run from Trolls (singing the BeeGees) and Rutger Hauer as a very, very scary huntsman. It's great and it's got totty in the form of Wolf (pictured). I defy any girly not to fall in love with that character! It's so good in fact that Kirsi has only lent me the DVDs for a week because she'll have a panic attack if she doesn't get to stroke and pet them regularly. I must get my own copy.

The fantasy fest was topped off with a trip to the cinema to see Pan's Labyrinth, the new film by Guillermo Del Torro (Blade II, Hellboy). This is about a young girl in Spain in the 1940's. Her and her mother have travelled to the countryside to stay with her new stepfather. He's a captain in Franco's army and they are trying to capture and stop the local Communist rebels. Parallel to the story of the rebels and the captain runs the story of Ofelia and the fairies. She meets a faun in the Labyrinth who tells her she's the long lost daughter of a king and she must complete 3 tasks to get back to her father's kingdom. It's dark and different and brilliant in the best tradition of grotesque European fairy tales. It's got a 15 certificate and Naomi, Emily and I all ended up with our hands over our eyes at various points. Just brilliant!!

Now I have to find more fantasy or I am going to go on that Pratchett binge... Where's my cow?!?

Yes, I See Your Movie Film

Bravo Borat.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6153420.stm

Comedian Sacha Baron Cohen has defended his controversial creation Borat, saying he is a tool to reveal racism.

Baron Cohen dropped his alter ego for the first time since the Borat film was released, for an interview with Rolling Stone magazine.

"The joke is not on Kazakhstan," he said. "I think the joke is on people who can believe that the Kazakhstan that I describe can exist."

The film has topped the box office for a second week in both the US and UK.

The film, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, has a naive yet enthusiastic Kazakh reporter meeting with people across the United States.

Prejudice 'absurd'

It has upset some because of Borat's anti-semitic, sexist and racist comments. A pair of US students are suing the film studio, 20th Century Fox, claiming they were duped into appearing in the film.

But Cohen - a practising Jew - said the film ridiculed what people were prepared to believed about other cultures.

"Borat works essentially as a tool," the former Ali G star said.

"By himself being anti-Semitic, he lets people lower their guard and expose their own prejudice, whether it's anti-Semitism or an acceptance of anti-Semitism."

He added: "I think part of the movie shows the absurdity of holding any form of racial prejudice, whether it's hatred of African-Americans or of Jews."

I've had a pretty quiet time this week, saw a few movies, hung out a bit and so forth. It's been a week for navel gazing really. I was at the funeral of my old English teacher and mother of one of my friends last Thursday. Pippa Donald was, by all accounts, one of the finest teachers you could ever hope to meet and it's just coming to me now how much that woman taught me, and not just about Shakespeare. She loved a laugh, had a wicked sense of humour and brooked no nonsense from anybody. She scared the bejesus out of me quite a lot, even after we'd left school, but she's one of the women I most admire. She was claimed prematurely by cancer but didn't let it get her down and didn't ask "Why me?" She just got on with it and was teaching right up until the October break. What an inspiration! Oh, and she introduced me to one of my favourite Shakespeare quotes, from As You Like It:

Audrey: I am not a slut, though thank the gods I am foul.
Touchstone: Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness! Sluttishness may come hereafter.

All in all it's been a bit of a strange time recently, there seems to have been all sorts going on with everybody. There's been a higher than usual instance of couples breaking up, couples getting engaged, pregnancies being announced, things breaking down and so forth. Bruce keeps muttering about sychronicity from some hippy dippy book he's reading so I'm starting to wonder if the universe is messing with us. I'm not sure what the creative forces could be trying to tell me because one of my coincidences was telling Zoe and Byron about Shark Attack 3: Megaladon (an extremely shite film that's so bad it's funny. Huge prehistoric sharks man!!) and the star of that film being on Jonathon Ross the next evening. Erk? What? Are the creative forces telling me to watch more pish movies??

Talking of pish movies I went to see The Prestige yesterday. On the face of it you can't really go wrong: Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Michael Caine, David Bowie. Magicians. Rivalry. Glamorous assistants.... For the most part the film was quite watchable, despite Christian Bale's character being thoroughly unlikeable, but it just got really stupid at the end. I won't say anything more than that but the phrase "Oh come on! You're kidding! What??" just about sums my reaction to the end of the movie. It may be controvertial and people won't believe me but I'd say spend your money on Borat instead. I don't know about the ethics of making fun of Khazakstan (if you believe that portrayal is real then you are a fuckwit though and deserve to have the widdle taken out of you) but I laughed mightily throughout that film. Plus, how often do you get to see a naked fat man being chased through a convention of mortgage brokers? (I must track down a mortgage broker and ask them...)

From Schubert to Shoes

Well, I had quite an eclectic weekend just past. It was started off with a trip to the RSNO Symphonies at Six at the Usher Hall. How highbrow! Well, good ol' 5pm.co.uk came through with another good offer and I thought "Why not?" I don't think it was a special offer actually but I would never have found out about the concert if 5pm hadn't emailed me so Bravo to them. The programme was supposed to be Brahms Symphony No. 1 followed by Schubert Fantasia D940 in F minor (piano duet) but there was a slight hitch... 12 of the orchestra were stuck on a train somewhere between Glasgow and Edinburgh. D'oh! Luckily they were on their way so we had the piano duet first, or movement for four hands as it was charmingly called. It's a very lovely piece of music in my opinion and Louise and I were quite taken with the French dude (Frank Braley) who accompanied the conductor (Stephane Deneve). Bruce was less impressed, though I suspect this is because he was jealous of his crown of foppish French hair ;oP

Then the rest of the orchestra had turned up and they could get on with the Brahms. Huzzah! There we were, enjoying the symphony and I happened to notice one of the violinists on the right hand side ducking out of a door. I don't know if it's coincidence or not but a few moments later the fire alarm went off and we all had to evacuate the building. Blimey! More bad luck. Well, not for me actually because I needed to see a man about a dog and took the opportunity to nip into the Trav bar. They did finish the concert after that, but about half the audience had beggared off in the interim. Needless to say the audience got one of the biggest rounds of applause I've ever heard at the end - mostly I think for managing to get to the end of the concert. Again, bravo to them and I'll definitely be back for their next Symphony at Six in December. That is supposed to be an Elgar cello concerto, Nielsen Symphony No. 4 and Bach solo cello suite no 3 in C major. Ooh! Can't wait!

After the symphony we met up with Craig and headed to Phenecia for dinner. Oh burpalicious my friends! Love that place! We had hummus and pitta to start and then I had the sunshine chicken. Yum yum yum yum yum. After dinner, as an antidote to all that highbrow culture stuff, a bit of Russ Mayer was the order of the day. I picked up a copy of 'Up' a few months ago for cheap in Fopp and we thought we'd give that a go. My goodness me! I perhaps should have read the back more carefully, but I doubt that would have helped. Nowhere on the box did it mention that the film starts with Hitler being sodomised by a bloke dressed as a pilgrim father. Then Mr Hitler gets eaten by a pirhana fish. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Got to love it! That's the start of a big tits and shagging and nonsense fest in the best traditions of Mr Mayer. It was ace!

On Saturday I finally gave in to the little voice inside me that's been telling me to put a bit more in the dressing up box. I was in Cameron Toll and before I knew it I was in New Look and at the till with my ruby slippers (see picture). Oh man! They are fantastic. I love them! They were quite cheap and, once I pick up a pair of stripey tights, I'm sorted for any future fancy dress parties I may be invited to. I can definitely justify the purchase that way ;o) They are just wonderful though and I will probably wear them out to a few Xmas nights out. I want to wear them to work just now though! Sigh.

Saturday evening was my old boss' fireworks do down at Bankton House. There was a huge bonfire, Crombie's sausages aplenty, mulled cider and a spectacular (for somebody's back garden anyway) fireworks display with accompanying music. Apparently Yvette's husband had been on a fireworks safety course this year, so that was reassuring. I'm not sure exactly what that means but one would hope it means you get access to bigger fireworks! The display was great though and the smell of bonfire only stayed in my hair for about 2 days afterwards. The mulled cider caught up with me on Sunday though and most of the day was spent in the company of Buffy and the Scooby gang. I'm on season 3 at the moment and I'm getting quite impatient as my Angel box set arrived last week and I'm itching to start watching those. I'm going to try and do it properly though and maybe watch it in tandem with season 4 of Buffy. Or I may just go 'Feck it!' and run off on a big Angel binge. Watch this space....

Kicks Andrew Lloyd Webber's Ass!

So Halloween eh? Spookiness abounds and trickle treaters run around trying to get something for nothing (Humph! They were guisers in my day. Earn your sweeties!) . I had no spooky plans for Tuesday until a pair of tickets for a showing of the 1925 silent movie version of The Phantom of the Opera came my way. The film was being shown in the Usher Hall with full organ accompaniment.

Now, I've never seen the ALW version on the stage (Icky! Ptooey!) but I did see the dreadful movie version of that the other year and I've read Masquerade by Terry Pratchett so I am familiar with the story. Somehow this version made more sense though, because it was pointed out that the Phantom was in fact an insane escaped criminal called Erik. Aaaaah! Now the motive becomes clear - he's a flipping loony. Trying to make the Phantom a sympathetic character is a big mistake in my opinion. Psychotic evil git - I can buy that. Christine was still an idiot though and her boyfriend was called Raoul. I just kept thinking "Heeeey laydeeez!"

http://www.oh-yeah.co.uk/

If you're not familiar with that one check out the web site. Raoul can dance like panther!!

Anyway, back to the Phantom...

I'm not sure how tongue-in-cheek the movie was when it was first released but there was more chuckling in the aisles that screaming. I suppose this could be because the silent movie genre has been around long enough to seem cheesy now. Apart from that it was still very enjoyable. Good ol' Lon Chaney (pictured) was suitably spooky but for the first part of the movie the Phantom was just shown in silouhette. It seemed like Christine was being coached by Orson Welles!

Right, I'm off to laugh at Raoul dancing like a panther... or maybe he will dive for me :o)

Something For The Weekend?

Not a bad weekend as far as weekends go. It was looking a bit dodgy at the beginning though. I'd had a pish day at work, my plans for Friday evening had fallen through, my heating was broken, my landline was jiggered and the smoke alarm started beebing for a new battery. Oh Lordy! I had no step ladder to get up there and the tried and tested method of bashing it with a golfing umbrella just seemed to be making it worse. I had to flee the flat and luckily I got the offer of a safe haven with heat and pizza and, as it turned out, Tenacious D. Whooopee! What more could a girl ask for? After having sampled some of their adventures (esp. the one with the shite worshipping cult who grow huge potatoes!) I'm even more looking forward to the Tenacious D movie. Hoorah!

On Saturday I bought myself a stepladder in order to tackle the smoke alarm. No more beepy little bastard. Great. Now I just need to remember to buy a replacement battery. Worry not though, it's also connected to the mains so if I burn the toast I'll still be disturbing the neighbours. Excellent.

The highlight of the weekend was The Divine Comedy at the Liquid Rooms on Sunday evening. Loooooove The Divine Comedy! Barbara and I got in just in time to see the end of the support band and got a good spot on the balcony for the bulk of the gig. He played a few from the new album, which I'd heard for the first time just before we left the flat. 'Lady of a Certain Age' is particularly fine. He also played a lot of the old favourites too. Not the Father Ted theme tune but they did do 'Something For The Weekend' and it was fabulous.

Barbara made me hang around afterwards to try and get Neil Hannon's autograph because she's met him before and kissed him after a gig about 10 years ago. Well, it was peeing with rain and for the longest time it seemed to be only me and Barbara hanging about outside. Then a nice young man who'd apparently driven over the Forth Road Bridge joined us to wait. Finally, after about 45 minutes, we spied Mr Hannon lugging an equipment case onto the tour bus. Oh joy! We were just about to leave. We scuttled over and said hello and I have to say he was absolutely charming. Barbara got another kiss but was quite jealous because she got one on the cheek and I got one on the lips. Yeeeep! Silly I know but I had a big grin on my face for about half an hour afterwards. He's a lovely chap and was very gracious to the 5 eejits who had hung about in the rain to talk to him (a drunk girl and her boyfriend turned up too). What a lovely bloke, though a little on the short side. Oh well, pobody's nerfect!

Hello Buffy My Old Friend....

It's good to see you kicking ass again.....

This weekend I rediscovered my love of Buffy... and Angel... and Spike. Mmm, Spike! (Any excuse for a pic!) My beautiful Buffy DVD box set has finally come back to me after being on loan for about 2 years and it caught my eye on Saturday while I was contemplating what to have with my coffee and square sausage roll. Needless to say, that was Saturday afternoon gone! I'm planning to work my way through seasons 1 to 7 and watch all the extras and the episodes with commentaries. That should keep me busy until Christmas and by then I might have got the Angel box set and that'd keep me out of mischief until Spring. Hoorah! Joss Whedon-licious baby!

Coincidentally I also came back to Jackie Chan and Kung Fu movies this weekend, oh how I love all things butt-kicky! I was Craig sitting on Saturday evening (while Louise made risotto and played Scrabble with Zoe. Pah!) and we watched Drunken Master. Ho ho ho, the dubbing on my copy is priceless. It adds a whole extra dimension of silliness. I really hope he didn't go home and start fighting the cat though!

After Drunken Master we had a crack at Shogun Assassin, which I've had lying around for ages and have never got round to watching. It's pretty darn good too. One of those movies where the blood shed is just Itchy & Scratchy comical. I was thoroughly enjoying it until the disc started going a bit dodgy. Gah! It was so dodgy that I completely missed the big set piece at the end where the Shogun Assasin slices and dices his way through what is left of the Shogun's ninjas. Double gah! I got a teaser of what I missed from the trailer but I'm going to have to catch up with it properly at some point.

That set me up nicely for the double bill at the Cameo on Sunday afternoon though - Kill Bill Vol 1 and 2. Quentin Tarantino has always said that they were 2 parts of one movie so when I got the chance to see them both on the big screen, for the measly sum of £5 no less, I was delighted. I still think Kill Bill 1 is one of the frickin' coolest things I've ever seen in my life. Everything from the butt-kicking to the sets to the soundtrack just oozes cool. Volume 2 is a lot slower compared to that so I can see how some people would be disappointed but I'm too easily pleased to moan about that too much. The final showdown between the Bride and Bill was nicely understated I thought. Not what you were expecting at all. Bravo Quentin!

Then Sci-Fi Sunday came about. Haggis, neeps, tatties and Battlestar Galactica. Nice! Kirsi and I only have 2 episodes of season 2 left to watch and hot dang! It's exciting stuff! I have to wait 2 weeks to find out what happens though cos I'm off to see The Divine Comedy at the Liquid Rooms next Sunday. Yay, but at the same time, phooey!

Learn Something New Every Day....

Montezuma's Revenge

Meaning

The diarrhea (also spelled diarrhoea) that is suffered by tourists when travelling to foreign parts, in this case Mexico.

Origin

Montezuma was Emperor of Mexico, 1502-20.

The sickness, more formally called "traveller's diarrhea", is usually caused by drinking unsterilised water or eating spicy food that visitors aren't accustomed to. It is a bacteriological illness, always uncomfortable, and occasionally serious. Most cases are caused by the enterotoxigenic E. coli bacterium.

The 'revenge' element of the phrase alludes to countries that were previously colonized by stronger countries and are now, in this small way, getting their own back.

Names for it vary depending on the part of the world concerned. These usually have comic names, which reflect the embarrassment felt by the sufferer and the amusement in the lucky non-sufferers. Montezuma's Revenge is also known as the Gringo Gallop and the Aztec Two-step.

Those unlucky enough to suffer from it in Asia will hear it called Ghandi's Revenge, Gyppy Tummy, Delhi Belly, the Rangoon Runs, Tokyo Trots etc.

"Gyppy Tummy" goes back to at least the Second World War, but "Montezuma's Revenge" isn't particularly old. The earliest citation of it in print is from the Washington Post, Jan 1960:

"‘Wasn't there anything you didn't like?’ and they admit that, like most Americans, they suffered a three-day gastric upset described by a variety of names, names like the Gringo Gallop and Montezuma's Revenge.

Or for the geeks out there:

Montezuma's Revenge is one of first platform games, an action game combining treasure hunting, multiple rooms, and puzzle solving.

I thought a picture of that was a safer bet!!

Choccie choc chocolate!

So what have I been up to recently? Not very much to be honest, sorry to disappoint. The baptism of fire in the new job and the cold weather have increased my desire to hibernate to almost ridiculous proportions. Bears have got the right idea, they sleep through the winter and intentionally make their asses fat. A fat ass on a bear is a very desirable thing. And they poop in the woods. I'm not sure what that has to do with things but I got to mention poop :o)

Ooh, apparently it's chocolate week this week. Hoorah! Get scoffing. You can now get dark chocolate Kitkats (Nestle. Boo! Why do they make the tasty stuff?) and dark chocolate flakes now. Mind you, Cadbury's can give you food poisoning now can't it? Best just stick to the Green & Black's dark chocolate with whole cherries. Yumsle!

http://www.chocolate-week.co.uk/

Here's a nice bit of trivia from the site:

1519 is probably the most crucial moment in the history of chocolate when HERNAN CORTES - Spanish explorer and one of Columbus' ambassadors met Montezuma in Tenochtitlan the capital of. Montezuma was the flamboyant Aztec Emperor. His name has become immortalised for the vast quantities of foaming 'xoco latl' he used to drink before visiting his harem of wives - this started the legend of chocolate and sex! Chocolate was Montezuma's Viagra!

Hoorah! So what's Montezuma's revenge then? Not something pleasant I do believe. Must go and Goooogle it.

I saw the future.... and it was shite!

Hiya folks

Man, I had a bad day yesterday. One of those quietly trying to weep in the toilet but everyone notices the puffy eyes days. Sigh. I hate those. It's because the last few weeks in the new job have been so mental and almost overwhelming. I hate not knowing what I'm doing and there seems to have been an awful lot of stuff to do that I don't know how to do... if you get what I mean. It's certainly been a baptism of fire in the new job anyway. The couple of days I had off with Andy were blissful but when I got back to the office there was so much to do and it all had to be done NOW NOW NOW. Waily! No wonder I had a bit of a wobbly moment!

Sigh. Good ol' Ewen (who's been groomed and no longer looks like Peter Jackson, boo!) took me out for a pint after work and we had a good ol' bitch about the whole thing though. Then I took meself home and parked under the duvet for movie viewing. I had been speaking to Ewen about Brazil and my hankering to watch it again earlier so it seemed the logical choice.

Now, some of you may know I watched Brazil when I was about 16 and it blew my brain. Scared the bejesus out of me as well, and I wasn't quite sure why. I think it's because I glimpsed my future and it wasn't pretty. Not that I'd run around being an idiot and chasing some piece of skirt but the whole administrative cock-up aspect to the film was somehow familiar. I've felt like the one that puts in the little extra effort to get something done and look where it gets you - strapped to a chair and being tortured! Yikes! It's the whole 'computer says no' culture that seems to have grown up in the world today. Aaaaargh! Perhaps administration has been an invention of the Devil to hamper humanity? There's something in that....

Oh, just don't get me started on the state of the world today. I don't feel like foaming at the mouth at the minute.

Well, I think I'm off to see the Ron Mueck exhibition this evening. Art and cocktails, how civilised! That'll cheer me up :o)

New road signs released by Highways Agency

Gotta love the nonsense! The Uni's been keeping me stupidly busy with rotten work but these did make me chuckle. Irish Andy's been visiting as well so I've been kept busy with rolling joints, making cups of tea and... other such taxing activities ;0)

We managed to plough through the whole of season 1 of Lost so now I'm wondering if I can squeeze in another viewing of season 2 before the excitement of season 3 starting on American TV. Oh it's so brilliantly crazy! Can't wait!!

More soon. Hopefully these fecking students will be all settled in and stop bothering me soon. Little barstewards!! Gah.

To Sleep, Perchance To Dream....

Hello fans

I hope you all had a good weekend. There was a bank holiday here in sunny Scotland so I had a nice looooong weekend. Huzzah! And what did I do with my weekend? For the most part I slept and slept and slept and then slept some more. I haven't been feeling particularly sleep deprived but I guess I must have needed it. I do love my bed though. Mmmm! There's nowhere finer than my cosy beddy-byes. Love it! I love pulling the duvet back up over my ear and muttering "Just another 5 minutes, honest..."

In a salute to the wonder of snuggly beds here are some bed/sleep facts for you. Enjoy :o)

The continuous brain recordings that led to the discovery of REM (rapid eye-movement) sleep were not done until 1953, partly because the scientists involved were concerned about wasting paper.

Certain types of eye movements during REM sleep correspond to specific movements in dreams, suggesting at least part of the dreaming process is analagous to watching a film

Scientists have not been able to explain a 1998 study showing a bright light shone on the backs of human knees can reset the brain's sleep-wake clock

Some studies suggest women need up to an hour's extra sleep a night compared to men, and not getting it may be one reason women are much more susceptible to depression than men.

From http://www.abc.net.au/science/sleep/facts.htm

When the Pilgrims arrived in the Western hemisphere, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes when you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase, "goodnight, sleep tight" came from. This was also the origin of the "daybed" which didn't have ropes that needed tightening. Rather than having to retighten a bed after a nap, people slept on "daybeds" if they needed to doze.

The Great Bed of Ware is on display at the Victoria and Albert Museum. It originally measured 18 feet six inches wide by 12 feet long and was elaborately carved and canopied. And could accommodate 68 people.

Louis XIV was fond of remaining in bed. He often held court in the royal bedroom. He owned 413 beds and displayed a special liking for the ultra spacious and ostentatious variety.

Baps, Bloomers and Bahrain

It's been absolutely chucking it down today so, despite working only 5 minutes away from my flat, I decided not to go home for lunch today. I got a big roll from the DHT shop and read the Metro in the office. After I'd finished the Metro I decided to have a bit of a scrint on the tinterweb and decided to see what Wikpedia had to say about Bahrain.

Mostly it was things about the history and the geography and the economy, all the usual stuff. The Politics section was quite interesting as well, and the partucular passage that caught my eye was this one:

"The opening up of politics has seen big gains for both Shīˤa and Sunnī Islamists in elections, which has given them a parliamentary platform to pursue their policies. This has meant that what are termed "morality issues" have moved further up the political agenda with parties launching campaigns to impose bans on female mannequins displaying lingerie in shop windows, sorcery and the hanging of underwear on washing lines."

I know politicians usually don't like to air their dirty laundry in public but surely putting a ban on clean laundry as well is taking it a bit too far???

"Seeya Idiots!" - Lady Nat Nat is Offski

Last night was Lady Natale of Glegcairn's (I think that's her official title, her mum bought her it) last evening in Edinburgh so we had a few wee drinkie-poos to wish her well.

Natnat's off to Saudi to work for Aramco and earn ooodles and oooodles of cash, tax free. Lucky minx! Saudi isn't everyone's ideal destination but Nat's very lucky to have her mum living not far away in Bahrain so if she gets a craving for a bacon sandwich or a beer or a bikini she can nip over and see dear old mama. Don't let her mother hear me calling her that though - she's not old in any way, shape or form and I'd love to go and visit so I'll say she's a fine looking woman who must regularly be mistaken for Nat's sister ;o)

I'm going to miss dear Nat but she's only going to be on the end of a telephone or an email and we used to have such a giggle IM-ing each other at BT I'm sure we'll pick up with that again once she's settled in. Then I'll go and visit, I hear the shopping in Bahrain is great. Mmm, shoooooes! And I'm definitely insisting on being taken to Fuddruckers, or at least Fudds to Go. Heh heh heh.

See a picture of the beauteous Nat here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/tiggermadbabe/183232260/in/set-72157594180411971/

The above statement will make sense then!

More Fecking Festival

Oh God! Will it ever end?? Bored now by the way. Will all these feckers just LEAVE now please?

Like the fecker that ruined my morning. I'm not the best in the morning, I usually don't like talking to people I know until I've had my first coffee, so complete strangers talking to me before that point is most unsettling. I'd just got off the bus (I hate busses) at Elm Row and some bloody twit asked me if I knew the way to Amarillo. Excuse me? I'm wearing a suit jacket and a scowl. Do I look like I bloody well know the way to fecking Amarillo??? I didn't actually tell them to f*ck off but that was the subtext of my reply. Jesus!

And the film festival has started this week as well. Whoopee! I only just found out that my Cineworld pass entitles me to half price tickets but I fear it is too late. I don't want to leave my flat until September.

I did see a good film on Wednesday but it was nothing to do with the Festival. The new M. Knight Shallamallamadingdong movie - Lady in the Water. It's not a 'horror' like his other films, more like a fairy tale, but there are still plenty of bits that make you jump. I read the review of it in Heat magazine (Don't ask. I'm ashamed of myself!) and was gobsmacked that they had to qualify that it was a fairy tale in the review. It said something along the lines of "If you're willing to accept that monsters could exist then you'll like this movie." Oh my God! Why do they have to qualify the willing suspension of disbelief aspect? I despair sometimes. It's a film about a lady that lives in a swimming pool for Bob's sake.

Gah!

Ho hum. The Festival will be over soon and hopefully I can stop being so tetchy.

Despite my tetchiness I scored free tickets to a show last night - A comedy guitar trio called Ole (see picture). They were excellent. Absolutely excellent guitar players who throw slapstick, special effects and juggling into their act. Check out the clip of them I found online:

http://tvtotal.prosieben.de/components/videoplayer/0576/0576-00-04-wm_midband.html

They are brilliant. I may look out for them next year.

Well, that's enough for just now. TFI Friday by the way. The weather outside is horrible, it's misty and rainy so I think an evening in with Mr DVD player is in order. Mmm. It seems ridiculous to be wrapped in a duvet on your couch in August but I think it may come to that. Ah nice....

Overheard Festival Conversations No. 23
“He said he’d sucked off a horse….”

Unfortunately, that was the conversation I was involved in and the person that overheard it was the poor chap collecting glasses at the Udderbelly. Ok, I’ll explain... eventually ;oP

It’s begun again. Overnight the city of Edinburgh has gone mad. Sometime between me going home from work and venturing out again on Friday night a load of loonies snuck into town. I was idly looking out of my kitchen window while doing the dishes and noted the passing of, among others, a tall, skinny, scraggly-bearded man toting a six-foot long brass wind instrument and a lady wearing 3 hats. I wonder how many other kitchen windows in how many other cities you can hope to see such a sight from?

Well, they do say “When in Rome…” and having studied the Roman Empire at University I know that when the Romans came to town everyone flipping well did what the Romans did then too. So, with that spirit in mind, Emily and I had our annual day of Festival Fun. Hoorah!

As per usual we started our day with a bit of culture, caffeine and croissants courtesy of Shakespeare For Breakfast with their production of Taming of the Shrew: The Panto. The clue is in the name. Highbrow this aint by the way! They take one main Shakespeare play, throw in a few other Shakespearean characters, chuck in a bit of popular culture, jiggle it around and shoogle until very, very silly indeed. And you get a cup of coffee and a croissant thrown in. Bonus! I was very jealous of Petrucio’s outrrrrrageeowse Italian accent and pleasantly surprised that they managed to get a joke about fisting in at 10:30 in the morning. Good on them!

After trekking down to Princes Street and picking up a yummy and healthsome salad box from Henderson’s (my, how virtuous. Cancels out all the cider I had later – honest!) we ventured £3 on the Exeter University production of Twelfth Night. I’m happy to report that it was well worth £3 of anybody’s money. The lassie playing Mariah was very annoying and Olivia looked a bit too much like Buffy (she didn’t kick anyone’s butts. Boo! Rubbish!) but the rest of the cast did very well. Sir Toby Belch and Andrew Aguecheek were marvellous drunks and Malvolio was splendidly pompous and disturbing. And this production was only an hour long. Whoopee! I couldn’t have taken much more of that Mariah actually. It seemed a fitting punishment for Sir Toby to end up married to her, and for her to be married to him in the end. Hooray for Shakespeare!

Can you tell I was having a good day? Too! Many! Exclamation! Marks! Somebody! Stop! Me!!!!!

A pint of cider in the sun later and we’d taken a chance on a show that was starting at the right time in the right place. These chaps apparently wrote for Radio 4 and Dead Ringers so it seemed like a fairly safe bet, and guess what? They were. Laurence and Gus: Next in Line is sort of kind of based on the idea that everyone in the world is in a queue and the stories move from one person to the next in a sort of “comedy relay.” That’s the words from the flyer, not mine by the way. It was a very entertaining show which made me chuckle, guffaw, snort, titter and sigh. Marvelous.

Well, we were having a very good day and it got even better when we managed to score 2 for 1 tickets to see The Caesar Twins. I’ve had this show recommended to me by a couple of people so I was really looking forward to seeing it. Emily and I nipped back to my flat for a dinner of bread, cheese, antipasto, grapes and olives. Yummy yum yum yum is all I have to say about that. Then it was back to The Pleasance to check out these acrobatic twins with the strange looking poster that reminds me of that bit in Barbarella when she’s puffing away on “Essence of Man.” Hmm, not sure what to expect here…

Oh My God! This show was amazing! Sorry, the exclamation marks are back but, believe me, they are needed here. I still can’t quite believe how much I enjoyed that show. I could have watched those guys for hours! Their show consists of acrobatics, amazing contortions, music, video clips, humour and a big see-through bath full of water. It was all fantastic but some of the highlights were the upside down bicycle, the shadow play, live Tekken and their female companion doing a contortionist routine that still has my mind boggling!

I definitely had 2 absolute favourite bits of the show though. The first one involved one of the twins wearing a flowing white costume with a nifty harness that allowed him to spin through all degrees while suspended from the ceiling on both sides by big rubber bands. Much the same principle as those bungee things they set up on Waverley Market for kids at Hogmanay and the like. It was one of the most breathtakingly beautiful things I’ve every seen in my life. It may have been the sun or the cider or hormones or whatever but it was so lovely I could have watched that all night. The poor guy would probably have got very dizzy and thrown up though.

The other bit that I adored was the finale of the show when they perform a routine that involves a large, round Perspex tank. This is the bit you’ve been waiting for, it’s the picture on the poster – what on Earth could they be about to do? I’ll tell you what they do… they get soaking wet and that was when I just lost it. Ever since I saw my first Jackie Chan movie I’ve liked seeing a well muscled man and when you get one of those wet… Hummanah hummanah!! Sorry everyone but this is where brain stops to admire the view….

……

……

Mmmmm. Got that one stored away for future reference. Cor blimey guvnor! Oh, and they did lots more wet acrobatics if you really need to know.

What’s that? Eh? Oh yes, I almost forgot – sucking off a horse. You’ll be wanting to know about that won’t you? There’s a big purple inflatable cow lying on its back in Bristo Square. It’s a venue of course, silly, what else would it be? Emily and I met up with Louise, Craig, Bruce and Suth for a drink by this big purple cow, which is known as the Udderbelly (It’s a pune, or play on words). The Duffs and Suth had been to see the comedian Brendan Burns and a disagreement as to the content of the act was in progress. The bloke collecting glasses happened to pass our table at that time. I like to think it was one of the most random things he’d overheard while doing the rounds that evening but I somehow doubt it was the strangest.

Just About the Classiest Web Site I've Ever Seen!

http://www.bombaysapphire.com

Still here... Just about!

Hiya folks

Sorry I haven't updated for a while, I just don't seem to have managed to make the time. Since the power cut I've taken to reading more while at home (laptop gathering dust) and I've been in a constant state of annoyance at work recently which seems to take up all my time and energy. Gah! Workin' nine to five - what a way to make a living indeed!

What've I been up to? I went to the Bombay Sapphire Glass House exhibition and learnt all sorts of interesting stuff about yummy gin, that was definitely the highlight of last week. I must dig out some interesting facts and figures for my fans but I'll let you know right now that I thought the Tom Collins was the yummiest cocktail on offer at the event. Mmm... gin....

The old landline got installed as well but I'm currently in a massive huff with BT so I won't go into that. Gah! Effers! The lot of them. Hope they rot in their own excrement!

Calm. Deep breaths.... Look at the ocean lapping on the shores of Marj Island. Check that serenity*...

That's better. I think a Tom Collins courtesy of Juan will sort everything out. I'll just go and see where he's got to.....

*A shiny sixpence to whoever can name that movie.

Better to light a candle than curse Scottish Power? Ask Blow-up Doll Bruce!

So I was sitting on the couch last Tuesday evening, quietly degesting my dinner and ogling the goggle box. It's not a common occurence for me to be at home watching telly on a Tuesday evening and now I know why - there's nothing on! I do believe I was watching one of those shows about people trying to buy houses. Ugh, reality TV. What evil dick thought of that concept? Anyway, I was saved from the tedium by the TV suddenly going 'pop' and switching off. "Hunh," thought I "another power cut." There had been a thunder storm the week before which I think effected the electrics because my alarm clock had reset itself while I was out. I settled down with the new Jasper Fford book to wait for the electricity to come back on. It had been a while and I was starting to wonder if it was just me but I had to pop out to the shop and all the lights were off there as well so I was reassured. I went back to Jasper Fford and lit candles when the sun went down.

The next morning I still had no power so I phoned the Scottish Power emergency line and after telling it my address and postcode (I'm SO dubious of that technology!) the automated message lady told me they were aware of a fault in my area. This was after waking up with the horrible realisation that I have an electric shower in my flat. Waily! Blithely accepting that Scottish Power had everything in hand I packed a towel and some shampoo and toddled off to work. The shower at work isn't great but it was better than no wash at all so I could get on with my day without feeling too greasy and smelly. I phoned for regular updates throughout the day and at half past four in the afternoon was told that everyone's power was back on, except one customer who had agreed to have it kept off in the meantime.

However, when I got home it soon became apparent that I still did not have any power. When I phoned Scottish Power back the silly lassie on the line actually suggested I was the one that had agreed to have my power kept off. If that was the case why the Hell would I be phoning to complain??? Gah! Anyhoo, they said they'd log the fault and an engineer would contact me. Did they? Did they doodah! I probably should have phoned back earlier than I did but I was hacked off and went to Zoe's for sustenance and electric lighting. The upshot was that when I got home at about 11pm I still had no power. That was when I discovered that my supply of tea lights had been tidied and I had no idea where they were so the Bruce Lee candle that Barney gave me for Xmas a few years ago was finally lit. It's had a good run as The Most Tacktastic Piece of Tat I've Ever Been Given but finally it was useful!

Once I'd set fire to Bruce Lee's head I took a deep breath and called Scottish Power again. The lassie who answered my call sounded about 15 years old and had the customer service skills of a 15 year old too. She was so unhelpful that I ended up hanging up on her in tears. Although to give Scottish Power their due, they phoned me back 3 minutes later to say there was an engineer in the area who would pop in and have a look at it for me. Apparently you don't often get this kind of service - but I don't see why not after over 24 hours with no electricity, especially seeing as everyone in the call centre seemed to be utterly clueless.

So the engineer came up and poked around and wandered about. Unfortunately he couldn't do anything about the power being off without access to the basement of the building, which is storerooms for the University. At least it put my mind at rest that it wasn't just me being a spakker or due to my refusing to risk life and limb balancing on a chair in the pitch black in a flat on my own to flick some switch which I'd flicked earlier that day to no effect. Apparently the University had agreed to have the power kept off down there in the meantime but I think the whole rest of the stair was cut off as well. Nobody else had complained but the Scottish Power engineer said he thought he saw candles in the flat next door to me as well. This could just have been my Italian gigolo neighbour entertaining a young lady though.

I eventually got power back on Thursday morning, in time to shower before work, but the stair lights are still out - almost a week later. I suppose I'll have to phone and complain about that too but I keep forgetting to note down the number for stair lighting complaints. In the meantime I'm carrying a torch about in my handbag. Sigh.


Oh, and PS
http://www.jasperfforde.com/
:oD

Mr David Keanrick and Mr Enoch Mossop present A Midsummer Night's Dream

I went to see A Midsummer Night's Dream in Princes Street Gardens at the first (and possibly last!) Edinburgh Shakespeare festival last Wednesday evening. Open air theatre is a lovely idea but not really for Scotland and not really for the Ross Bandstand. The weather was very weird all day last Wednesday for a start. It was overcast in the morning, then there was a heatwave at lunch time and by 5pm it was overcast again. Now, that doesn't sound all that strange for Scotland but it goes to show how unpredictable the weather can be. I had packed my cagoule just in case but in the end it didn't rain during the performance. The bloke 4 rows in front of us that got shat on by a dive-bombing seagull possibly wished he'd packed his cagoule though!

The other thing that I don't think the organisers of the event took into account was that the main railway line north out of Waverley station runs right at the back of the gardens and the Edinburgh - Glasgow shuttle goes by every 15 minutes. The London train was worse because, though it runs less frequently, it is longer and seemed to scrape the tracks a whole heck of a lot more. So the poor actors were having to contend with the noise of passing trains, the traffic on Princes Street and the odd passing ned shouting incoherent abuse (in that way that they do). For the most part they coped admirably, except for Hypolita/Titania - you couldn't hear a blinking word she said. We all agreed we recognised her from television so she's probably not as used to projecting.

So, apart from the iffy weather and the noise pollution, how was the show? Not too shabby actually. I was thinking that the noise was unfortunate seeing as so much of Shakespeare is in the language but we all laughed in the right places and that play does allow for a lot of physical comedy. One of the things that made me chuckle the most, though probably unintentionally on the part of the actor, was Oberon's acting. It reminded me of that episode of Blackadder the Third when George is being taught to act by messers Keanrick and Mossop. He basically stood with his legs as far apart as possible and shouted. Helena also seemed to have been at this acting school, and there was more than a little whiff of 'Bob' about her too. She didn't actually slap her thigh at any point but I suspect she was supressing the urge. I think my giggling at Helena and Oberon confused Zoe no end and made her worry she was missing something.

On the whole I enjoyed it but my ass was numb by the end. That's due to the chairs though and not the quality of the production. It's reminded me how much I enjoy the bard and got me more excited about the Festival. They're doing Romeo & Juliet and Cymbeline in the Botanic Gardens this year and I must, must, must go! I can't remember why I missed A Winter's Tale last year but I suspect it was either due to laziness or a hangover. D'oh!