"Sea Fever" by John Masefield

I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask for is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sails’ shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea’s face, and a grey dawn breaking.

I must down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide,
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull’s way and the whale’s way where the wind’s a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick’s over















The photo is taken from the top of Tantallon Castle in East Lothian.

Quotation of the Day

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”
Winston Churchill

I Blog Therefore I Am?

I recently filled in that '10 or More Books' meme thing on Facebook and was inspired to revisit many of the wonderful books I put on that list.

It wasn't on my list but I've been re-reading The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera lately because, godsdammit, I love the man's work. There's something so real and honest about it, as well as the beauty of the language and the wry humour. I'm reading this one because it was the first one I found on my book shelf. I've been hankering for The Unbearable Lightness of Being but for some reason didn't start with that one. It's taken me a little time to really get in to The Book of Laughter and Forgetting but I had one of those precious moments the other night when you read something and a little light bulb goes on over your head. This is that something:

"One morning (and it will be soon), when everyone wakes up as a writer, the age of universal deafness and incomprehension will have arrived."

It seems to me the Internet has heralded the dawn of that age. Any idiot (and I include myself in this, obviously) with access to a computer can write and spout forth opinions and argue and totally ignore what others are saying. Facebook and Twitter seems to be the ultimate form of this. In order to Blog one has to sit down and actually compose a blog entry. This (hopefully!) involves editing and revising and all that good stuff. Well, it does in my case anyway. From what I understand of things like Facebook and Twitter you can write your thoughts down and broadcast them to the world instantaneously.

Now, we could argue that you can't label every person with a Twitter or Facebook account a writer because they don't go through that process of editing etc. However, Kundera seems to have just this sort of person in mind in The Book of Laughter and Forgetting when he talks of writers. There is a character, Bibi, who is a wholly unremarkable European housewife who wants to write a book and Kundera implies the desire to write is all you need to be a writer. This is perhaps the 1977 (the year the book was written) version of your humble blogger, or the Twitterphile.

I'm not saying the desire to write is a bad thing, on the contrary. I'm just really worried about being in this age of universal deafness and incomprehension because it seems to have filtered into all facets of society. I do believe we are getting dumber, and that's not just because I work in a university! "Deafness and incomprehension" seem to be acceptable excuses for not taking responsibility for your own life these days. "I'm going to sue MacDonald's because the hot coffee I bought was so hot is scalded my lap." Excuse me? Did Ronald MacDonald himself pour the coffee into your lap? No, it's hot and common sense dictates you should be careful handling it.

I apologise, I seem to blog about the general decline in human intellect rather a lot but it does depress the hell out of me. Milan Kundera's writing does not depress me though. You'd think it would but somehow the world seems a little better when you look at it through his eyes. With that in mind I'll leave you with the passage in Kundera's own words. This is chapter 18 of The Book of Laughter and Forgetting:

(A bit of background first: Tamina fled Czechoslovakia with her husband for political reasons and has been unable to return. She's been trying to persuade her cantankerous mother in law to give her notebooks and letters to a visiting friend (Hugo) because she's afraid if they are posted the police will read them. Banaka is a local writer who nobody takes seriously. It's been said even Banaka thinks people who read his work are idiots. Bibi is an unremarkable local housewife who wants to write a novel.)

A few days later, Banaka turned up in the café. Staggering drunk, he fell off a barstool twice before managing to stay on it, order a calvados, and put his head down on the counter. Tamina noticed he was crying.

“What’s the matter, Mr. Banaka?” she asked him.

Banaka looked up at her tearfully and pointed to his chest: “I’m nothing, do you understand? I’m nothing! I don’t exist!”

Then he went straight to the toilet and from the toilet straight out into the street, without paying.

When Tamina told Hugo what had happened, he showed her, by way of explanation, a newspaper page with book reviews, among them a sarcastic four-line note on Banaka’s entire output.

The episode of Banaka’s pointing to his chest and crying because he did not exist reminds me of a line from Goethe’s West-End Divan: “Is one alive when other men are living?” Hidden within Goethe’s question is the mystery of the writer’s condition: By writing books, a man turns into a universe (don’t we speak of the universe of Balzac, the universe or Chekhov, the universe of Kafka?) and it is precisely the nature of a universe to be unique. The existence of another universe threatens it in its very essence.

Provided their shops are not on the same street, two cobblers can live in perfect harmony. But if they start writing books on the cobbler’s lot, they are soon going to get in each other’s way and ask: “Is a cobbler alive when other cobblers are living?”

Tamina has the impression that a single outsider’s glance can destroy the entire worth of her intimate notebooks, and Goethe is convinced that a single glance of a single human being which fails to fall on lines written by Goethe calls into question Goethe’s very existence. The difference between Tamina and Goethe is the difference between human being and writer.

Someone who writes books is either everything (a unique universe in himself and to all others) or nothing. And because it will never be given to anyone to be everything, all of us who write books are nothing. We are unrecognised, jealous, embittered, and we wish the others dead. In that we are all equals: Banaka, Bibi, I and Goethe.

The irresistible proliferation of graphomania among politicians, taxi drivers, childbearers, lovers, murderers, thieves, prostitutes, officials, doctors, and patients shows me that everyone without exception bears a potential writer within him, so that the entire human species has good reason to go down into the streets and shout: “We are all writers!”

For everyone pained by the thought of disappearing, unheard and unseen, into an indifferent universe, and because of that everyone wants, while there is still time, to turn himself into a universe of words.

One morning (and it will be soon), when everyone wakes up as a writer, the age of universal deafness and incomprehension will have arrived.

Milan Kundera The Book of Laughter and Forgetting (P145-147 New English Translation, Faber and Faber, 1996)

Now if you're excuse me I'm off to open a Twitter account....

Breakfast WIN Surely?

Ugh. It's that time of year again. Dammit! You just get over the horror of the 'Festive' period and then frickin' Valentine's Day gets shoved in your face.

Why do we do it to ourselves?

I saw a poll on MSN today that inspired me to blog. Maybe these results come from the fact that most people are more ready to complain than say positive things but c'mon - look at the figures people!

Question
Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Are you looking forward to it?

1. Yes! I love a good spoiling with flowers and a meal out
17%

2. Yes, it's an excuse to go out on the pull.
4%

3. No, it puts pressure on couples to have a great time and is a commercial con
38%

4. No, I'm single and it just reminds me of that
41%

13049 responses, not scientifically valid.

Ok. What I want to know is of the 41% who are single and pathetic (I can judge because I've hated Valentine's Day even when I've been in a couple. I'm an option 3 person myself) how many of those would go for option 1 if you asked them again? A depressingly large proportion I reckon.

I do feel like King Lear screaming into the storm here.

Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! Rage! Blow!

Yup, VD tends to make me rage and blow. If anyone wants me I'll be hiding under the duvet....

Um, Stating The Obvious...

Oh, I do like the adverts you get down the side of Facebook. There's a high likelihood that the fabulous competition I just won was spotted down the right hand side of Facebook. A weekend in Cork is not to be sniffed at!

Sometimes though, their only value is in amusing me. Here's one I spotted today:

"Sick of the elliptical? This method helps you get fit, fast. Try my two step method for losing weight at home for free. Start today."

Two step method for losing weight eh? Is it something revolutionary like eat less and exercise more???

Of course, that's too much common sense for today's society. This is some kind of miracle green tea. To be honest that's as far as I got because I can't be bothered reading the rest of the insipid blurb.

And what is the elliptical? The elliptical shape of your body? Or is it some kind of gym device that I am unaware of? Answers on the back of a cream bun please.

Phishing Goes Full Circle

Hey everybody, this is apparently my 150th post. Woo! Go me! Where's my cake?

Anyhoo, clearing the spam out of my work in box this morning I found the email below. This oviously is some kind of phishing scam but look at what they're hiding behind! It's not about Mr Nndoogoo's hidden millions on the Ivory Coast for once.

"Subject: Greetings FromThe Desk Mrs Mzamber Farida Waziri(Efcc).........

From The Office Of The Executive Chairman ( Economic And Financial Crime Commission ) Chief Mrs. Farida Mzamber Waziri (AIG rtd.)

Attn:
Due to the meeting held last week by the Presidency, We were meant to understand that foreigners have been defrauded of their Hard earned monies by our lawless citizens. The President of the Federal Republic Of Nigeira ( President Umaru Yar Dua) alongside the United Nations has set aside Funds to be paid to ( SCAM VICTIMS ) as a compensation for their lost. Some group of fraudulent citizens where aprehended by this office on an interogation to find out that you had been defrauded by this crooks. These has been tanishing the image of our Government.

We were also meant to understand that on your transaction with this impostor, you were defrauded of your hard earned funds.You are advise to get back to this office for a payment advise which has been set aside for you as a COMPENSATION to retain the good image of this country.
As a result of this,You are entittled to a compensation of us$980.000.00 United State Dollars.A cheque has been issued in your favour. You are to send down the following information in other for us to send your cheque direct to you:

1.Your Full Name as it is written on your driver lincense, international passport of identity card 2.Your Direct Telephone Number for prompt communication 3.And your full contact address.Upon the receipt of this mail, you are advise to send down the above mention informations.

Your's in Service,
Chief Mrs. Farida Mzamber Waziri (AIG rtd.)"

So, the scammers are now pretending to offer compensation to those who have been the victims of email scam in the first place. Who falls for this stuff? If you were the victim of an email scam and were scammed again in the same fashion you'd just give up and go live in a cave wouldn't you? Well, that would be the sensible thing to do but if you've already fallen for 2 email scams then can the word sensible be applied to you?

Oh, and apparently Jim Dale's boy is trying to scam me too. I guess the royalties from all those Carry On films must have dried up? Or maybe poppa cut him out of the will for making the "Stick that in the capstan" joke one too many times over the dinner table? Little shitebag seems to consider Scotland a foreign country though...

From: James Dale Jr.
Private Email: jjames.dalejr01@live.com
Tel: +44 702 402 2665
Subject: Inheritance Fund
Date: JAN. 26th, 2009.

Hello,

I apologize if the contents hereunder are contrary to your moral ethics, but please treat it with absolute secrecy and personal courtesy. I am James Dale Jr. an Auditor in a commercial Bank here in London UK, in the process of auditing our bank accounts for the first quarter of the year, I recently discovered that there was a dormant account valued at the sum Ј7,394,890.00 (Seven Million, three hundred and ninety four thousand, eight hundred and ninety British Pounds Sterling) and after due verification of this account I discovered that the account owner is late. That is why the account has been dormant and as such the funds are lying unclaimed in the bank.

The idea of presenting a foreigner to act as his next of kin came into my mind so as to have the total sum of Ј7,394,890.00 being transferred and willed to you and we can both disburse the fund according to the percentage we will agree upon.

In view of this, I am seeking for your co-operation and understanding to stand as the next of kin to our deceased customer, to enable us claim the fund from my bank. Hence, if this proposal is OK by you and you do not wish to take undue advantage of my trust. Please kindly get back to me immediately, strictly via my private email address only: jjames.dalejr01@live.com to enable me enlighten you on how we are to proceed.

On getting your response, we shall agree on the percentage ratio on how the funds shall be splitted between ourselves, as I intend to invest part of our own share in real estate or any lucrative business in your country, and I would appreciate if you can put me in the right part where I can invest my own share.

Be rest assured that this business is 100% risk free.
I await for your prompt response.

Best Regards,
James Dale Jr.

NB: PLEASE NOTE THAT IT DOES NOT MATTER IF YOU ARE NOT RELATED TO MY LATE CLIENT OR NOT; THE FUND WILL STILL BE PAID TO YOU, SINCE I AM PRESENTING YOU AS HIS NEXT OF KIN.

And also presenting me as a foreigner it would seem. Maybe I should practice? Ahem hem... Good moaning, I was joost pissing by the weendow....

I should be more like this guy, he cracks me up!

http://imbringingbloggingback.blogspot.com/2008/10/fun-with-spam.html

http://imbringingbloggingback.blogspot.com/2008/11/fun-with-spam.html

http://imbringingbloggingback.blogspot.com/2008/12/fun-with-spam.html

Raining On My Parade Man!

Ok, so what is it with my friends the last two days? Whenever I've tried to share something cute and funny with them somebody seems to throw a spanner in the works.

First of all I was discussing the email which the picture above came from with a friend. This email is a dozen or so pictures of a very cute kitten and a budgie hanging out together. My friend started going on about how the kitten would get to a point where he didn't realise he couldn't play with the budgie and he'd accidentally swipe its head off or something. WTF? Where did that come from? Can't you just go "Aaaaargh! Teh cuteness!" and move on?

Then there's Brocolli Kitten. This is a video of a crazy little kitten that goes absolutely nuts for brocolli, which is highly unusual for a cat methinks. Anyway, the owner is holding the little kitty up while he chomps his way through a brocolli florette he's got clutched between his little front paws. The noises on the video are the best bit, he's going absolutely bananas over this piece of greenery. I posted this on a friend's wall on Facebook because she was needing cheered up (the same friend with the pessimistic view of the budgie's chances BTW) and another mutual acquaintance commented "Put down the kitten and let it eat! What's wrong with these people!!!" Um, think you entirely missed that it would be so much less cute and funny if they weren't holding him like that. I know for a fact the woman in the video fosters kitties all the time and is very kind to them as well.

And then I found this lol on Pundit Kitchen, which amused me greatly. I posted that on my Facebook wall and a couple of people made comments on it in the spirit of the thing. Then came this comment from yet another friend:

"First I laughed, then I grew super uneasy. I think memories of that puppy throwing video are too strong. Sad."

What? Where? Who? How? Why? What? Huh? Where did that come from? Sure, Nazis aren't the most hilarious of things but this is implying that these guys are about to get taken out by a cute little kitten, who will then escape across a river with a bag on Nazi gold and Hitler's favourite stapler, laughing all the way (Yeah, it's fun in my brain!) Plus (in the manner of Austin Powers) who throws a puppy?

Obviously there are some sick people out there who probably think it would be a lark to throw a puppy about, and even worse that it would be cool to post a video of yourself doing this on the internet. All's I can say about that is I'm glad I've never seen it and whoever did it should be rounded up and thoroughly killed for the good of humanity.

I'm sad that my attempts at bringing joy to my friends have backfired so much and I'm surprised more than one of them seems to be so pessemistic at the moment. Is it because it was Blue Monday this week? That's a possiblility, but all the more reason to enjoy the cute in my opinion. Are they suffering from SAD? Is it the Credit Crunch? What's going on? C'mon folks, lighten up!

Overbearing Mothers

Pardon me while I vent becuase man, I need it!

Oh. My. God. I spent 20 minutes on the phone this afternoon with the mother of a prospective student. That's PROSPECTIVE, as in not even decided if he's going to apply to the uni yet! This is the third frickin time I've been on the phone with her as well, and she only called because I took two days to answer her frickin email and she couldn't check it today because her computer was on the blink.

The beeyotch took up 20 minutes of my time asking questions about things I will be telling her son when he comes to visit. Well, she said her son is coming to visit the university but I get the impression he's going to be dragged around it behind her unwillingly muttering "Aw mum!" under his breath while she lives vicariously through him.

Ugh. They're due to visit on the 16th of February and apparently 'he' will be coming to speak to me. She said "And you will be there on the 16th won't you?"
I replied "Barring any unforeseen circumstances, yes." Loosely translated as "Eff off you incredibly irritating woman, I'm taking a sickie that day! You won't miss me though because I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU EVERYTHING! Oh, and it would have been easier to explain everything to you/your son in person but you couldn't freaking wait that long could you? You annoying cow!"

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Take note my maternally inclined friends - Never, ever become this woman or I will hunt you down and kill you myself. You have been warned. Be more like this woman instead.

On a lighter note, check out The Museum of Depressionist Art. The collection includes such gems as Whistler's Overbearing Mother (above), Young Girl With A Noose by Vermineer and Under The Waterlillies by Moanet (see what they did there?)

It's cheering me up!

Splish Splash

My shower's been on the blink for about a fortnight. Well, not true. It's been on the blink for about 4 weeks but finally died a death about 10 days ago. Since then I've been having to outsource my ablutions. Thank goodness I have several alternatives!

I have been using the gym showers, and also working out more as a result. One day I turned up and there was a big sign on the changing room door saying there was no hot water. I almost wept! Luckily the problem with the hot water had been the day before and they just hadn't taken down the sign. Phew!

We also have showers in the basement at work so I had a shot of those yesterday morning. Wow! Because they're in the basement the water pressure is amazing! The water was lovely and hot as well. Cor! I haven't had a shower that good for years. What with the availability of data projectors I was seriously considering moving into one of the seminar rooms down there. I'd have amazing showers and home cinema....

Anyway, I've also had to try and find a plumber to install a new shower. Good grief, it's an anxiety making prospect! First of all I had to find ones that can fit electric showers, then I realised I had to make clear they were replacing an existing unit and not fitting a whole new one. I also have to worry that it might be complicated by the abundance of tiles in the bathroom and hope that whoever designed the shower cubicle wasn't an idiot. If it was the same guy that designed the kitchen I have grave doubts. Then you have to know what wattage the unit is and, unlike microwaves, it doesn't say on the outer casing. Luckily I phoned up Mira with the serial number and they could tell me right off. Fantastic! That decided me that I was buying another Mira shower anyway.

And on top of all that I'm a single female and probably ripe for a ripping off :o(

Well, I've got a guy coming tomorrow morning to hopefully fit the shower. He came recommended on Myworkman.co.uk so hopefully he'll be a nice, professional man who'll just do the job and not leave too much of a mess.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Addendum: It gets even more complicated. I just got this from one of the companies:

If you were to purchase an advanced model I would say that is would be a straight swap like for like. If you change to a different Mira shower some piping alterations behind the shower may be needed or a mounting plate may be needed. Not all shower even if they are the same brand have the pipe inlet in the same place this why I say some pipe work may be needed and materials.

Holy crapola! Mind you, my dude coming tomorrow checked that with the supplier - which further reassures me.

Sigh. If only I had a tropical waterfall to wash in....

Bananananananananananana Bread

I made banananananananananana bread again at the weekend and it turned out so well my colleagues begged me for the recipe. I realised that I've put the cookie recipe on here but not the banananananana bread one so here it is:

Ingredients
225g/8oz self-raising flour
100g/4oz butter
150g/5oz caster sugar
450g/1lb Fairtrade bananas (the softer the better), peeled and mashed
½ tsp salt
2 eggs
175g/6oz mixed dried fruit

Method
1. Pre-heat the oven to 180C/350F/Gas 4.
2. Mix all the ingredients except the dried fruit together. You can do this in a food processor or by hand in a basin.
3. When they're all thoroughly mixed, add the dried fruit. Spoon the mixture into a 1kg/2lb non-stick loaf tin, spread it out evenly and bake it for one and a half hours. The loaf is done when a skewer pushed into its middle comes out clean.
4. Cool on a wire rack, then slice before serving.

I like to soak the mixed dried fruit in a bit of rum for a couple of hours or overnight. It adds extra moisture to the mix. Remember to let the loaf cool for a bit before you try to get it out of the tin though, the extra moisture means it has a tendency to fall to bits when still warm!

The Strawberries Are Ripening Fast...

Ok, so it's all been a bit negative here recently. I've been getting bogged down in being annoyed with idiocy and, quite frankly Mr Shankley, it gets on your tits after a while.

As it's Friday afternoon I thought I'd lighten the mood a bit and go back to what seems to be my other favourite blogging subject - Hot Men! Today's subject: Mark Strong.

Thanks go to MoJo for waking me up this morning with the following text: "You'll never sing the same if your teeth ain't your own..."

If you've seen Rock'N'Rolla this'll make sense, if you haven't then you should watch it - as long as you like Guy Ritchie movies. If you can't be doing with them I wouldn't bother, except to see how hot Mark Strong is... Phwooarr! He plays Archie, he of The Slap.

MoJo's text was prompted by our excitement over the prospect of Body of Lies. I wasn't fussed about seeing this movie. A corrupt cop crime thriller with Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe? Yaaawn! Then I saw the trailer again and spotted a familiar, and very handsome, face. Suddenly I'm all about going to see that movie. Yeah, ok. I'm shallow and easily led. What of it?

Anyway, Mark Strong also played Mr Knightley in a production of Emma and when he uttered the line "Mr Knightley invites you to taste his strawberries, for they are ripening fast..." I almost fell off the couch. It was the way he said it.... *wibble*

That is of course the reply I sent to MoJo's text. (Ok, so this has been a tedious insight into the random workings of our minds but isn't it better than another rant about stupid people? I think so.)

Ah, Mr Knightley - I'd love to sample your strawberries!

We're Doomed!

Ok, so work's really been annoying me lately. It's because we've got to that point in the term where students have to hand in essays. This means that the only student contact I really have is with those that can't work out how to read instructions or use a computer. Oh the joy!

Since I started working at the university I've become convinced that students are a lot more feckless than when I was an undergraduate. This could just be because I do only deal with the 'problem children' but I have seen evidence reported from various scientific studies that back my opinion up.

Here's the latest one. I found this in The Journal, the student paper at Edinburgh University. This is the bit that makes my heart sink into my (Duo) boots:

"Concerns over online journals and the value of university degrees has also coincided with research published at King’s College London, which argues that the intellectual abilities of Britain’s brightest teenagers have decreased rapidly over the past three decades.

Michael Shayer, professor of applied psychology, ran tests on 800 13-14 year-olds’ ability to think logically and analytically. In one of the tests, 24 per cent of the children from 1976 scored high marks, compared to just 11 per cent of teenagers today.

However, the research found a significant improvement in the performance of the average pupil.

Mr Shayer said: "Teachers are concentrating on giving the basic skills to more pupils, so the average ability goes up, but they fail to stretch the brightest, so the high-end ability falls."

So, the general population are getting more basic skills at school but those that go on to higher education are less capable of coping with it. Great! That's why I spend all my time dealing with kids that seem to have no common sense whatsoever.

My worry is Darwinian though. Where does this leave survival of the fittest? If one considers intelligence as a 'fit' characteristic of human beings (which I do).

My friends, this is more evidence to suggest that Idiocracy could be a highly accurate vision of the future.

Oh bugger.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Take No Notice

Rant incoming!!

It's Monday the 13th. Uuuurgh. This is even worse than Friday the 13th because at least then you've got the weekend to recover. This morning saw me sleep in (as usual) and then put my finger through a brand new pair of tights when getting dressed. Gah! I put on a second brand new pair of tights and discovered that by the time I'd got to work they had a hole in them. What's worse is that it was one of those holes that just got bigger and bigger and bigger the more you tried to do anything about it. I don't know if the hole was there already or if my boots caused it but whichever this is highly unfair. Is this the universe telling me to just give it up, wear scratchy thick wooly tights and start biting my nails? The defeatist in me that would have stayed in bed today purely because it's Monday the 13th would say yes, the rest of me says NO! I will paint my nails and I will wear sheer tights and I will have nice boots and I won't let the bastards grind me down!

Sigh.

Talking of bastards there's a fair few stupid ones out there, aren't there? My moan about students is not new - for the most part they seem to be utterly feckless and don't understand the concept of reading the instructions or actually looking for information. Not all students are like this, or I hope they aren't, but the ones I come into contact are and that tars all the rest of them with the same brush I'm afraid. It's so disheartening when you've tried to cover all the angles and make information accessible to them and still they come to you with the stupid questions. You want to say "You know why they call it a notice board? You're supposed to notice what's on it, dummy!!" Apparently they are not taught to think for themselves in school any more. Oh dear, just don't get me started or we'll be here all day. Sigh.

Anyway, fecklessness in the 'yound adults' of today I have come to expect. They're inexperienced and apparently barely prepared to go out into the world these days. It's when you see it in those that should know better that it really astounds me. Surely those born before 1980 were taught to look at noticeboards and signs to gather information about their environment? We didn't live in the litigation culture that seems to thrive today so if you fell into a hole that was surrounded by "Watch Out! Big Hole!" signs you had nobody to blame but yourself surely?

Since the new Informatics building has been open on campus I've noticed they use abseiling window-cleaners. Part of me hopes they're also leaving boxes of milk tray for unsuspecting admin assistants but I doubt the uni budget runs to that. They probably just clean windows while dangling from bits of rope. Fair enough. However, they do put out cones on the ground where they are working and signs that say 'Warning - Abseilers Working Above' or words to those effect. Anyway, they draw attention to the fact that there might very well be a bloke on a rope dangling above your head so it's probably not a good idea to walk on the bit of pavement that's been coned off. Entirely sensible in my opinion. What is not entirely sensible is the woman who looked like an academic in her mid-50s (certainly old enough to know better!) walking obliviously past the signs and through the coned off area! What. The. Eff? If people like her have given up on reading signs what hope have we got?

Oh, and talking of feckless - The boy on the till in Sainsbury's. Once I'd realised a second pair of tights had been ruined and I didn't have a spare I had to go and buy some more. Gah! I know Sainsbury's sold tights and I also knew they were behind the counter so I would have to ask for them. Oh how I hoped for a female cashier to be on. They would sympathise with me! Alas no, there was a boy behind the till. I went up and said "Hi, I need a pair of tights and they need to be large size please. What have you got?" Then he got all flustered just because I was asking for tights. He actually said "I'm maybe not the best person to ask about this." What? You're they guy standing behind the counter that has the tights behind it. All I'm asking you to do is read the flipping packets and give me some that are LARGE. Jesus! It seems it's too much to expect shop assistants to read labels these days. Feckless feckless feckless!

And then I got attacked by a wasp outside the shop. What the hell? It's October, why are there still wasps flying around?

I should have stayed in bed...

Yes he is...

It's The End Of The World As We Know It... NOT!

So, these scientists in Switzerland were supposed to be causing the end of the world this week. They were going to do this by spinning lots of stuff round in a colander or something, thus creating mini black holes that would suck us all into oblivion.

I for one was looking forward to this and am slightly disappointed to find myself still here.

I had three days off last week to try and collect my sanity before the start of term but they didn't really help. I spent most of the time sitting on my butt reading Jilly Cooper, ignoring the washing up and generally having a fine old time. Instead of rejuvenating and refreshing me the time off just threw into sharp relief how much work blows at the moment. Waking up on Monday morning was unbelievably awful and dragging my ass into the office was even worse. Sigh.

Next week is Freshers Week and if those scientists had managed to completely destroy the world I wouldn't have had to face the students coming back. That would have been sweeeeeet.

Mind you, if the world had ended I would not have got my new boots. I obviously wouldn't have been around to care though so it's not much consolation.

Still, I've not over-reacted as much as that poor lassie in India who committed suicide. I don't want to speak ill of the dead and it's a freaking tragedy but killing yourself seems to me to be one of the most stupid and futile responses to the end of the world possible. I mean really, WTF? That's like chucking paraffin on a chip pan fire.

More evidence that George Clooney should call me...

“I couldn’t do what Brad and Angie are doing. I wouldn’t have the patience or dedication you need to take care of a family. I admire those qualities in other people but it’s not for me. I’m doing exactly what I want to.” George Clooney admits he’s unlikely to ever become a father, while promoting his new film at the Venice Film Festival with good friend Brad Pitt, father of six children with Angelina Jolie.

Gorgeous gorgeous George, I don't like the little rug rats either. Let's talk. In fact, let's not talk. Talking is the last thing we should be doing. Well, maybe a little talking after all the other stuff...

George's reaction?



Dammit!

It Works On So Many Levels

More bad tattoos here

http://cityrag.blogs.com/main/2008/08/bad-tattoos-in.html

I'm... what's the word? Impressed by the under boob one as well.

Horses for Courses?

Well, after all that heady literary talk and stretching of my intellectual muscles I've discovered the deep joy of Jilly Cooper novels this week. Man, you get your money's worth with one of her books. I spent every spare waking moment for about five days reading Riders and thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it. What a book! "A great rollercoaster of a novel with a couple of hot gypsies thrown in?" Well it's non-stop action all the way through but there's only one gypsy.

The only trouble with reading Riders is that you get the feeling that instead of slogging away in nine to five dreariness you should be guzzling champagne and enjoying the heady and hectic lifestyle of those on the international show jumping circuit. It reinforced my opinion that I should be rich and idle, instead of just poor and idle. Sigh.

I found these smashing Prada boots when browsing all the shoes I can't afford on the Saks Fifth Avenue web site. They would be just the thing for rolling about in the hay with Rupert Campbell Black don'tcherthink?

And check out the back view. How ridiculously sexy does that look? Imagine standing there, purposefully whacking the riding crop against the leather of those boots and telling Rupert he performed abysmally in that last round and will have to be punished....

Gosh. I think I might have to go for a little lie down now.