FAIL Blog

The FAIL Blog has been linked from I Can Has Cheezburger and I love it! It too has a random button. Oh dear...

Some of my faves:

http://failblog.org/2008/01/04/fish-fail/

http://failblog.org/2008/03/26/fair-game-fail/

http://failblog.org/2008/03/23/dancing-fail/

Funk to Funky

It's kinda worrying how happy a DVD box set can make you isn't it? Or is that just me? Probably. Sigh.

I spent a lot of last week in deep anxiety that the postie was going to pilfer my mail, or should I say male? Mmm, Gene Genie.

In a frenzy of rabid fandom I pre-ordered my Ashes to Ashes box set on Amazon almost as soon as I could. For some stupid reason, I can't for the life of me remember why, I put the delivery address as my flat instead of work. Whyyyyyy? Why did I do that? I didn't realise I had until I got the confirmation of despatch email and then, as I said, I spent several anxious days waiting for it to be delivered. I thought perhaps if the Ashes to Ashes DVDs were the same size as the Life on Mars ones were then they would fit through my letterbox.

However, the postie either a) can never get access to the stair to deliver the mail through letterboxes or b) can't be arsed climbing the stairs. The perpetual pile of mail at the bottom of the stairwell is a constant annoyance for me because nobody else in the stair seems to want to deal with it. What do they think? The Mail Fairies take it away. Gaaaah. Just don't get me started.

Anyhoo, joy of joys the note from the Royal Mail to say that my parcel couldn't be delivered finally appeared on Friday afternoon. Hoorah! I almost considered getting up and going to fetch it on Saturday morning but in the event the lure of my bed was too much to resist so my DVDs had to languish at the sorting office over the weekend. Poor things.

I eventually managed to retrieve them on Monday evening but was forced to socialize with a good friend and drink wine instead of rushing home to watch the entire series all in one sitting. Waily! I did manage to squeeze in one and a half episodes before bed though. Hoorah! It's really quite thrilling to watch them again with the knowledge of where the series goes and what the twists are. I'm having great fun trying to spot the clues and looking for hints as to where the next series is going to go.

And of course, I'm falling in love all over again with Gene Hunt. They really sexed him up for the 80's by the way. He's all slick and Thatcherite Gene Genie. Phwoooaarrrrr! For my gentle readers who haven't seen Life on Mars they will not know what the hell I am on about. Suffice to say that Philip Glenister, as DCI Gene Hunt, is one of the hottest unlikely sex symbols ever. I remember the relief I felt when I found out that it was actually ok to fancy him. Phew! I'm not as big a sexual pervert as I thought. Honest guv!

The fan forums on Facebook are making this one of the most enjoyable bits of television I've seen for a good long while as well. I was able to keep up with the episode discussions without spoilers because I'd seen them when they were broadcast and I've been reading the theories about where the series is going with interest. If some of the more perceptive fans are right there's more to the Gene Genie than meets the eye, a whole hell of a lot more! I won't say anything here because I wouldn't want to spoil Life on Mars or Ashes to Ashes for anyone that wants to go and check them out. However, I would heartily recommend you do, especially if you enjoy the likes of Get Carter, The Sweeney, The Professionals and Starsky & Hutch.

So anyway, continuing my theme of attractive men, above is a picture of the delicious Philip Glenister. He's so handsome, no?

No? Oh well, all the more for me! :oP

Iron Man Is A Mortal Man (Hallelujah!)

So I went to see Iron Man last night and I'm happy to report I thoroughly enjoyed it. It has humour, action, a superbly bad baddie and Robert Downey Jr. Rrrrawwrrrr. Admittedly I could have happily sat and looked at a picture of RDJ for two hours and still thought I'd got my money's worth but the film was thoroughly entertaining as well. Thank goodness Gwynnie only mildly annoyed me! Her character is a good one so if you kind of half squint you can forget it's her. Then RDJ appears on the screen again and suddenly everything is right with the world. Sigh.

Anyway, I spent a lot of that film scrutinising the divinely handsome and delicious looking Mr Downy Jr and spotted (ha ha!) something amazing. There are a lot of close-up shots of his face when he's flying about in his Iron Man suit and I noticed that he had a spot erupting on the left hand side of his nose. I tell you, that's the sexiest damn pluke I've ever seen in my life. Believe it or not, it added to his attractiveness for me. I'm also quite amazed it hasn't been CGI'd out or anything. I'm sure if that blemish had been anywhere near Miss Paltrow they would have spent hefty amounts of cash getting it out of the film. That's probably a sad indication of the unfair pressure on women in Hollywood (and life in general) to look immaculate at all times but I'd rather contemplate how dashing and lickable RDJ is than get on my soap box.

I will take a moment to say how impressed I am with Jeff Bridges though. That man is a bloody good actor and it's probably not said enough. It took me a good few moments to realise it was him with the baldy heid and the huge beard.

Ok, back to RDJ now. Yumsle! The film is kind of the RDJ show, in the same way that A Streetcar Named Desire became the Marlon Brando show, but as I said - That's fine by me. Oh! How beautiful was Marlon Brando in Streetcar, while we're on the subject. Wow!

Anyway, I didn't realise that there's a whole extra scene at the end of the credits on Iron Man so I'll just have to go and see it again. That's my excuse anyway and I'm sticking to it!

By the way, how cute is this picture? I found it while looking for images and couldn't resist. I used the one at the top of the post because I wanted one that showed off 'The Guns' and, surprisingly enough, there didn't seem to be that many. I would have thought the Iron Man marketing team would have been bunging loads out. RDJ is looking well buff these days! Oh go on, I'll say it one more time - Phwoooaarrrrrrrrr!

Prawns and Pink Fizz and Prada, Oh My!

So, it was a bank holiday yesterday for everyone in Scotland, except anyone who works where I work. Waaaaaaaah! I was sat in the office with a great view of all the swines lounging about in George Square. They really didn't look like they were enjoying the sun at all. No, it looked terrible out there.

Sigh.

But fear not gentle reader, I did get invited to my first barbecue of the season yesterday. Huzzah! By the time I got to my friends' house there was a teeny sliver of sunshine left in the corner of their garden but the BBQ had been lit in preparation an hour earlier... and in true BBQ tradition had gone out again. Hey ho, we just lit it again and had some more pink fizzy wine.

Eventually we chucked some prawns on the barbie, and some veggie kebabs. There are few things in life that are as yummy as a barbecued mushroom in my opinion, they are just delishiooose! Then on went the sausages and burgers for a good old grilling and they all got scoffed. That HP BBQ sauce is pretty dang tasty as well. I doused my burger in it to the point of drippiness but it would have been uncouth to have drunk it. Bah. The whole evening was rounded off with absolutely huge strawberries, they may even have been the size of the proverbial hand fruit. Gosh! It was only after I left that I realised I was stuffed to capacity and if anyone had been unwise enough to poke me in the belly it would have been disastrously messy. Now, that's the sign of a good BBQ!

So I'm glad I got to go to at least one barbecue this summer. I wonder if this bodes well for the rest of the season? After the horrible summer we had last year I do hope so. The funny thing was that although it had been an absolutely lovely day and the evening was cool but not cold, we could see our breath. Now that's a Scottish barbecue!

Today The Manolo brought our attention to these sandles from Prada. Again, they're probably a bit ridiculously pricey but they're also ridiculously beautiful. Would these not be the perfect thing for a barbecue? Just right for dropping ketchup on your foot, or even BBQ sauce!

Taking Jelly Shoes To The Ridiculous Conclusion?

So, perusing the usual Blog Roll today I came across a reference to some new Stella McCartney sandals.

"Stella McCartney lucite-heel sandals: Transparency is one trend where accessories add just the right touch. McCartney's bottle-green sandals marry a tough gladiator feel with a Lucite heel. $1,195 at www.net-a-porter.com."

Hold on a minute! $1,195??? I just did a currency conversion on that and it comes out to £600.93.

Six hundred squid for what is essentially a pair of jelly shoes?

Oh hang on though, if you go to Net-A-Porter's UK website they're a snip at £545. That's ok then. Stella obviously does a discount for her fellow Limeys.

As Manolo would say "Ayyyyy!"

For a bit of fun I thought I'd go and see what I'd rather spend £545 on and was spoilt for choice.

With summer approaching there's these gorgeous Emilio Pucci espadrilles. A bargainous £375.

Just another example of how money can't buy you taste!

Quote of the Day

I just came across this quotation from Katherine Hepburn today. Gotta love the woman!

"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married."

This lead me to investigate some of her other quotes. Here's another gem:

"If you're given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal."

Does anyone want to give me that choice? No? Aw c'mon!

That lead me to check out some more quotes on the Quote of the Day page I found. http://www.quotedb.com/

Here's a goodie

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
Steve Martin

Some more Steve Wisdom

"All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work."

And then I found one from Mark Twain. This is like getting stuck in a Wikipedia loop!

"Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest."

To finish, and lower the tone to a more familiar level, a couple from Mae West...

"Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you."

"The curve is more powerful than the sword."

Must Be Nice To Be A Muse

I was idly checking out the news items on the BBC web site when I came across this story:

"The woman who inspired one of Sir John Betjeman's most famous poems has died at the age of 92. Joan Jackson was immortalised in print as Miss J Hunter Dunn in Sir John's 1941 poem, A Subaltern's Love Song."

I wasn't familiar with this poem but I was recently looking at some of Betjeman's poetry because I'd been talking to Nat about a quotation from him. I decided to check out the poem and I'm so glad I did because it's lovely. Poetry's not usually my bag (baby!) but I like what I've seen of Betjeman's stuff so I must make an effort to look out more of it.

Anyway, there's a quote in the news story from the lady in question's son - "She never said she was proud to be his muse but she did not consider it a joke."

Having read the poem I have to say if I'd inspired such a beautiful piece of writing I'd be proud. Perhaps her modesty was another of her charms?

Anyway, here it is. Read and sigh away like me

*sigh*

A Subaltern's Love Song

Miss J. Hunter Dunn, Miss J. Hunter Dunn,
Furnish'd and burnish'd by Aldershot sun,
What strenuous singles we played after tea,
We in the tournament - you against me!

Love-thirty, love-forty, oh! weakness of joy,
The speed of a swallow, the grace of a boy,
With carefullest carelessness, gaily you won,
I am weak from your loveliness, Joan Hunter Dunn.

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
How mad I am, sad I am, glad that you won,
The warm-handled racket is back in its press,
But my shock-headed victor, she loves me no less.

Her father's euonymus shines as we walk,
And swing past the summer-house, buried in talk,
And cool the verandah that welcomes us in
To the six-o'clock news and a lime-juice and gin.

The scent of the conifers, sound of the bath,
The view from my bedroom of moss-dappled path,
As I struggle with double-end evening tie,
For we dance at the Golf Club, my victor and I.

On the floor of her bedroom lie blazer and shorts,
And the cream-coloured walls are be-trophied with sports,
And westering, questioning settles the sun,
On your low-leaded window, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.

The Hillman is waiting, the light's in the hall,
The pictures of Egypt are bright on the wall,
My sweet, I am standing beside the oak stair
And there on the landing's the light on your hair.

By roads "not adopted", by woodlanded ways,
She drove to the club in the late summer haze,
Into nine-o'clock Camberley, heavy with bells
And mushroomy, pine-woody, evergreen smells.

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
I can hear from the car park the dance has begun,
Oh! Surrey twilight! importunate band!
Oh! strongly adorable tennis-girl's hand!

Around us are Rovers and Austins afar,
Above us the intimate roof of the car,
And here on my right is the girl of my choice,
With the tilt of her nose and the chime of her voice.

And the scent of her wrap, and the words never said,
And the ominous, ominous dancing ahead.
We sat in the car park till twenty to one
And now I'm engaged to Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.

I Love The Hoff!

Ladies and gentlemen, the Hoff aint dead yet! Hoorah!

Spam Is Getting Stranger All The Time

What is it with spammers? Sometimes you look at the emails you get and you can't believe anybody would fall for that, in their right minds or not!

I've noticed that dating websites seem to spam the celebrity gossip rag blogs that I am hopelessly addicted to these days. Under a story about how Madonna's marriage to Guy Ritchie is as strong as ever is some weird message stating they think she's really pretty and they saw her profile on a millionaire's dating site. WTF? It's just annoying.

Anyway, I was doing one of my periodical clean outs of my Spam folder in Gmail* and came across one that made me pause...

The subject line was 'become an unexcelled lover'.

WTF? My brain couldn't quite process this concept. With reflection I realise it means 'excelled by none' but at the time all I could think of was that they were offering you the chance to become crap in bed. It must have been all the emails surrounding it that were offering cheap viagra and ways to satisfy your woman that muddled my mind. I was tickled with the following visual image...

There was Juan, exhausted from an afternoon of pleasuring nubile young ladies, snatching a few brief moments between snatches to check his email. "Mi dios!" he exclaims, "Just what I have been looking for. This incessant accomplished and passionate love making is exhausting me. How many are the times have I wished I was not such an excellent lover! I must send these kind people my bank details immediately."

Anyway, here's a picture of David Tennant as Casanova. I haven't seen the series myself but I have just got it for Kirsi for her birthday (Ssssh! Don't tell her yet.) It's not Sci Fi but I'm hoping we can work it into the Sci Fi Sunday Schedule because I want to see it too. She'll probably watch it all in one sitting and then lend me the DVDs though. I don't think she could wait between Sundays for her Tennant fix. Hey ho, I'll let you know if it's any good :o)


*I usually check in case some message I do actually want to read has been shovelled in there. I'm waiting for somebody on GumTree to get back to me about a couple of free shoe racks they were advertising. They haven't though. Sheesh! Courtesy costs nothing. Even a wee email to say "thanks for your interest but they're gone" wouldn't have taken 30 seconds to dash off. Man, I hate people!

Ahem. Rant over.

WTF?

These Prada efforts would set you back $790 at Saks Fifth Avenue but I have to ask why would you bother? They're frigging hideous!

Sigh, Sigh and Sigh Again

So yeah, yesterday was pretty dang annoying. The afternoon wound on at a very slow pace until it was FINALLY time to leave the office. I was off to the Film House to meet Louise and indulge in a bit of classic Hollywood. I'd been looking forward to this for aaaaages, we were going to see Now Voyager.

The crappiness of yesterday carried on because on my way to the Film House the number 35 bus was at the stop on Lauriston Place. This is the bus that would take me right to Cineworld but today I was not going to that cinema so it was no good to me. Typical!

Anyhoo, I got there on time and met Louise and Little Lord Duff in the Film House cafe. Little Jim was not a happy baby (I'm sorry he was like this but it is reassuring to know it's not just when he sees me!) so we had to take him outside. After about 10 minutes his daddy turned up and Leese and I got to ditch the kid and go for some wine. Hoorah! I'm sure Leese won't mind me saying that, she was looking forward to a glass as much as me! ;o)

We sucked back some lovely shiraz and got settled in to cinema 3 to enjoy the movie.

And oh how I enjoyed it!

It was superb. Bette Davis was marvelous, both as the dowdy and downtrodden Charlotte and as Charlotte trying to find the balance between freedom and being a dutiful daughter. Marvelous! Paul Henreid was just gorgeous as the unhappily married architect and Claude Rains was adorable as the kindly doctor.

One other thing I adored about this movie was that it gave due importance to shoes. One of the first glimpses you get of the mysterious Charlotte is a shot of her clumpy, sensible shoes creeping down the staircase and hesitating while she listens to what they are saying about her. "Look at my shoes!" Charlotte cries during her outburst to Dr Jaquith, "They are shoes my mother would approve of!" And when Charlotte has been coaxed out of her shell and a butterfly is emerging, the first glimpse we see of the new, improved Charlotte is a gorgeous pair of black and white heels coming down the gangplank. The shoes maketh the woman.

Brilliant, brilliant film. I must buy it!

April Fool? Ha Bloody Ha.

What is it with today? It's the first of April, All Fools' Day, but it seems to me the universe is having a cruel laugh at my expense today. Sigh.

I didn't set my alarm properly so slept in. I'm having a horrendous hair day and I couldn't find anything to wear because I did my laundry yesterday. Well, anything I really wanted to wear and you know how leaving the house in something you're not sure about unsettles your whole day. The hair thing is bad too, it's all freaking static. So anyway, I had a huge crisis over what colour tights to wear because I couldn't seem to find a clean black pair without a hole in them. Luckily a pair from the wash yesterday weren't too soggy so on they went.

Then I went to Scotmid to treat myself to a croissant, popped one I'd carefully selected in a bag and then watched as it went straight through the bag and landed on the floor. The bag was faulty and my croissant was sitting on the filthy floor of the supermarket. Great.

Then I found the fastener on my umbrella is broken. I found this out when the weather couldn't make up its mind if it was going to rain or not. I put my brollie up and down about 3 times between my flat and the office! I'd also put on a lighter scarf in the mistaken optimism that perhaps the weather yesterday was a taste of things to come. WRONG! I found out I was wrong when I left the house and had the wind whistling down the back of my neck.

Sigh.

And it goes on I'm afraid...

I got rained on at lunch time. "Will I need my brollie when I go out?" I asked my colleague. Her opinion was not. WRONG! I got rained on. My one consolation is it was so windy the umbrella would not have helped all that much and would probably have ended up in the bin.

Then I got back to the office and somehow managed to snag my tights on my socks. WTF? How does that happen? The freaking tights I took so godsdamn long to locate this morning now have a big hole in the foot. I don't have a spare pair of black in the drawer either, used them the other day. Crapholes! I've put some Prit Stick on the hole and tried to stuff it into my shoe but the ladder will probably get bigger and bigger as the day goes on.

And then, just a few moments ago, my favourite pearl necklace (no jokes please, I'm just not in the mood) broke.

Sure, the damn thing only cost about £1.49 in Superdrug and it's the second one I've been through but dammitt! It had to happen today didn't it? What else is going to happen? Actually, scratch that. I don't want to think about it. It's tempting fate too much....

Got To Love Nemi

Click for bigger :o)

Puts It In Perspective....

I've been bitching and moaning about my job for a while now but I got a head hunting email from a recruitment website that made me feel better about my lot....

This is the position that they're trying to fill:

Office Administrator

Edinburgh £Negotiable (depending on experience) but exceeds the minimum wage

This is an exciting opportunity to join a leading firm of Sheriff Officers, providing comprehensive adminstrative support to our Sheriff Officer/Enquiry Services team. With experience in a similar role, you will require to have strong I.T. and communications skills and enjoy working as part of a team in a busy office environment. Ideally, we are looking for someone with previous experience in a supervisory role.

THE ROLE

The role will involve

Dealing with day to day instructions received from clients and processing instructions onto [the] system. Dealing with telephone calls from both clients/ debtors. Working closely with Management and Sheriff Officers to ensure workload is completed within timescales allowed. Keeping a daily diary and writing straightforward reports when necessary.

I guess it's reassuring that the pay is more than the minimum wage (anything less would be illegal wouldn't it?) but I still don't fancy it. Students may be horrible to work with but I'd hate to work for Sheriff Officers. Dealing with telephone calls from debtors?? Yeeesh! No thanks.

Still, I'm not saying I'd never do this job I'm just saying I'd rather not and it all makes my wages and pension and sick pay and nice view out of the window that much more attractive.

So I guess the message is stop and smell the flowers (specifically the bouquet I was given for my excellent help with the TPR last week, which is sitting on the office counter) because things could be a whole lot worse!!

Here's a picture of Javier Bardem smelling some flowers... Yum!

Clever and Comfy Shoes?

It's been a while* since I've seen a pair of shoes that I have majorly coveted or have made me audibly gasp but I saw a pair today.

*Possibly because I haven't been looking due to skintness. Sigh.

Anyway. The marvelous Manolo was recommending a pair of Cole Haan shoes to a friend who was going to Vegas for a girly weekend. Oh, how I envy that person! The pair of heels he recommended apparently have Nike Air technology in the soles to make them super comfy. I decided to check out the rest of the Cole Haan collection to see if there were any other heels that have this.

Oh my! Yes there are. These are the Joelle Air Bow Pump in Claret and they made me gasp! Oh how I covet these! Unfortunately I don't have $299 to spend on shoes and I don't know if Zappos ship to the UK. I suspect they do but I'm scared to find out.

Mental note: must find new Sugar Daddy or win the lottery.

Sigh.

Planning Ahead

I heard a story on the news this morning about the rail link between Edinburgh an Glasgow being improved in preparation for the Commonwealth Games in 2014. That in itself was not the bit that caught my attention... it was the bit that said the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow are going to be on at the same time as the first week of the Edinburgh Festival.

Gadzooks!

I tell you now that I think I'd better get the hell out of Dodge at that point or I'm probably going to end up murderising somebody.

Then it struck me that it might be a good idea to set up a 'Holiday 2014' fund and start paying say £10 or £20 a month into it. By August 2014, if all goes to plan, I should have enough for a really flipping fantastic holiday. I fancy Hawaii or somewhere in South America, though New Zealand and/or Australia would also be strong contenders.

Just imagine wandering happily along pristine white beaches while contemplating all the sweaty, angry, drunk people stuffed into Edinburgh and Glasgow.... Ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh yes, it must be done....

Why Do We Do It?

Not the drinking thing, we all know why we do that! It's fun at the time and loosens us up. No, what I'm asking is why you stop doing it so much as you get a bit older?

Well, there's the obvious answer of not being able to handle the hangovers any more. Time was - in the dim and distant past - you could go out on the lash, drink your bodyweight in cider & black, dance your ass off, stagger home at around 4am and still get up and work a shift in Tesco. Oh no longer! These days 2 glasses of wine on a school night seems to give you a sore head and a mouth like bum in the morning. God forbid you go out on a bender at the weekend, you'll have a 2 day hangover for doing that. The severity of your hangover always seems to be disproportionate to the amount of alcohol you drank as well. As I said, 2 glasses and you feel like the proverbial pig shat in your head.

I have also come to the conclusion that you can't handle the embarrassment of undignified behaviour any more either. In your heady youth the things that would make you cringe with embarrassment were, in no particular order (and I haven't done all of these!):

What you woke up next to in the morning (animal, vegetable or mineral)
The memory of discussing your bra size with your pervy older work colleagues
Being sick on yourself
Being sick on somebody else
Stealing pointless items (traffic cones, posters, etc. Not glasses, glasses are always useful)
Snogging inappropriate people
etc. etc. etc.

I tend not to do such outrageous things these days but my embarrassment threshold has certainly lowered over the years. I went to a party on Saturday evening and am having painful flashbacks to singing karaoke very badly and clutching the hostess while giving her advice on her man troubles... and the advice I gave her was "F*ck him! F*ck him in his stupid ass!" Oh. My. God. Apparently this was the right advice to give at the time but I'm still a little embarrassed because I was standing in the middle of the hallway and said it very loudly at least 3 times.

Oh, and all I seem to be able to talk to strangers about these days is my views on corporal punishment. Luckily on this occasion the lady I was talking to totally agreed with me but I have to admit, I'm even starting to bore myself! Maybe it's not my fault though? I don't want to talk about mortgages or babies or cars or tax breaks or golf or weddings or holidays or any of that. What are you left with? The eternal Alien Vs Predator debate (that's now been answered. It's Predator in case you're wondering, but I suspect only because the film makers imbued them with some human stupidity) and coporal punishment. My embarrassment threshold won't really let me talk to complete strangers about more interesting (and intimate) subjects. Sigh.

I watched La Dolce Vita this weekend and one scene, where Marcello and his crazy ass fiancee go to the party of an intellectual friend, stuck in my mind. There they all are, sitting around being incredibly bohemian and Italian and intellectual, and having wonderfully artistic and philosophical discussions. I was quite jealous. There again, this was a portrayal of unspeakably cool people living in Rome in the 60s so it's probably natural to be jealous. Sigh. The kind of parties I seem to end up at are the ones like the last one of the film - decadence and drunkeness and boredom. Bah!

Hey ho. One drunken idea I had that still seems like a pretty good idea in the cold light of day is a fancy dress party for my birthday. You have been warned....

Who Says Romance Is Dead?

V-D Quote

Yeah, we all hate it and think it's a crock of shite cooked up by smug married capitalists but I did come across this quote which I like:

I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
- Unknown

And some words of wisdom sent to me by my colleague Ewen:

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.

• BERTRAND RUSSELL
• philosopher and writer

I asked Ewen if he thought Bertie just talked that way to get chicks and he replied:

"Reminds me that Clive James, reviewing Ray Monk's biography of Russell, and referring to the tortured prose of Russell's love letters (he and his lady friend used to refer to each other as "thee" and "thou"), described it as "exalted flapdoodle".

Heh heh, he said flap!

Well, that's VD over for another year. Thank flurk!

Not Today Thanks, We Don't Want Any.

So, this student comes to see me today because she got a lateness penalty on her essay but it wasn't late. This was a genuine mistake by the marker and I rectified the it. However, this really didn't do her much of a favour - it just brought her mark up from 29 to 34. Let me make this clear so the following is in context - that's 34 out of a possible 100 marks. Not V.G.

So once I change her mark she starts asking me about how this will effect her in the exam and her overall mark. I explain to her that she should try and do her best on the exam in December (Ha ha! Good luck!) but if she fails the course she'll have to do the resit in August. Her little face fell at this, I think it would interfere with her plans to get wasted in Ibiza or something.

She also asked me what she should do about getting penalised for missing tutorials. I explain that if she has a legitimate reason for having missed them then she should get in touch with her Director of Studies and start talking about a special circumstances appeal. She explains that she really doesn't have much of a legitimate excuse for not attending. Um, ok. Points for honesty I guess...

So then.... get this.... she starts asking about how she can transfer her degree to Politics.

Hello? Um, you did realise that you just got 34 for your essay and have been skiving tutorials? And you want to transfer your degree to this subject? Well, why sure! Come on in! You're just the calibre of student that we want!

Oh. Em. Gee. Seriously. Oh. Em. Gee.

Is Politics the university equivalent of a Higher in Religious Studies or something? People think it's going to be a totally easy qualification and a bit of a laugh (which it's not by the way. I got an A and worked dang hard for it!!)

I mean, seriously. I'm still flabberghasted that she asked. I tried my best to dissuade her by saying it wasn't all that easy and so on and so forth. I'm very proud that I managed not to shout her out of my office for being a freakin' idiot.

Good gravy! I find myself wanting to use the phrase "Youth of Today" mostly with the words "Line them up against the wall and shoot them."

Yep, I guess I'm a fully fledged grumpy old fart. Gimme my bus pass!