Not Today Thanks, We Don't Want Any.

So, this student comes to see me today because she got a lateness penalty on her essay but it wasn't late. This was a genuine mistake by the marker and I rectified the it. However, this really didn't do her much of a favour - it just brought her mark up from 29 to 34. Let me make this clear so the following is in context - that's 34 out of a possible 100 marks. Not V.G.

So once I change her mark she starts asking me about how this will effect her in the exam and her overall mark. I explain to her that she should try and do her best on the exam in December (Ha ha! Good luck!) but if she fails the course she'll have to do the resit in August. Her little face fell at this, I think it would interfere with her plans to get wasted in Ibiza or something.

She also asked me what she should do about getting penalised for missing tutorials. I explain that if she has a legitimate reason for having missed them then she should get in touch with her Director of Studies and start talking about a special circumstances appeal. She explains that she really doesn't have much of a legitimate excuse for not attending. Um, ok. Points for honesty I guess...

So then.... get this.... she starts asking about how she can transfer her degree to Politics.

Hello? Um, you did realise that you just got 34 for your essay and have been skiving tutorials? And you want to transfer your degree to this subject? Well, why sure! Come on in! You're just the calibre of student that we want!

Oh. Em. Gee. Seriously. Oh. Em. Gee.

Is Politics the university equivalent of a Higher in Religious Studies or something? People think it's going to be a totally easy qualification and a bit of a laugh (which it's not by the way. I got an A and worked dang hard for it!!)

I mean, seriously. I'm still flabberghasted that she asked. I tried my best to dissuade her by saying it wasn't all that easy and so on and so forth. I'm very proud that I managed not to shout her out of my office for being a freakin' idiot.

Good gravy! I find myself wanting to use the phrase "Youth of Today" mostly with the words "Line them up against the wall and shoot them."

Yep, I guess I'm a fully fledged grumpy old fart. Gimme my bus pass!

Further Adventures in Email

I just sent a snippy email to someone but then felt I had to apologis for it because it wasn't really their fault they sent me the email that made me angry, but it kind of was. Gaaaah!

Ok, this is what happened.

1. Politics graduate emailed International Office to ask about how our grades translate for a post grad in America.

2. International Office forward email to SSPS Post Grad office.

3. SSPS post grad office forward email to me.

5. I read email, say "WTF???" and send snippy reply saying it's not an enquiry for me but I'll deal with it because it's been all over the place.

6. I look up the International Office web site, work out who is the most likely person to be able to answer my query from their highly detailed and helpful staff list and phone that person.

7. That person says "Oh yes, forward the query to me and I'll deal with it."

8. I thank them profusely and then notice that the International Office is the first frickin' place the email went to.

9. So then I email the person who sent it to me and apologise for being snippy. I hope they feed back the snippiness to the International Office. Sheesh!!!

BTW - The Dilbert cartoon above is now my computer wallpaper. I was going to use a picture of someone banging their head against a brick wall but couldn't find one I liked. It seems only businessmen are allowed to bang their heads against walls. Sigh.

Cookie Monster

So I've been baking a lot recently (bananananana bread and cookies and bananananana bread, oh my!) and the cookies I made last night turned out great! I thought I had better record the recipe before I lost it. It's currently jotted down on the back of an envelope so losing it is a distinct possibility....


The Basic Cookie Recipe

1.5 cups/4.5 oz/127 g
sugar
1 cup/4 oz/ 113 g margarine or butter
1 egg
2.25 cups/8 oz/ 226 g flour
(if using plain flour or gluten free then add baking powder. 1 tsp for plain flour or for each 200g gluten free four).
2 drops vanilla essence
2 cups/100g chocolate
Slosh of booze

Beat the sugar and margarine/butter together in a large bowl.

Add the egg. Beat again.

Sift in the flour (and baking powder if using it). Add the vanilla essence, chocolate, any other nuts or fruit you fancy and a generous slosh of rum or Tia Maria or Sailor Jerry's or... you get the idea.

Mix until you have cookie dough.

Put the dough in cling film and make a big sausage out of it. Bung this in the freezer for 20 - 30 minutes.

Cut the dough into roughly 15 roughly even bits. Mould them into sort of round dods and put them on a baking tray on top of baking paper. Actually, use 2 trays because they spread out a lot. Cook in a pre-heated oven, gas mark 3.5 (170 degrees C/350 degrees F), for 15 or so minutes.

Take them out and try and leave them to cool before you scoff the lot!

Here We Go Again...

-----Original Message-----
From: Notpaidenough@myjob.for.this.crap

Sent: 14 November 2007 16:32
To: Uppitty Madam
Subject: Essay - Please Resubmit Electronically ASAP
Importance: High

Dear Uppitty

I'm afraid that a cut and paste submission of your essay cannot be accepted as this causes problems with the plagiarism software.

Please upload your essay as an attachment as per the instructions on page 8 of the course handbook.
Please make sure your essay is saved in the right file format and has the right file name. More information can also be found on page 8 of the course handbookand in the 'Essay Information' section on the Course Content page in WebCT.

Thank you.

-----Original Message-----
From: Uppitty Madam
Sent: 14 November 2007 22:29
To: Notpaidenough@myjob.for.this.crap
Subject: Re: Essay - Please Resubmit Electronically ASAP

Dear Ms. Notpaidenough,
Thank you for your response. I have attempted to submit my essay again, and fortunately, was successful this time. But I would like to add that I am not computer illiterate (or of sub-standard
intelligence) and that I tried every way I could think of (a few weeks ago now) to make the school computers work in order for me to submit my essay. So that I would not be marked late (as I was certainly submitting my essay on time), I was forced to copy and paste (I left a note, but I believe it was disregarded). I immediately wrote Dr Course Organiser afterwards asking him what he wanted me to do, and a few days later I received the one-lined response that I should write you immediately. I took his advice, and as you are aware, you have responded just recently (it appears that that e-mail was disregarded as well).
I hope this new submission will be in a sufficient format for the plagiarism software and won't cause you any more problems. Thank you again for your time.


A bit overly defensive methinks, and totally flipping cheeky. I forwarded it to the Course Organiser and asked him to have a word. I DO NOT have to put up with that.


-----Original Message-----
From: Course Organiser
Sent: 15 November 2007 15:29
To: Uppitty Madam
Subject: Contact with Course Secretary

Dear Uppitty,

I think if you had taken some more time before sending to read your e mail to Notpaidenough regarding your failure to submit your essay electronically, you would have concluded that your tone was both unwarranted and inappropriate. You might also have concluded that your representation of my speed of response was inaccurate and your criticism of Notpaidenough's failure to prioritise you over all other students more than a touch egocentric.

Regards,

Course Convenor


Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! That man’s my new hero!


-----Original Message-----
From: Uppitty Madam
Sent: 15 November 2007 17:57
To: Notpaidenough@myjob.for.this.crap
Subject: Fwd: Contact with Course Secretary

Dear Ms. Notpaidenough,
I am very shocked to hear that you (I assume from Mr. Course Convenor’s e-mail) have found my e-mail to you last night to be unwarranted and inappropriate. I must tell you though, that I am very sorry you have interpreted it this way, and I am also very sorry if I have caused you any offence. I must also tell you though, that I most certainly did not write that e-mail with any intentions of unwarrentedness or inappropriateness whatsoever and that my ONLY intention was to thank you for your assistance and to try to explain to you that I had made an effort and that I wasn't just some random student who didn't do their work. After re-reading my e-mail to you, I must admit I am still at a complete loss to discover where these sentiments might have fit in, but again, I am very sorry if you somehow discerned them (which I gather you have). Again, on my end at least, they certainly never even existed.
I very much hope you can accept my apology and again, thank you for your assistance in regards to the online essay submission.
Sincerely,
Uppitty Madam
(On a side note, if you read Mr. Convenor's e-mail to me below, you will notice that he calls me very egocentric. I assure you that I am well aware of the fact that I am not the only student in the course and I can tell you that I do not think that I am in any way more entitled to school services than any other student - those notions are quite preposterous to me.)


WORST APOLOGY EVER!

Hang on though…


Quoting Uppitty Madam

Dear Mr. Convenor,
I am very shocked at your letter you have written me. I had no idea
that the e-mail I wrote Ms. Notpaidenough yesterday (which she has
obviously forwarded to you) had any tone whatsoever, let alone an
unwarranted and inappropriate one. I'm sorry, but it is a great
surprise to hear this and very confusing to me, as I wrote it out of complete neutrality - I thanked her for her response (which wasn't
completely neutral, I'll admit), but after that I just wanted to let her know that I had made an effort (acknowleding the three e-mails she had sent me regarding my gross failure to submit my essay). In addition, I must tell you that I would be the last person you'd ever find who would claim to be egocentric. I am very well aware and
considerate of the work that goes into most every task I engage in, and that would certainly include Ms. Notpaidenough’s job as the course secretary. I must also admit that even after re-reading the e-mail I sent Ms. Notpaidenough last night, I have not been able to discover this egocentrism you are accusing me of. (Although I will say that I find it personally very offensive that you have suggested this.) I am of the opinion that everyone is equal, and that would certainly pertain to my fellow students. Although I do not engage with them, I would never consider myself as being above them in
any way. I do my best in my courses and try to achieve all that I can
(as I very much understand the importance of university), but I never
consider it a competition against other students, especially not in
regards to attention.
I really do not know what to add as I am still very confused at your
accusations. I will of course write Ms. Notpaidenough immediately and
attempt to explain to her that I did not mean any unwarrentedness or
inappropriateness whatsoever. Besides that, I suppose that since you
have taken it upon yourself to become involved in what you might
perceive to be 'a situation', you might be able to tell me what you
would like me to do to become less unwarrented, inappropriate and
egocentric as well.
Uppitty.


Holy Crapola!


-----Original Message-----
From: Course Convenor
Sent: 16 November 2007 11:01
To: Uppitty Madam
Subject: Re: Contact with Course Secretary

Hi Uppitty,

Thanks for your message and apology. It's a very common problem with e mails that they often don't come across to any recipients as the sender intended. I totally accept that's what has happened in this case. A brief note to Notpaidenough would be a good idea. After that I think we can consider it a matter of lesson learnt and subject closed and forgotten.

All the best
Course Convenor


Ah, those of us with a bit of experience and maturity know when to call it a day.

Is it just me?

Go JK, Go!!

I've been reading up on the whole "Dumbledore Is Gay" revelation that Miss Rowling revealed this weekend and have been having mixed feelings. On the one hand I am amazed that such bigotry and stupidity is still very much in evidence in the world (well, in the U.S. of A. anyway and that is the world as far as they're concerned) and on the other hand I am terrified that such bigotry and stupidity is still very much in evidence in the world!

Who gives a crap really? Some rabid American fundamentalists do. And they care enough to post on public forums, which is handy because their lack of grammar and spelling skills reveal that their opinion probably isn't worth a chocolate frog anyway.

Here are a few of the more unbelievable and stupid posts from Newsweek

http://www.newsweek.com/id/50787/output/comments

· Posted By: emiejo @ 10/20/2007 9:43:20 AM

Comment: This is just plain sad. I am a conservative, born-again christian and came to the defense of the Potter books. I believed that the underlying message was how loyalty and goodness win over evil...period.
Thanks a bunch Rowling....you just gave conservatives more reason not to buy the book or to allow their children to read them. You didn't need to bring in such a controversial issue. In my opinion it is for publicity and to perk sales.....otherwise you are a coward. You made your millions by not revealing this "truth" prior, knowing full well the impact it would have on sales. I purchased and read every book the week each one came out. Now I wish I hadn't.

· Posted By: The Holy One @ 10/20/2007 2:09:45 AM

Comment: Thanks a lot Rowling, I'm gonna go light the local bookstore on fire to cleanse it of Satan's stench. Being gay should be a crime and is an instant ticket to hell. I hope all of you gay sympathizers end up in hell too, supporting the Devil is one of the biggest sins (besides being gay) ever.

o Posted By: maggiecat65 @ 10/20/2007 14:46:19

Comment: What is that old saying? Me thinks thou dost protest too much. Are your Gay tendencies starting to come to the surface? It is only a book people, would you ban some of the great literature of the world, just because you didn't agree with it? Again, Me thinks thou dost protest too much! !.

* Methinks maggiecat's definition of 'irony' is 'like goldy and bronzey, only made of iron...'

· Posted By: Pagan_Soul_08 @ 10/20/2007 3:02:29 AM

Comment: To you, oh Holy One, I have but one thing to say: Spout your religious dogmas and filth elsewhere you worthless sack of crap. I, for one, have amazing respect for Rowling because she can and did think to that depth in developing her character. Also, look at what she has done with the books! More people are reading, and some parents have even used the series to teach their children to read! So, she has rightfully earned my respect.

· Posted By: kiwi90210 @ 10/20/2007 7:49:53 AM

Comment: I can't believe she even felt the need to share this information! So much for my kids reading these books!

· Posted By: Sinjid777 @ 10/20/2007 9:51:34 PM

Comment: I for one don't think Dumbledore is gay. I think that the author, J.K. Rowling is an idoit looking for publicity and that all Dumbldore did was make plans for a new government with Grindlevauld. Also, this is for skindthunderbomb, CATS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!!! They are soulless and thus, cannot think, they were probably just itchy and couldn't rub their itchy spot! Anyhow, Dumbldore went through a rough patch, maybe experimented with homosexuallity and then went back to being straight. It is severel months since the book that JK revealed this so I beleive she just did this for publicity. she essentially ruined a great series because she wants to be on the spotlight.

Luckily though, there are a few out there who try to be the voice of reason against these idiots. What I was struck by is the brevity of some of these posts compared to those that are so outraged by the revelation that they felt the need to share it with the world. These people are obviously more intelligent and realise that the amount of words you use don't necessarily make what you're saying any more right.

· Posted By: A.C. Katt @ 10/19/2007 11:28:36 PM

Comment: Dumbledore is gay...hooray. There's one for the rest of us who really don't care who you love, just that you do.

· Posted By: brian.glanz @ 10/19/2007 11:08:56 PM

Comment: Christian, Muslim, and Republican conservatives are running out of places they can hide from the real world: so many of their own leaders are gay, and so is Dumbledore. It's time they stop lying to themselves and to their children about homosexuality, and so many other things.

Posted By: cmoretruth @ 10/20/2007 10:52:08

Comment: Dumbledore is NOT, I repeat NOT real. Are you all a bunch of idiots. Except not for Rowling saying he was gay there is not any other proof or situation or comentary in the books to support such a thought. which is why everyone at the signing was surprised. Grow up, the books are great fiction.

· Posted By: KarenK @ 10/20/2007 8:52:58 AM

Comment: Dumbledore is exactly the same as he was yesterday...just as wise, just as devoted to fighting Voldemort and protecting his students...he was attracted to men. That's all that's different.

· Posted By: selowitch @ 10/20/2007 9:02:12 AM

Comment: I can see it now ... Republicans in the U.S. Congress will move to pass the Defense of Literary Marriage Act forbidding fictional characters in books from entering into same-sex unions.

· Posted By: anne.nonymouse @ 10/20/2007 3:26:25 PM

Comment: It's HER BOOK, you freaks. If she says he's gay, HE'S GAY! Jeez. The unending stupidity of some in thinking they have some ownership interest in popular culture never ceases to amaze me.

· Posted By: RowlingFan @ 10/19/2007 11:46:34 PM

Comment: I wonder what percentage of Rowling's readers are having such extreme reactions as keithbrown? Didn't most of the fundamentalist Christians eschew the Harry Potter series for its so-called promotion of the so-called demonic practices of "witchcraft"? Surely most readers who understood Harry's message wouldn't judge the book any differently now knowing some new detail: one not even worthy of the author's mention of it once before across a vast and already-extensively detailed multi-volume epic.

Since the original story includes Rowling also sharing how she sees the banning of her books as a compliment -- "...if you look at which other authors are on that list. In a way it's great advertising." -- it seems that jwilkins is correct: the irony here is just getting thicker.

o Posted By: RowlingFan @ 10/20/2007 00:17:02

Comment: Sorry, I misspoke: Surely *any* readers who understood Harry's message wouldn't judge the book differently now. Other news coverage of this story has quoted Rowling saying that she considered the books a "prolonged argument for tolerance."

This Guy Just Really Doesn't Get It Does He?

Dear
On reflection, I think I may have been a bit hasty yesterday. In particular, I think I should maybe not have acceded so quickly to your request that my directee Fred be withdrawn from the course . I think now that I should at least have asked for the original enrollment to be honoured.
At the moment, I'm not minded to pursue this any further but this is largely because I believeFred has decided that he doesn't wish to take courses in Politics any further. (He had been intending to take introductory Politics courses with a view ultimately to changing his degree from M.A. Philosophy to M.A. Philosophy and Politics.)
In my time as a Director of Studies, I have enrolled literally scores of directees for hundreds of courses and never before have I encountered a case quite like this one. Of course, mistakes happen all the time and we all make them but what has made this case particularly difficult has been the fact that a week was allowed to elapse between Fred's (apparently successful) registration and and your instruction to withdraw, during which time he presumably carried on attending classes and planning assignments as usual. I'm just glad it's only a 20 credit course that was at stake and not a 40 credit course.
Sorry to go on at such length, but I think the primary issue in this case is the disruption to my directee's studies. This is virtually the end of the 4th week of teaching in this semester and I have still not been able to arrange a suitable alternative course for Fred. If his studies this year suffer as a result (which seems possible), I will encourage him to consider submitting a Special Circumstances claim.
Thank you,

No Dr Arsehole, I think the primary issue is that you have acted like an arrogant unprofessional wankstain.

Good gawd! These people are supposedly intelligent? Sheesh!

Catharsis....

My original email (CCd to the student & course convenor purely for their information. Both were already aware of the situation.)

>Dear Dr X
>
>I just spoke your tutee Fred* with regard to the
>course Introduction to Politics and International Relations ,
>for which you signed him up on the database.
>
>I'm afraid that we are not able to allow Fred to join the course
>at this stage. The course is full and we had to turn away a great many
>students in the first few weeks of the semester. You should not have
>been able to register Fred but sign up on the database seems to have
>been re-opened in error. I have now rectified this.
>
>Please de-register Fred from the course as soon as possible.
>
>I apologise for any inconvenience this will cause.

Reply (CCd to course convenor AND student)

Dear
Thanks for your e-mail. Fortunately, this is the only case I've encountered where I've registered a directee for an apparently open course one week and been told the following week that the course has been closed to enrollments all this time. I'm really glad this kind of case seems to be unusual, because otherwise the job of advising and registering my directees might become practically impossible.
I'll remove Fred* from both Politics courses posthaste - although what courses I'm going to sign him up for at this stage of the term are maybe less clear to me.
Al best wishes,

Dr X

My reply (after having calmed down and redrafted it 3 times)

Dear X

I am unsure how enrolments were open again as I had to close them off on day 3 of Freshers' Week due to the course being over-subscribed.

I again apologise for any inconvenience this will cause to you but I must also say that I think it was entirely inappropriate for you to have copied your tutee into the reply below.

May I suggest you take a look at the Netiquette guidelines published on the Information Services website? These are some simple points which are designed to help you communicate effectively using computers, and avoid misunderstandings and bad feelings.

Reply

Dear ,
Thank you for your e-mail. I would be more inclined to accept your apology for the inconvenience caused to my directee (and myself) had you adopted a rather different close to your last message. Pardon me but I'm not yet entirely convinced I need any pointers on effective communication via e-mail or the etiquette thereof.
Effective management of the database is another strategy which can greatly reduce the risk of generating of bad feeling.
All best,

Dr X

And then....

Dear ,
Just as a pendant to my last, I would have you note that I gave my e-mail reply only the circulation that you gave to your original message. Consequently, I really do not believe that I have done anything inappropriate.
All best,
Dr X

The reply I want to send....

Dear Dr X

You, sir, are a f*cking arsehole.


Sigh. The first rule of the guidelines I sent this arrogant piece of crap?

1. There are People on the Other Side of Your Screen

It's very easy to see yourself talking to a computer when you're typing a message. Computers are unemotional, unthinking machines, and you can't upset them. But you aren't talking to computers: you are communicating with people!

If you send a message to an open system such as a mailing list or Usenet, people anywhere in the world may read what you type. Keep this in mind. People can and do get upset at certain things. Make the content and the tone of your messages appropriate to the people who you can reasonably expect to read them.

Should I forward that to him? I would if I thought it was worth it!!!

Something's Gotta Change

Anger - a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.

Belligerence - a warlike or aggressively hostile nature, condition, or attitude.

When something makes you feel like that it's time for a change isn't it?

Or a new pair of shoes! It's always better to stamp one's feet in fabulous heels. Especially these beauties, they say "I am serious and professional so you had better listen to what I say."

Sigh.

Happy Birthday to Shoe!!

500 years of fabulousness apparently.

And I found this. Must try it!

Not Long To Go Now!

So, I'm still surviving the festival season in Edinburgh. Haven't punched anybody yet but I've been sorely, sorely tempted. I've even deigned to go and see a few shows, though most of them in the first weekend when everything is cheap. I still think they should have a cheap couple of days at the end of the festival, at least if you can produce your council tax bill!

The best thing I've seen this year was Fuertabruza in the big black tent at Ocean Terminal. I can't even describe what this show was, except for a sensory feast. Unfortunately Kirsi and I arrived late for the performance so we had to traverse the dark blackness ourselves, which was quite scary. We eventually found ourselves in the centre of the tent, standing with the rest of the audience, gazing up at what looked like a large tin tea tray with a man suspended on one side and a lady on the other. The tray thing was spinning around and the couple were... for lack of a better word - performing on either side. There was loud techno music and lighting effects as well. I'm sure it sounds godawful but it was one of the most mesmerising spectacles I've ever seen. The rest of the show was much of the same confusing spectacles for spectacle sake but I thoroughly enjoyed all of it.

Naomi and I went to see Richard Herring doing his show (see above) and I laughed my ass off. It's all about how he's reached 40 and is questioning how much longer he can get away with not growing up. A question I know I ask myself and I'm hoping the answer is a whole heck of a lot longer! He's got a blog that I keep meaning to check out but I haven't got around to it. Forking Facebook! Hey Nat, maybe you should check his blog out now that you need to find alternative things to keep you busy at work? He's very funny.

Shakespeare for Breakfast was up to its usual silly standard. The premise this year was a bunch of Shakespearean characters on a plane which has crashed on a desert island... Puck decides to cause mayhem amongst MacBeth, King Lear, Cleopatra (coming at ya!), Hamlet and the nurse from Romeo and Juliet. Hi jinks do ensue with Lear sporting a pair of donkey ears and Hamlet wandering around being indecisive (there's a surprise!). And there was, as always, the free coffee and croissant as a reward for dragging your ass to see Shakespeare (no matter how silly) at 10 o'clock in the morning.

Apart from that I've seen one film in the Film Festival, a proper festival experience at that. A low-budget Scottish effort called My Life As A Bus Stop. It's based in Edinburgh and is about several characters who are trying to make it in the movie business. A producer who has no script, a director who has no money and a couple of actors who have no talent. I did enjoy this movie but I think I would have been more enthusiastic if it had been based anywhere except Edinburgh. The horrible people seemed even more horrible because there was the slight possibility that if they were real you might run into them somewhere. Edinburgh is a very small place! Apart from that I am glad to have given my hard earned cash to support Scottish film makers. If I'd taken a chance on something else and had the same reaction I may have grudged the ticket money more. That's the trouble with the festivals - you are not guaranteed value for money. Sigh.

However, I have tickets to see Ratatouille on Saturday and Stardust on Sunday and I think it's a safe bet that I will enjoy both of those. Manolo the Shoeblogger gave enthusiastic praise for Ratatouille when he saw it and Stardust has Robert DeNiro as a flying pirate. Oh hells yeah! I'm sold right there :o)

Still Here... Just!

Sorry for not posting for so long, flipping Facebook is taking all my time now. Must... Log... Off...

Well, the Festival is in full swing in Edinburgh and we all know what that's like - Aaaaaaaaaaaargh! Get out of my city!! I almost punched someone this morning. 4 people walking abreast on the pavement... down Nicolson Street. In fact at the bus stop outside Superdrug. There's a freaking bus stop there you selfish fannies!!! You could go two by two and still keep group cohesion you know!

Sheesh.

What The Hell Is Going On?

http://iamfashion.blogspot.com/2007/07/too-short.html

Since being in Milan and seeing it for myself I am now more interested in what folks are saying of the World of Fashion. I've always thought I had quite good taste in clothes, though perhaps not the budget or inclination to be truly chic. A girl can dream though. One day I'll have a Chanel suit, one day...

I am heartened to see Prada getting a slating from other quarters, it backs up my opinion that at the moment it's all minging! Skinny men in micro shorts? Noooooooooo!

The shoes shown are an example. Horrible! And retailing at $338. What the...?

Eeeeeeeuuurgh!

The Devil Wears Prada?

Well, if he/she does then they have very bad taste!

Yes, I'm just back from a weekend in Milano and I must to register my aversion to what I saw gracing the windows of the Prada shops. It was hideous mes amis! Some horrible cheap looking plastic effect shoes and bags of this type. Here are the ladies version as well. Oh my goodness, aren't they awful? And the worst part? The black/grey version you see there is just about bearable. In the shops they had black/red/yellow that made me want to howl... or hurl. I'm not sure which!

Oh God! And there was something godawful going on with knee high ribbed socks with the toes cut out. I wish I had taken a picture for you will not believe me! I'm not sure if that was just so they could get the socks on the mannequins (unlikely) or if they are trying to bring in a trend for toeless socks. It was awful anyway! As my friend Ziggy came back from Venice with a photo of 'fashion' dummies similarly bedecked in wrinkly knee-highs I fear we may have a winter of disconent approaching. Well, I'll be wanting to slap anyone over the age of 12 that I see wearing ribbed knee-highs anyway. *whimper*

Life Begins At 30?

Well, the birthday weekend was superfantastic fun! We did watch Peter's Friends on Friday night, after a huge dinner of steak pie and mash, and I still like it. Barney hated it though, which was surprising. He's a funny bugger sometimes though so I didn't pay much attention. I think it was the 'luvviness' of the whole thing that got on his nerves, but I do adore the Emma Thompson character. How can you not love someone with a cat called Michael?? Never mind, the rest of us enjoyed ourselves watching it again.

On the Saturday I woke late and thought I'd be the last person to emerge... I was wrong! When I got up there was nobody stirring except for me. I was joined by Jasper the Cat (above) when I let him in from the rain and was most surprised when he didn't immediately start yowling for food. He's a proper cat though, he'd been out eating mice and things so he was more concerned about his tail being wet than getting a mouthful of Meow Mix or the like. After towelling him down he settled to sleep on the breakfast bar and purred and purred and purred. Wow! What a moggy!

Once the others had emerged and we'd scoffed the fresh duck eggs Chris had left out for us we took a wander into Crail and went to the pottery. Lots of lovely, lovely things to browse there. After that we went to St Andrews to get the finishing touches for the dinner. Dinner consisted of a lovely fish pie made by Cat and cranachan for pudding. Yumsle! Oh, and lots and lots of wiiiiiiiiiiiine. Hooray! There was general hilarity and the like until at around 1am Chris bunged on some Puccinni for me and we had a bit of a sing along.

Needless to say I had a bit of a head on me on Sunday. Uuuurgh. Hangover not fun! So much fun acquiring it though I didn't mind too much. Sunday was spent very gently recuperating and watching The Student Prince as I've never seen it before. A bit of silly old nonsense really but the music is lovely and Mario Lanza has one of those voices that just makes you go 'wibble'. After a late lunch and a cup of tea Jonny and I piled into Barney's car for the trip back to Auld Reekie. We only had to stop once to let me out for a breath of air and then again in Dunfermline for Barney to use the facilities. Not much but when you're hungover and want your pyjamas you really do wish they'd hurry up and invent transporter technology!

The Big Day

Happy birthday to meeee!

Happy birthday to meeee!

A very merry birthday to meeee!

Yep, the big birthday weekend is finally upon me. I'm off to sunny (??) Fife this evening for a weekend of food and drink and fun with friends. Chris has kindly agreed to host the kinder at his Crail cottage this weekend (don'tcha just love alliteration?) so hopefully we'll all have a jolly good time. It's not going to turn into Peter's Friends.... honest! How old were they all supposed to be anyway? Older than us surely? Cat and I were trying to work that out the other day. We have a sneaking suspicion the characters seemed so much older because that film came out when we were at school and our adulthood seemed so very far away... I'm sure it's still not got all of it's luggage in the door anyway. I still love scuffing through leaves and blowing bubbles in my lemonade. I don't think that's ever going to go away ;o)

Even though the big day is not yet upon me I haven't done too badly for gifts so far. My lovely, lovely colleague Susan gave me a bottle of champagne (which I shall have to remember to pack this evening) and lovely, lovely gorgeous, beautiful Nat sent me shoes. Oh joy! I'm telling you, receiving flowers at work is lovely - it's happened to me once and it was a most wonderful surprise but receiving surprise shoes at work is even better! My delight even infected the delivery man and cheered him right up.

The shoe joy continued further in the day. I was going to go for drinks with some of my colleagues but we were all too lame/tired/busy/out of the country to get our act together and actually go out. Instead I decided to take myself down to town for a little late night shopping. Naomi had informed me there was a sale on at Nine West and I decided to go and check it out. I almost didn't but I'm so glad I did because I found the Shoes That Got Away in the sale for £5. Five freakin' pounds sterling! Oh my goodness, how happy I am! I was so happy to spot them sitting very quietly on the shelf, out of the way, just waiting for me to scoop them up and take them home. I will admit to giving them the tiniest of surreptitious little hugs when I picked them up. You can't blame me, I have been longing for them for nigh on twelve months now!

See, sometimes dreams can come true.... and for the bargainlicious price of £5!!

The Fat Lady Was Singing All Right!

I went to see Scottish Opera's production of Madame Butterfly last night, which is great because I'd been wanting to see it ever since I found out it was on (way back in January). I had thought of trying to get a group together to go for my birthday but the logistics of arranging the tickets and getting a night to suit folk was too much for me to contemplate so I didn't bother. As luck would have it I received an email offer from those lovely people at 5pm.co.uk for stall seats at £10. Bargainous!

The seats we ended up with were pretty dang good as well, M 11 and 12. The supertitles on the near side were slightly obscured by the rails on the box but, as I don't need specs, I was fine. Kirsty was a little less fortunate because she forgot her spectacles but she's seen it before so wasn't too bothered. The lyrics are mostly mince anyway! As long as you get the gist of the plot you're fine.

So, the plot...

Madamemoiselle Butterfly is a noble hard on her luck who has had to turn to being a geisha to support herself. This could be true, it might not be - she sings about how everyone in Japan is from noble birth and she knows what it was like to be rich. I think she probably did because she's such an idiot really. Sorry to be blunt but she is. Anyway, she 'marries' this American guy - Pinkerton. He's under the impression it's a nice little arrangement with a geisha but she's looking at it as actual matrimony. She's only supposed to be but 15 years old you see. Heh, the lady singing the part was one of these large sopranos so when she sang that you kind of thought "15 what??? 15 stone?"

Anyway, despite the sniggering from the audience, she goes on to sing about how she's giving up her ancestors and becoming a Christian for her lovely American. So naturally, all her relations disown her. Bummer, but she's in love so she doesn't care. So her and this Pinkerton chap set up home after a lot of singing about moonlight and love and so on and so forth.

Cut to three years later. She's waiting for Pinkerton to come back... and there's a three year old toddler tottering about the place. The neighbourhood is rife with rumours that she's a big slut and nobody but her believes Pinkerton is coming back. The 'marriage broker' keeps trying to set her up with other men but she refuses them all. She sings the lovely aria about what it will be like the day he does come back and how she'll hide from him and when he finds her they'll be so happy. The audience are sitting there going 'Yeah right' and remembering the hara-kire dagger that she made a fuss of in Act 1...

So Pinkerton does turn up back in Nagasaki, with his new wife in tow. Dun dun daaaah! He didn't know she had his son but when he finds out it is decided that he and his new wife will take the child. The snivelling coward doesn't even want to speak to Butterfly and runs from the house leaving the new wife to speak to her about the baby. Butterfly realises what's going on, kisses her son goodbye, blindfolds him and then cuts her throat with the dagger. Pinkerton finds her lying in a pool of her own blood and that's the end. Not a terribly jolly story.

The opera itself is superb though. I didn't enjoy it as much as La Boheme and I didn't cry as much as at Turandot but I did have the urge to climb up on the stage and punch Pinkerton's lights out. I'm very surprised that the consul friend in the script was so tolerant of his terrible behaviour, especially seeing as it is made clear that he has a soft spot for Butterfly himself. The chap who played Pinkerton did get booed when he took his curtain call but he hammed up the villain pose for it so I don't think he minded all that much.

That Puccini's a geeeeniouuwse man!

Life Is A Cabaret Old Chum?

I went to the strangest thing last night, this cabaret that was part of the Leith festival. Now, I'm not entirely sure what cabaret involves but I've seen the film and it wasn't quite like what we saw! Admittedly they started with a burlesque stripper, but she wasn't very good. Give the girl her due though, she did get up in front of a room full of people and strip to "In the Navy" by the Village People. That's gonna take some balls surely - though not literally thank goodness!

Then there was a couple of African dudes that came on. One did a couple of poems but he lost me on the second one, my mind wandered and suddenly I had no idea what he was on about. Poetry's not really my bag baby and I get on with it even less when it's being spoken. I don't know why, I just do. Anyway, then they played "Music of the Ancestors" on some plinky-plonky instrument that looked like it was made out of a gourd. Um, very nice but it's not exactly the Weimar Republic is it?

After those fellows they brought out a Bavarian lady with an accordion. She taught us how Bavarians drink and sang a song about a pig. I think it was something to do with cutting up the pig. A song about making sausages perhaps? Eurovision hopefuls take note! Then she sang a song about a guy who tried to climb up a ladder into his sweetheart's bedroom but his rival knocked the ladder over and he drowned in the cess pool. Charming! She finished off by bringing out a buxom Bavarian maiden to teach us the drinking song that involves rocking back and forth and side to side. I suspect the Bavarians do this in order to get even more drunk even more quickly but I'm not going to knock them for that! I'm sure the songs sound a lot better through the ol' beer ears for a start.

After the fun of Bavarian drinking they calmed us all down again with a chap who does... I don't know what you'd call it. He played with balls I guess. Right, you've seen Labyrinth? Ok, pull your attention away from memories of David Bowie in those leggings... That's it, move your gaze upwards... He's the troll king and he's sort of juggling bubbles. See it? Clear glass globes that he's rolling around and running over his hands. Ok, the guy in the Leith cabaret did this as well, only he wasn't David Bowie in tight tights and he did drop them a couple of times. Give him his due though, he picked them back up, made a joke of it and carried on. The show must go on!

Just when I wasn't sure how much more I could take they brought out some Annie DeFranco/KT Tunstall wannabe with a guitar who sang about how rubbish it was to work for Standard Life. Bless her, no that's not what you went to university for. We went to university in order to avoid getting a proper job for a few more years, drink ourselves silly and hopefully get laid. However, when you come out the other end and realise everyone and their bloody dog has a degree you curse Maggie Thatcher (because that's what you've been doing your whole life so why stop now?), get a job and continue trying to get laid. Whiny guitar songs that use typewriters as percussion don't usually factor into it. And while I'm on the subject, the typewriter was completely out of place for that song because it was obsolete by the time I got to uni and I must have been a good 5 years older than that girl. I guess a laptop wouldn't give the same timbre though. God grief, I'm getting very bitter and cynical in my old age! Ah well.

By this point we weighed up the pros of staying and seeing what else they could wheel out against the cons of missing the last bus and being stuck in Leith. We were so near the docks you could smell the brine in the air - it smelled a bit like poo actually. The older and wiser side of us won the argument and we legged it during the interval. I guess life might be more like a cabaret than I realised - you expect it to be full of excitement and sex and really wild things and it turns out to be a Bavarian lady singing about a pig!!

WTF?

So, I get a lot of junk mail sent to my work account. The spam filters are rubbish so I'm always getting emails telling me I've won the Eurolottery or that somebody needs help to get $17 million out of the Ivory Coast or something. I generally just delete them straight away.

This morning I think I was spammed in the name of art. I got an email entitled Banksy: Manifesto which I almost deleted straight away. The fact that I recognised the name Banksy made me pause for a moment and wonder if that email was just straightforward spam? I could see in the reading pane that there was a link at the bottom so I Googled "Banksy Manifesto" and came up with several sites, the main one being this one:

http://www.banksy.co.uk/manifesto/index.html

Now, it would seem Mr Banksy is trying to make a point about... um something I guess. I'm not immediately sure what that is though. Call me a thicky philistine but I sometimes need pointers in my art appreciation. There was no information on the website about the point he's trying to make or why I got an email directing me to the site, and that's just annoying in my book.

What's even more flipping annoying is I just had a look at the rest of the site and I really, really like what I saw. Dang it! The drawing above, for example, just makes me chuckle and the Statue of Liberty one at the end is hilarious.

Well, he made me think anyway and must be applauded for that. However, if anyone can shed light on the email that started the whole thing I'd be most grateful!

Has It Been So Long?

Gosh! I haven't updated for a wee bit. Sorry fans!

So, long weekend. What did I do? Uuuum. I stayed in on the Friday evening cos the weather in Edinburgh was utterly crazy. At home time it was practically blowing a hurricane so I got stuck in the office until either the wind or the rain died down. It was nearly 7pm before the rain stopped but I found the wind so utterly freezing on the way home I thought "Leave the flat again? Fork that!!" I decided to lay low on Saturday as well, but by accident. I started watching 'House of Eliott' over breakfast and was so hooked after the first episode I sat on my ass all day and watched the whole first series. D'oh!! Oh, I had fun though. I was supposed to meet up with a couple of pals for a girly movie night but they were both in their jammies by 7pm too so the evening was cancelled. Oh dearie me, are we getting old? Noooo! We just like our pyjamas, there's nothing wrong with that - especially when the weather is pish. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

On the Sunday I got out of the house... and into a dark room. Jo and I went to check out 'Zodiac' at the cinema and I have to say I was impressed. It's a very long film (158 minutes) but you don't get a numb bum because it consistently holds your interest and keeps the plot moving along. Robert Downey Jr just keeps getting better with age too. Oy, he's a yummy man. In fact, I think we should have a picture of him.... Heh heh, if only the camera had panned to the right a little...

On Monday I started trying to spring clean. Oh God, it's going to take me until next spring to finish. This is why I've been putting it off. *whimper*

Then I'm outta here!! Loooooooooooooooooong weekend ahoy. I'll try and have lots of fun to write about.

Laters!

Fantasy Fairytale Shoes

Cinderella shall go to the ball!

These are the Shoes of the Day today and I love them!



They are by Stuart Weitzman and the style is called "Moonglo"

You'll be happy to know that they have perforations down the side so Cinders hopefully wouldn't sweat too much in them. Little farty sounds coming out of her shoes as she was whisked around the ballroom would be bound to put Prince Charming off!

I already have my Dorothy Ruby Slippers but I'm now coveting these. I really like the idea of a whole collection of Fairytale Princess shoes but I would have to get the frocks to go with them. Dorothy's gingham number wouldn't be too hard to replicate now that I've done my dressmaking course but a ballgown fit for Cinderella may be a little more tricky. One can dream a little dream though...

They're Swarofski crystals on the front by the way, not diamonds, but these bad boys still retail for $325. This is a little out of my price range unfortunately. See, some scoffed at the frivolity of the ruby slippers at the time but they only set me back 20 quid. When you put it in perspective they are bargainlicious baby! Plus, I still totally maintain that you are never too old to have a dressing up box!

I Didn't Expect the Spanish Inquisition...

This weekend I watched a few fillums. On Saturday evening I found myself in no mood to leave the house, and happily had absolutely no reason to do so - apart from hunting and gathering and that's why modern man invented Tesco. Once fully stocked with supplies I settled in to indulge myself in a bit of musical mayhem in the form of New York, New York with Robert DeNiro and Liza Minelli.

Ok, so I admit it was naive of me to expect simply a glorious MGM spectacular like my favourites of bygone days. You know the ones I mean - Singin' In The Rain, Guys and Dolls, Funny Face, etc. I mean I should have suspected something was up because Bob DeNiro is in it for goodness sake! I think I was telling myself it could be like Marlon Brando in Guys and Dolls though, an unexpected delight. Nuh uh! Martin Scorsese directed the thing and that alone should have told me that I wasn't going to get what I was hoping for.

Saying that though, the film is superb. It's shot like one of those fantastical old musical extravaganzas but the subject matter and characters belong more to the 'real world'. Bob's character is an asshole and poor old Liza puts up with it for as long as she can. By the time you get near to the end of the movie and Liza belts out the eponymous title song it really is an anthem of survival and success. It's one of those kick in the balls moments that just has you cheering at your telly. I think Liza's version is, for me, now the definitive version. Sure, ol' Blue Eyes did it well but he wasn't married to Bob DeNiro!

On Sunday morning I dragged my ass out to check out the latest in the Spiderman franchise. That'd be Spidey 3 for anyone not paying attention. I found this film to be... "fnyah" I guess would sum it up. The special effects are good, Tobey MacGuire camping it up for evil Peter Parker is hilarious and it's always wonderful to see Bruce Campbell on screen but apart from that it really didn't leave much of an impression on me. The two villain storyline makes it seem like they're trying to cram 2 movies worth of plot into one and I'm afraid I had a horrible attack of cynicism at the end. All in all, ever so slightly disappointing. I hope Pirates of the Carribbean is more exciting.

I'd gone to see one of the morning screenings of Spiderman so there was still plenty of time for a second movie when I came out. Gosh, I adore my Cineworld card! I couldn't bring myself to go see the movie with Kevin Costner cosying up to some single mother with 4 daughters (Bleeeurgh! I almost vomited reading the plot synopsis) so I decided to take a chance on Goya's Ghosts. I was apprehensive because Natalie Portman annoys me intensely. It's probably not the poor lassie's fault but episodes 1 to 3 of Star Wars and V for Vendetta all just made me quite angry. Oh man, as did Garden State - Stop whining JD, for Bob's sake!!

Anyway, never mind the rant - what about the film? I found this one odd, and interesting. I'm afraid I knew very little of Goya and Spanish history before I went into the movie so to find it set against the background of the late Inquisition was intriguing. Evidently the people of Madrid did not really expect the Spanish Inquisition anymore either as Natalie's character gets picked up and accused of being Jewish because she turns her nose up at roast pig in a tavern. Hideously enough I can well believe this sort of thing went on so the events that follow for her are even more shocking. As the BBC reviewer put it, this film is more about the history of Spain at the time than Goya and he is more like the ghost, observing events as they unfold.

I'm afraid to say I did spend most of the movie going "Hey, is that Robert Downey Jr?" and squinting at the guy who plays Father Lorenzo - Bardem Javier. Obviously he's not Robert Downey Jr but he's pretty dang close - and have a lovely Spanish accent as well so has the edge there methinks. I'm very excited to note that he will be featuring in a film version of Love in the Time of Cholera so I will have to keep an eye out for that. It is much better than 100 Years of Solitude, though a movie version of that would make the whole thing easier to follow - unless all the actors looked remarkably similar. Which they probably would, it being the story of a family. Aw man, they'd all have to wear different hats or something. This is probably why they are not making a movie out of that book.

There were 4 geeky looking dudes sitting in the row in front of me and I have a sneaking suspicion they were just there to see if they could get a swatch at Natalie Portman's tits. Natalie was naked in this movie, but she was covered in filth, sh*t scared and going insane in an Inquisition cell at the time so I certainly hope the little creeps didn't get their money's worth!

Tell It To Kenny Baker!

.... and really not very happy about it!

I'm Loving This Web Site!

http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/

Female clerk: When I get that drunk I always end up stealing something or get something stolen from me.
Male clerk: Maybe you shouldn't get so drunk.
Female clerk: I wouldn't, but I can't afford good coke with this shit job.

Oslo
Norway

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! It's linked to the Overheard in New York site. Oh, it just makes me laugh so much!

Holiday Blog Updated, Almost....

I've been updating the Holiday Blog with my amazing adventures in Bahrain.

http://holidayblog-marj.blogspot.com/

You'll have to scroll down to the bottom to start at day one but I've almost finished. I just have to recount the horror of the return journey... but it's pub time just now so I'm off to get myself a gin and cranberry. Huzzah!

The picture here is of some modern art that was outside the Bahrain National Museum. I think my intellectual contribution to a critical examination of the piece was "Heh heh, he's got a willy!"

Noice!

I spotted this outside the cinema last night. Very nice indeed!

Shoes Of The Day

Well, after my holiday I got caught up on work things pretty speedily but catching up on my tinterweb passions has been a bit more furtive. I speeded through Manolo's Shoe Blog but hopefully I'll be able to go back and peruse what I've missed next week. He does post a lost of interesting miscellany (read 'shite'). One of the things I spotted on there was shoes made of chocolate. Now, if it were shoes made of crisps my waistline would be in much bigger trouble!

The Shoes Of The Day were easier to catch up on, though I skipped the little comments the blogger puts under each one. These beauties made my heart flutter though. Aren't they gorgeous?

Here's what was said about them:

Green Shoes from Jessica Simpson

In the shoe dictionary under the word "fun," you will definitely find a picture of this shoe.

With its 4.5" heel, fabric upper, and peep-toe covered in bow, the Pegeen in bright green is just wonderful.

Equally fabulous in scarlet, you might want to check that same shoe dictionary to see if this shoe isn't also listed under the word "flirty."

As Manolo would say "Super fantastic!"

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig.

I'm back in one piece from my jaunt to Bahrain and it's raining in Edinburgh. Ah home, what else could one expect really? Well, in April in Scotland you can probably expect rain, snow, sleet, sun, wind, clouds... pretty much anything except hurricanes and dust storms and I wouldn't necessarily rule them out.

I did type up a couple of blog entries while in Bahrain but didn't get around to posting them. Once I've got a few photos downloaded and Nat's emailed me the entries from her laptop I'll get the holiday blog updated. A potted version of events is that I made it through the hideous day of travel to get there, developed a stinking cold, shopped and then came home again. The travelling on the way back was much, much worse. I was so sleep deprived by that point the only thing I could cope with on the in-flight entertainment was Disney movies. Anyhoo, I'll tell you all about that on the holiday blog. An announcement will be posted when it's updated.

For now it's back to life, back to reality. Sigh. At least I didn't leave a mahooosive pile of washing up to welcome me home!

Set The Seasons By My Shoes

Well it's official - spring has most definitely sprung. I've downgraded to a light jacket, though it can still be a bit chilly in the shade, and my gorgeous emerald green espadrilles have had their first outing this year. They've been sitting looking forlorn by my wardrobe since last Autumn but the sun was shining today and my matching green striped shirt was clean so I thought "Why not?" I bought that shirt in the January sales and even then I considered the fact that it would go with these shoes. Mmmm, I love these shoes! Golan by Nine West if you're really curious (though a deeper green than the ones shown).

http://www.lookonline.com/2005/04/heights-of-golan-golan-nine-west.html

God bless Lady Nat Nat for persuading me to buy them last summer. I just adores them so I do! My only regret is not snapping up the orange ones in the sale when I had the chance. I just thought I'd never wear anything orange or have anything to go with them. I've since learnt that it's entirely possible, and even fun, to build an outfit from the shoes up. Some of the chaps at the wedding on Monday mocked me for this but they just didn't understand... and they never will so poo to them!

Anyhoo, I'm afraid I'll probably have to try and find room in my suitcase for these next week. Is 2 pairs of espadrilles too much to take on holiday? Oh trauma!

Anyway, I'm off work for a whole 2 weeks from today. The office is shut Good Friday and then I'm officially on my annual leave. I fly out to Bahrain on Tuesday and am there for a whole week. Shopping and sunbathing and Grand Prix, oh my! Can you call it sunbathing when you're wearing factor 50 or is that more just lounging about? Whatever, I plan to do a lot of it.

I'll try and update while I'm away but I think Nat's laptop died so I might not have internet access.

Try not to miss me too much ;o)

Smell ya later xxx

Ding Dong The Bells Are Going To Chime

This weekend was the weekend of the Kelly and Andy wedding. Behold the picture of the happy couple on their happy day. I think this should be their official portrait but Andy's mum at least would probably have something to say about that.

On Friday evening a bunch of the girls went out for Kelly's last hurrah - her hen party. Well, it won't be her last hurrah because I doubt marriage is going to change her life much but it was the perfect excuse for drinking and dancing and Mexican food, oh my! We started in Pancho Villas where Lauraah managed to pour half a jug of Margherita on the table because it'd been left to sit and had congealed into one big lump of ice. I knew tequila was a bad idea, especially seeing as most of it dribbled off the table and onto my feets. Yeuch! I also managed to get terrible brain freeze from the frozen cocktails so all in all that's probably me off the tequila again for another 10 years. Apart from that the meal was very tasty though and very, very good value.

After an extortionately priced cocktail in the Scotsman bar on North Bridge Kirsty, Kelly and I toddled down to the Citrus Club to see if it was still the same as it ever was and do you know what? Apart from not being able to smoke in there it was just the same. Hoorah! There are not many constants in this world but the cheesiness of the Citrus Club seems to be one of them. The only difference I could discern was that the ladies loos had been done up and that's all to the good because they were minging before. There were still the random drunk punters whose idea of a chat up line is fondling your bum (When has that ever worked??) and strange joggy man turned up later on as well. The club wasn't quite busy enough for the DJ to risk a Clash/Jam set but he more than made up for that with an abundance of cheesy disco tunes and old school techno. S Express-licious baby!

I really hadn't been in the mood for a big night out and had been wondering about the possibility of bailing after the meal. I'm glad I dragged my tired ol' ass down to the Citrus though because it was such fun. I stopped drinking when we got there so I was stone cold sober and it really was amusing observing the crowd and all the drunken things that went on. Slightly less amusing to realise how much spilt beer your trousers have absorbed but that's all part of the experience I guess. Despite the lack of alcohol in my blood we were still there to the bitter end, dancing almost non stop, so I was an utter wreck on Saturday I'm afraid. Naomi dragged me to a house party on Saturday evening but I was so wiped out I just couldn't handle it and ended up back on the couch watching chick flicks. Good Lord, remember when you could go out Friday and Saturday evening and not bat an eyelid? Them's were the days.

On Sunday I had a mad dash around Princes Street trying to finish off the outfit that I was building on the shoes I got in Guildford. Remember them? See Monday 26th February 2007 for the picture. Flipping Marks and Spencer have got all their summer stock in and nary a flipping white v-neck jumper to be had. Most places seemed to be the same but luckily for me BHS was still trying to shift some stock to make room for the summer stuff and I managed to pick up a white jersey. It had to be a jersey because I needed the warmth my linen jacket would not provide... dang I looked good though!

The wedding was on Monday afternoon in Leith Registry Office and the reception was in the Smoke Stack on the Shore. We had a lovely meal and I actually chose the mussels for a starter (in a tomato and chilli sauce, it was quite yummy. Maybe I'll grow to like seafood after all?) and monkfish for the main. Yummy yum yumsle. We'd started with the fizzy wine when the bride was getting ready at lunch time so, having missed the after dinner coffee for some reason, I was falling asleep by about 8:30pm. A diet Coke or two perked me up and I ended up out with the other die-hards until 1:30am. Zoinks! I've been suffering for it today I can tell you - so tired, so very tired. I'm looking forward to crawling home, parking it in front of the telly and not moving until bed time. I've a zillion things to do before going on holiday next week but I need time to recover dammit!

Uuurgh!

Oh! Em! Gee!

Would it be a terrible blow to my carbon footprint if I flew across the Atlantic just to slap somebody for very, very annoying punctuation?

Now, I admit that I am guilty of over using the exclamation mark these days. I remember the days when exclamation marks were hardly used but with email and texts they seem to be all over the place. They do have their use as tone in these media is hard to get across (I'm sure we've all had misunderstandings of this nature more than once) but some people are getting ridiculous. *

*See how I resisted the urge to use an exclamation mark there for example. Sheesh.

Ok, here's the body of the offending email:

Hey there!
I am writing with an enquiry! I have a group of about 20 University students coming to Edinburgh from May 14-May 27, 2007, as a part of a short-term study abroad program where they will receive credit for Political Science. It is led by University professors, but I was
curious as to whether you ever do lectures or any type of workshops?
If so, great! If not, would you mind guiding me in that direction?
Thank you so much!

Despite the extreme irritation this over use of exclamation caused me I sent a civil and grammatically correct reply to this individual. (Incidentally I've removed anything that could identify the origin of this email and while doing so noticed some bad grammar. What do they teach people these days?)

Guess what the reply was?

"Thank you for your guidance!"

I will allow myself an appropriate exclamation mark here - Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

The Flowers That Bloom In The Spring.. Tra La...

This weekend was the annual get together with some of the girls from school. We went to stay in a gorgeous Victorian house near Kelso for a long weekend (see picture - Lochside Stable House). I was full of trepidation about the weekend (being the only single one still remaining and chronically so) but my fears were unfounded, they're still a lovely bunch, and so are their husbands... And child... And dog. In fact, on the first evening I ended up in what would probably be the traditionally male-dominated situation, drinking and smoking round the snooker table long after the other ladies had retired to bed. I like to think I'd have ended up in that situation even if I did have some male trailing along with me though ;o) Some may consider it sad but I choose to be proud of the fact that I have the stamina to cope with that and still surface at a reasonable hour for breakfast the next day - a good hour and a half before the last of the boys did!

The rest of the weekend was spent eating, drinking, relaxing and generally going "Oooh, daffodils. Lambs! Spring is here!" You can really see it out in the country and we had enough sun to make it feel like a proper break from the dreich city. I was going to join the others on a ramble after breakfast on Saturday morning but elected instead to take a second cup of tea out to the garden as the sun was so inviting. I did a lot of sitting and looking at the view this weekend, and caught a live cow sex show while I was at it. Not as exciting as it sounds I can assure you!

After all that peace and quiet I was really in the need of something exciting and violent and visually stunning (no really, I was!) so I toddled over to the cinema on Monday to see 300. First of all, can I just say it was a gorgeous spring day - the sun was shining, the birds were singing, I'd spent the afternoon on my ass in front of the telly and I was skipping past lots of mugs who'd been at work all day. Tra la la! Just try and keep the smile off my face. Secondly 300 is just about the forking coolest thing I've seen since Sin City - and I didn't feel like I'd been sat on when I came out. Bonus! Sin City was brilliant but a most unpleasant film to sit through - emotionally and physically draining. 300 looks the mutt's nuts (in a really, really good way) and you just come out going "OMG. That was SOOOOO cool."

I don't know much about cinematography or the graphic novel but I could guess which shots were taken directly from the original artwork and I loved that. (I loved that about Girl With A Pearl Earring as well, the visual attention to the source.) Oh, and I loved the "gratuitous butt in the moonlight shot" that they threw in there. Anyone who's seen National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon will know what I'm on about (and I suspect the director is one of them). It's probably only funny in my head but I loved it for making me chuckle. Some of the story and dialogue is a bit on the silly side but the thing just looks SO good that you can forgive them for it, and the over abundance of pectoral muscles, thighs and little leather knickers made up for any other shortcomings the film had in my book. And Gerard Butler? One word - Phwoooaaaaarrrrrrr! There's a slight Sean Canary-ness about his accent that just makes you go wibble. Mmmmm!