I Didn't Expect the Spanish Inquisition...

This weekend I watched a few fillums. On Saturday evening I found myself in no mood to leave the house, and happily had absolutely no reason to do so - apart from hunting and gathering and that's why modern man invented Tesco. Once fully stocked with supplies I settled in to indulge myself in a bit of musical mayhem in the form of New York, New York with Robert DeNiro and Liza Minelli.

Ok, so I admit it was naive of me to expect simply a glorious MGM spectacular like my favourites of bygone days. You know the ones I mean - Singin' In The Rain, Guys and Dolls, Funny Face, etc. I mean I should have suspected something was up because Bob DeNiro is in it for goodness sake! I think I was telling myself it could be like Marlon Brando in Guys and Dolls though, an unexpected delight. Nuh uh! Martin Scorsese directed the thing and that alone should have told me that I wasn't going to get what I was hoping for.

Saying that though, the film is superb. It's shot like one of those fantastical old musical extravaganzas but the subject matter and characters belong more to the 'real world'. Bob's character is an asshole and poor old Liza puts up with it for as long as she can. By the time you get near to the end of the movie and Liza belts out the eponymous title song it really is an anthem of survival and success. It's one of those kick in the balls moments that just has you cheering at your telly. I think Liza's version is, for me, now the definitive version. Sure, ol' Blue Eyes did it well but he wasn't married to Bob DeNiro!

On Sunday morning I dragged my ass out to check out the latest in the Spiderman franchise. That'd be Spidey 3 for anyone not paying attention. I found this film to be... "fnyah" I guess would sum it up. The special effects are good, Tobey MacGuire camping it up for evil Peter Parker is hilarious and it's always wonderful to see Bruce Campbell on screen but apart from that it really didn't leave much of an impression on me. The two villain storyline makes it seem like they're trying to cram 2 movies worth of plot into one and I'm afraid I had a horrible attack of cynicism at the end. All in all, ever so slightly disappointing. I hope Pirates of the Carribbean is more exciting.

I'd gone to see one of the morning screenings of Spiderman so there was still plenty of time for a second movie when I came out. Gosh, I adore my Cineworld card! I couldn't bring myself to go see the movie with Kevin Costner cosying up to some single mother with 4 daughters (Bleeeurgh! I almost vomited reading the plot synopsis) so I decided to take a chance on Goya's Ghosts. I was apprehensive because Natalie Portman annoys me intensely. It's probably not the poor lassie's fault but episodes 1 to 3 of Star Wars and V for Vendetta all just made me quite angry. Oh man, as did Garden State - Stop whining JD, for Bob's sake!!

Anyway, never mind the rant - what about the film? I found this one odd, and interesting. I'm afraid I knew very little of Goya and Spanish history before I went into the movie so to find it set against the background of the late Inquisition was intriguing. Evidently the people of Madrid did not really expect the Spanish Inquisition anymore either as Natalie's character gets picked up and accused of being Jewish because she turns her nose up at roast pig in a tavern. Hideously enough I can well believe this sort of thing went on so the events that follow for her are even more shocking. As the BBC reviewer put it, this film is more about the history of Spain at the time than Goya and he is more like the ghost, observing events as they unfold.

I'm afraid to say I did spend most of the movie going "Hey, is that Robert Downey Jr?" and squinting at the guy who plays Father Lorenzo - Bardem Javier. Obviously he's not Robert Downey Jr but he's pretty dang close - and have a lovely Spanish accent as well so has the edge there methinks. I'm very excited to note that he will be featuring in a film version of Love in the Time of Cholera so I will have to keep an eye out for that. It is much better than 100 Years of Solitude, though a movie version of that would make the whole thing easier to follow - unless all the actors looked remarkably similar. Which they probably would, it being the story of a family. Aw man, they'd all have to wear different hats or something. This is probably why they are not making a movie out of that book.

There were 4 geeky looking dudes sitting in the row in front of me and I have a sneaking suspicion they were just there to see if they could get a swatch at Natalie Portman's tits. Natalie was naked in this movie, but she was covered in filth, sh*t scared and going insane in an Inquisition cell at the time so I certainly hope the little creeps didn't get their money's worth!

Tell It To Kenny Baker!

.... and really not very happy about it!

I'm Loving This Web Site!

http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/

Female clerk: When I get that drunk I always end up stealing something or get something stolen from me.
Male clerk: Maybe you shouldn't get so drunk.
Female clerk: I wouldn't, but I can't afford good coke with this shit job.

Oslo
Norway

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! It's linked to the Overheard in New York site. Oh, it just makes me laugh so much!

Holiday Blog Updated, Almost....

I've been updating the Holiday Blog with my amazing adventures in Bahrain.

http://holidayblog-marj.blogspot.com/

You'll have to scroll down to the bottom to start at day one but I've almost finished. I just have to recount the horror of the return journey... but it's pub time just now so I'm off to get myself a gin and cranberry. Huzzah!

The picture here is of some modern art that was outside the Bahrain National Museum. I think my intellectual contribution to a critical examination of the piece was "Heh heh, he's got a willy!"

Noice!

I spotted this outside the cinema last night. Very nice indeed!

Shoes Of The Day

Well, after my holiday I got caught up on work things pretty speedily but catching up on my tinterweb passions has been a bit more furtive. I speeded through Manolo's Shoe Blog but hopefully I'll be able to go back and peruse what I've missed next week. He does post a lost of interesting miscellany (read 'shite'). One of the things I spotted on there was shoes made of chocolate. Now, if it were shoes made of crisps my waistline would be in much bigger trouble!

The Shoes Of The Day were easier to catch up on, though I skipped the little comments the blogger puts under each one. These beauties made my heart flutter though. Aren't they gorgeous?

Here's what was said about them:

Green Shoes from Jessica Simpson

In the shoe dictionary under the word "fun," you will definitely find a picture of this shoe.

With its 4.5" heel, fabric upper, and peep-toe covered in bow, the Pegeen in bright green is just wonderful.

Equally fabulous in scarlet, you might want to check that same shoe dictionary to see if this shoe isn't also listed under the word "flirty."

As Manolo would say "Super fantastic!"

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig.

I'm back in one piece from my jaunt to Bahrain and it's raining in Edinburgh. Ah home, what else could one expect really? Well, in April in Scotland you can probably expect rain, snow, sleet, sun, wind, clouds... pretty much anything except hurricanes and dust storms and I wouldn't necessarily rule them out.

I did type up a couple of blog entries while in Bahrain but didn't get around to posting them. Once I've got a few photos downloaded and Nat's emailed me the entries from her laptop I'll get the holiday blog updated. A potted version of events is that I made it through the hideous day of travel to get there, developed a stinking cold, shopped and then came home again. The travelling on the way back was much, much worse. I was so sleep deprived by that point the only thing I could cope with on the in-flight entertainment was Disney movies. Anyhoo, I'll tell you all about that on the holiday blog. An announcement will be posted when it's updated.

For now it's back to life, back to reality. Sigh. At least I didn't leave a mahooosive pile of washing up to welcome me home!

Set The Seasons By My Shoes

Well it's official - spring has most definitely sprung. I've downgraded to a light jacket, though it can still be a bit chilly in the shade, and my gorgeous emerald green espadrilles have had their first outing this year. They've been sitting looking forlorn by my wardrobe since last Autumn but the sun was shining today and my matching green striped shirt was clean so I thought "Why not?" I bought that shirt in the January sales and even then I considered the fact that it would go with these shoes. Mmmm, I love these shoes! Golan by Nine West if you're really curious (though a deeper green than the ones shown).

http://www.lookonline.com/2005/04/heights-of-golan-golan-nine-west.html

God bless Lady Nat Nat for persuading me to buy them last summer. I just adores them so I do! My only regret is not snapping up the orange ones in the sale when I had the chance. I just thought I'd never wear anything orange or have anything to go with them. I've since learnt that it's entirely possible, and even fun, to build an outfit from the shoes up. Some of the chaps at the wedding on Monday mocked me for this but they just didn't understand... and they never will so poo to them!

Anyhoo, I'm afraid I'll probably have to try and find room in my suitcase for these next week. Is 2 pairs of espadrilles too much to take on holiday? Oh trauma!

Anyway, I'm off work for a whole 2 weeks from today. The office is shut Good Friday and then I'm officially on my annual leave. I fly out to Bahrain on Tuesday and am there for a whole week. Shopping and sunbathing and Grand Prix, oh my! Can you call it sunbathing when you're wearing factor 50 or is that more just lounging about? Whatever, I plan to do a lot of it.

I'll try and update while I'm away but I think Nat's laptop died so I might not have internet access.

Try not to miss me too much ;o)

Smell ya later xxx

Ding Dong The Bells Are Going To Chime

This weekend was the weekend of the Kelly and Andy wedding. Behold the picture of the happy couple on their happy day. I think this should be their official portrait but Andy's mum at least would probably have something to say about that.

On Friday evening a bunch of the girls went out for Kelly's last hurrah - her hen party. Well, it won't be her last hurrah because I doubt marriage is going to change her life much but it was the perfect excuse for drinking and dancing and Mexican food, oh my! We started in Pancho Villas where Lauraah managed to pour half a jug of Margherita on the table because it'd been left to sit and had congealed into one big lump of ice. I knew tequila was a bad idea, especially seeing as most of it dribbled off the table and onto my feets. Yeuch! I also managed to get terrible brain freeze from the frozen cocktails so all in all that's probably me off the tequila again for another 10 years. Apart from that the meal was very tasty though and very, very good value.

After an extortionately priced cocktail in the Scotsman bar on North Bridge Kirsty, Kelly and I toddled down to the Citrus Club to see if it was still the same as it ever was and do you know what? Apart from not being able to smoke in there it was just the same. Hoorah! There are not many constants in this world but the cheesiness of the Citrus Club seems to be one of them. The only difference I could discern was that the ladies loos had been done up and that's all to the good because they were minging before. There were still the random drunk punters whose idea of a chat up line is fondling your bum (When has that ever worked??) and strange joggy man turned up later on as well. The club wasn't quite busy enough for the DJ to risk a Clash/Jam set but he more than made up for that with an abundance of cheesy disco tunes and old school techno. S Express-licious baby!

I really hadn't been in the mood for a big night out and had been wondering about the possibility of bailing after the meal. I'm glad I dragged my tired ol' ass down to the Citrus though because it was such fun. I stopped drinking when we got there so I was stone cold sober and it really was amusing observing the crowd and all the drunken things that went on. Slightly less amusing to realise how much spilt beer your trousers have absorbed but that's all part of the experience I guess. Despite the lack of alcohol in my blood we were still there to the bitter end, dancing almost non stop, so I was an utter wreck on Saturday I'm afraid. Naomi dragged me to a house party on Saturday evening but I was so wiped out I just couldn't handle it and ended up back on the couch watching chick flicks. Good Lord, remember when you could go out Friday and Saturday evening and not bat an eyelid? Them's were the days.

On Sunday I had a mad dash around Princes Street trying to finish off the outfit that I was building on the shoes I got in Guildford. Remember them? See Monday 26th February 2007 for the picture. Flipping Marks and Spencer have got all their summer stock in and nary a flipping white v-neck jumper to be had. Most places seemed to be the same but luckily for me BHS was still trying to shift some stock to make room for the summer stuff and I managed to pick up a white jersey. It had to be a jersey because I needed the warmth my linen jacket would not provide... dang I looked good though!

The wedding was on Monday afternoon in Leith Registry Office and the reception was in the Smoke Stack on the Shore. We had a lovely meal and I actually chose the mussels for a starter (in a tomato and chilli sauce, it was quite yummy. Maybe I'll grow to like seafood after all?) and monkfish for the main. Yummy yum yumsle. We'd started with the fizzy wine when the bride was getting ready at lunch time so, having missed the after dinner coffee for some reason, I was falling asleep by about 8:30pm. A diet Coke or two perked me up and I ended up out with the other die-hards until 1:30am. Zoinks! I've been suffering for it today I can tell you - so tired, so very tired. I'm looking forward to crawling home, parking it in front of the telly and not moving until bed time. I've a zillion things to do before going on holiday next week but I need time to recover dammit!

Uuurgh!

Oh! Em! Gee!

Would it be a terrible blow to my carbon footprint if I flew across the Atlantic just to slap somebody for very, very annoying punctuation?

Now, I admit that I am guilty of over using the exclamation mark these days. I remember the days when exclamation marks were hardly used but with email and texts they seem to be all over the place. They do have their use as tone in these media is hard to get across (I'm sure we've all had misunderstandings of this nature more than once) but some people are getting ridiculous. *

*See how I resisted the urge to use an exclamation mark there for example. Sheesh.

Ok, here's the body of the offending email:

Hey there!
I am writing with an enquiry! I have a group of about 20 University students coming to Edinburgh from May 14-May 27, 2007, as a part of a short-term study abroad program where they will receive credit for Political Science. It is led by University professors, but I was
curious as to whether you ever do lectures or any type of workshops?
If so, great! If not, would you mind guiding me in that direction?
Thank you so much!

Despite the extreme irritation this over use of exclamation caused me I sent a civil and grammatically correct reply to this individual. (Incidentally I've removed anything that could identify the origin of this email and while doing so noticed some bad grammar. What do they teach people these days?)

Guess what the reply was?

"Thank you for your guidance!"

I will allow myself an appropriate exclamation mark here - Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

The Flowers That Bloom In The Spring.. Tra La...

This weekend was the annual get together with some of the girls from school. We went to stay in a gorgeous Victorian house near Kelso for a long weekend (see picture - Lochside Stable House). I was full of trepidation about the weekend (being the only single one still remaining and chronically so) but my fears were unfounded, they're still a lovely bunch, and so are their husbands... And child... And dog. In fact, on the first evening I ended up in what would probably be the traditionally male-dominated situation, drinking and smoking round the snooker table long after the other ladies had retired to bed. I like to think I'd have ended up in that situation even if I did have some male trailing along with me though ;o) Some may consider it sad but I choose to be proud of the fact that I have the stamina to cope with that and still surface at a reasonable hour for breakfast the next day - a good hour and a half before the last of the boys did!

The rest of the weekend was spent eating, drinking, relaxing and generally going "Oooh, daffodils. Lambs! Spring is here!" You can really see it out in the country and we had enough sun to make it feel like a proper break from the dreich city. I was going to join the others on a ramble after breakfast on Saturday morning but elected instead to take a second cup of tea out to the garden as the sun was so inviting. I did a lot of sitting and looking at the view this weekend, and caught a live cow sex show while I was at it. Not as exciting as it sounds I can assure you!

After all that peace and quiet I was really in the need of something exciting and violent and visually stunning (no really, I was!) so I toddled over to the cinema on Monday to see 300. First of all, can I just say it was a gorgeous spring day - the sun was shining, the birds were singing, I'd spent the afternoon on my ass in front of the telly and I was skipping past lots of mugs who'd been at work all day. Tra la la! Just try and keep the smile off my face. Secondly 300 is just about the forking coolest thing I've seen since Sin City - and I didn't feel like I'd been sat on when I came out. Bonus! Sin City was brilliant but a most unpleasant film to sit through - emotionally and physically draining. 300 looks the mutt's nuts (in a really, really good way) and you just come out going "OMG. That was SOOOOO cool."

I don't know much about cinematography or the graphic novel but I could guess which shots were taken directly from the original artwork and I loved that. (I loved that about Girl With A Pearl Earring as well, the visual attention to the source.) Oh, and I loved the "gratuitous butt in the moonlight shot" that they threw in there. Anyone who's seen National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon will know what I'm on about (and I suspect the director is one of them). It's probably only funny in my head but I loved it for making me chuckle. Some of the story and dialogue is a bit on the silly side but the thing just looks SO good that you can forgive them for it, and the over abundance of pectoral muscles, thighs and little leather knickers made up for any other shortcomings the film had in my book. And Gerard Butler? One word - Phwoooaaaaarrrrrrr! There's a slight Sean Canary-ness about his accent that just makes you go wibble. Mmmmm!

Shoes! Shoes! Shoes!

While perusing Manolo's Shoe Blog today (http://shoeblogs.com/) I found a website that has made my heart flutter in a way that the Manolo Blahnik one did not. I don't know what's wrong with me! Manolos should surely have me salivating and wetting my pants but for some reason, the other day anyway, it didn't. Several pairs of the shoes on this new website had me squeaking in covetousness though:

https://www.babyphat.com/shop.php

Especially the pictured pair. They're sparkly!! And Pink!! Ooooooh!

Only the thought that to ship them over here from the States might cost as much as the actual shoe is restraining me... but I may have to make enquiries.

Dang it!! Shopping is replacing sex and food in my life. I must hurry up and marry an octogenarian millionaire ;o)

Still Don't Know What Happens In The Scrum!

So, for some reason (probably alcohol related!) I went to watch the rugby on Saturday afternoon. I was in the Sportsters bar on Market Street with some of the girls because Jo G had booked a table. That lady likes her rugby! Needless to say Scotland got humped. I can't even remember if the team played well or not but I do remember my pals heckling the commentator so it was probably his fault for jinxing them. I wonder if it was the same one that commentated the last game I tried to watch? He boasted about Scotland having been unbeaten at Murrayfield this season and then the team got totally trounced, by the Italians if I remember rightly. Wha? I thought they were rubbish at rugby - too cool to get muddy probably.

I still don't understand rugby but I do understand drinking on a Saturday afternoon so that's why I was there. I was also there hoping to ogle hunky rugby supporters but unfortunately all I had to look at was a bunch of preppie Edinburgh Uni RFC boys and a couple of skinny neddy types who looked way too young. Seriously, they didn't look a day over 15. Scary! I guess the real men must have been downstairs all huddled around the bar grunting. I like a seat when I'm confused so they weren't in my eyeline. Ho hum. I've included a picture of Ally Hogg for Lady Nat Nat though - try to contain yourself dear ;o)

On Sunday I went to see TMNT, or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as we all knew it. Pure nostalgia but entertaining none the less. Luckily all the small annoying children were in seeing Mr Bean because none of them had ever heard of a Mutant Ninja Turtle, teenage or otherwise. The animation was pretty good and the plot was actually a bit interesting. Cap'n Slaphead Jean Luc Picard was the voice of the baddie so that endeared me to it as well - surely he wouldn't be involved in sh*te now would he? For something that I was embarrassed to ask for a ticket to see ("Didn't you hear my mumble, ticket lady? Please don't make me say it twice.") I was pleasantly surprised by it. Hoorah! Or should I say "Awesome! Cowabunga dude!"

On Sunday evening ITV were showing a production of Mansfield Park. Oh joy! New adaptions of Austen are always worth investigating. Unfortunately they'd fannied (pardon the pun) about with it so much I was left feeling really disappointed. It was insipid and dull, but at points seemed like it was trying not to be, which is worse! It was the televisual equivalent of a boring asshole who thinks they're so great. The whole slave-trade thing was vaguely hinted at but not in any great depth and after rejecting Mr Crawford Fanny was punished by being left in Mansfield Park while everyone else went to visit Granny. This annoyed me because it was obviously done to save money on sets and actually detracted from story. Grrrrr! They're doing Northanger Abbey next week and I will be in the company of some bona fide Austenphiles so woe betide ITV if they've ballsed up that one as well!

On a happier note I went to see Becoming Jane last night and really, really liked it.

*spoiler warning - don't read on if you ever plan to watch it*

I was very worried that it would have been all Hollywood-ised and they'd somehow crowbar a happy ending on to it. Hallelujah though, they didn't. It is the story of how shitty womens' lives could be in that shitty patriarchal snobby society. Poor Jane! Oh man, you do not feel good at the end of the movie. It was good for me though because after a period of moping and bemoaning my single status it did make me grateful for one thing - at least I've had a good shag in my time. Man, there are worse ways to be and that's for sure!

Something Silly For Friday Afternoon

I'm Not Shy...I'm Just Retiring*

I got a letter in the post the other day confirming that my Civil Service Pension Scheme has been transferred into the University of Edinburgh Staff Benefits Scheme. It also said that I have been credited with 5 years and 143 days.

Is that how long I spent working there?? Sheesh! I think I spent around 5 years and 127 days trying to leave! I'm glad that the transfer happened though, I didn't fancy trying to claim my 20p a week when I'm 65... or 95 depending on how these things go over the next 35 years.

Oh God, what a depressing thought. At least another 35 years until I can give all this up. The way things are going we'll be kept working until we drop dead. Well, that's something to look forward to!

Which reminds me of the thing that made me laugh (hollowly) when reading the front page of the Metro today:

"DNA samples and fingerprints could soon be taken in shopping centres from suspected litterbugs and shoplifters.

The evidence will be collected in temporary detention centres designed to fast-track petty offenders, such as drivers caught not wearing a seat belt, the Home Office proposes.

But the idea could add thousands of extra names to the national DNA register and sweep away long-standing restrictions on whose information police are allowed to keep.

Civil liberties campaigners condemned the idea.

Liberty policy director Gareth Crossman said: 'The Government is fast replacing the best traditions of English law with a chilling presumption of guilt.'

The plans are part of a review of the 1984 Police and Criminal Evidence Act."

It just tickled me that it's the 1984 act. One more step towards our inevitable Orwellian dystopian future. Pass the Victory gin!

* Picture by Gil Elvgren 1950

God Bless the Canadians!

Human rights complainant ordered to pay $3,000
CBC News
http://www.cbc.ca/

A B.C. man who filed a human rights complaint against Just Ladies Fitness in Burnaby more than two years ago has now been ordered to pay the gym $3,000 because of the way he behaved.

Gordon Stopps made a formal complaint after being told he couldn't use a 10-day free pass to work out at the women-only gym. But the B.C. Human Rights Tribunal rejected his complaint of gender discrimination.

A lawyer for Just Ladies Fitness then argued Stopps should have to pay for his behaviour during the dispute, something that's happened at the tribunal just 17 times since 1999.

Gym managers accused Stopps of hostile behaviour, intimidating an 18-year-old receptionist and calling himself a "soldier of God."

They also complained that he had filed legal documents suggesting that one manager at the fitness centre could only blame herself for not getting into heaven.

Stopps also accused people at the gym of assault, alleging they tried to intimidate him into dropping his complaint.
However, the tribunal found his story didn't match what he told the RCMP.

The tribunal said Stopps had engaged in "improper conduct" and pointed out the award isn't about the merits of his case. It also said the $3,000 award should not discourage people from filing human rights complaints.

Marj says: Oh yes it should! Human rights my ass!

For the Fetishist That Has Everything?

http://www.goodvibrationsshoes.com/index.html

Shame they're so dang ugly!!

Sigh

Beetroot in my lunch and a white shirt was never going to end well...

London Baby!

As I usually try to be a positive kind of girl I'll get the bitching out of the way first...

Aaaargh! I'm definitely never travelling by plane again if I can help it. We flew down to East Midlands airport on Friday because our base of operations for the weekend was Leicester. The flight down was fine and Helen picked us up from the airport. The rest of the weekend went swimmingly (I'll get to that in a moment) but then Sunday came....

Emily and I were due to fly back to Edinburgh on the 13:15 flight, leaving plenty time for a leisurely Sunday afternoon of cat feeding, food shopping and general domestic boringness. We got to the airport at about noon and, after almost leaving our lunch in Helen's car (Noooooo!), joined the smaller of the check-in queues. Once we got to the counter we were asked if we knew that our flight had been cancelled. What? If we knew that would we be standing here trying to check-in??? The next flight was due to depart at around 5pm and in the meantime we could have a refreshment voucher for £5 each as an apology. Gaaaaah! What else could we do? Helen had already left to go to work so we were stuck there. Luckily we'd invested in a copy of the Sunday Times so that kept us going for all of about 4 hours. The bottle of Duty Free Tia Maria and the free refills on soda from Pizza Hut also helped those hours pass. Eventually Emily invested in a travel Scrabble set before we went insane. The feeling that we'd have to live in the airport was getting stronger with every passing minute. The flight took off late as well, and boarding wasn't announced. Sheesh! We eventually made it back to Edinburgh at about 8pm. Nightmare :o(

Anyway, the rest of the weekend was very pleasant indeed. We drove into London on Saturday for Spamalot and stopped in at the Baker Street branch of Nando's for lunch. Yummy yum yumsle. I had a meditteranean salad because of Fat Club and feeling particularly nauseous from car sickness. Bleeugh. I haven't been that bad for ages, but I'll try not to blame John's driving ;o) On the way to the theatre we popped into Selfridges to drool over all the lovely and very expensive shoes. Prada and Dior and Chanel oh my!! Lovely jubbly. Then we had to positively scamper down Oxford Street in order to find the theatre. Once there though we had sweet seats and the show was hilarious. There's enough from the film in there to keep saddos like me who can quote huge chunks of it happy but it's also sufficiently different to justify the trip. The production value is huge too, glitter and lights and effects all over the place. The tickets were quite pricey but you're getting quite a show for your money. Fetchez la vache!! La vache d'or?

I got myself an "I'm Not Dead Yet!" t-shirt for the gym too. I couldn't resist! I don't think the "Fetchez La Vache!" one would have fit me though. Booo!

On Saturday evening we watched The Dish on John and Helen's huuuawge screen. I mean huuuawge, they have a laser projector mounted on the ceiling of their living room and a big white screen to project on to. I'm so jealous!! The Dish was an interesting choice as John worked on the Beagle 2 mission to Mars and had an insider viewpoint on the tension these space expeditions can generate. Coincidentally enough there was also a lunar eclipse that evening so it was space-a-gogo down in Leicester. We stood about in the garden for a while watching the moon go dim but a lunar eclipse doesn't move at anywhere near the speed of a solar one so we got cold and bored pretty quickly. Still, I'm glad we went out and had a look at it.

Then there was Sunday, and we all know what happened then!

I had Monday off work but spent most of the day sat watching SATC. I've seen it all now. Waily! The good news is that the SATC film is definitely going ahead. Will I be going to see it? As Mr Big would say: "Abso-fucking-lutely!" :oD

Sing From The Diaphragm A Lot....

I'm off to Londinium this weekend to see Spamalot with Emily and Helen. Yippee!

In celebration of this I bring you another installment of "Spammers That Make Me Chuckle" from my Gmail junk. I was going to Google an image to go with this lot but I hate to think what would have come up if I'd typed in the first or the 5th ones so I just left it. Have a picture of an incredibly grumpy kitten instead. Aaaaw! He's so peed off!

Anyhoo, enjoy. I think third from last is my favourite of this batch.

Marianne Beaver
Johnny Pitts
Jeffrey Seals
Impeding B. Trendiest
Gay Humphrey
Young Belcher
Waterfowl. O. Conducts
Lugubriousness H. Euthanasia
Typographer B. Smith
Watercourse J. Ejection
Hemophiliac L. Stationed
Maximus Kong
Consensus G. Homophones
Ponders O. Bicycles

Meatballs and Chickpeas and New Shoes, Oh My!

So I just spent a very nice weekend with Zoe and Matthew in sunny Guildford, and it only rained for about 65% of the time. For some reason, that we won't go into here, I decided to fly down to Gatwick instead of getting the train. Ugh! NEVER doing that again by the way. Security at the airports is so strict these days. Obviously there are good reasons but when you've been standing in a huawge queue for 10 minutes already and then have to have your luggage rummaged through and your extremely fluff-filled handbag turned inside out then your irritation levels do reach fever pitch. Couple that with the fact that there are people EVERYWHERE in airports and rather a lot of them seem to be small, sticky and whiny (not just the kids!) and the decision to go by train from now on gets much easier. Oh God though, I'm flying again next weekend because we're off to London to see Spamalot. *whimper*

Anyhoo, besides that the weekend was very enjoyable. There were meatballs for tea on Friday, washed down with Cava and orange juice... and then meatballs for lunch on Saturday. Yumsle! The other staple of the weekend was chickpea stew, courtesy of Matthew. Zoe's getting him trained slowly but surely. After we'd spent Saturday afternoon shopping he was tasked with getting wur dinner ready and I think he did a not bad job. It was chickpeas for lunch again on Sunday though and by that point I was all chickpea'd out! There was a lot of "Pull my finger" going on I'm afraid. Luckily we all find that most amusing ;o)

So, fuelled by meatballs and with the promise of chickpeas to come, Zoe and I actually went girly shopping. Schock! Horror! This is what comes of not having a television dude! We eventually pulled ourselves together enough to leave the house (after an epic battle between me and the hot water system. Humph!) by about half past three on Saturday afternoon, so it wasn't a full day of retail delights. The shops in Guildford are not bad though. We got distracted by about 3 shops while trying to get into Next and spent a very happy 20 minutes or so perusing the pocket money toys in a shop that stocked the sorts of things you never knew you needed until you saw them. Love it!! Wind-up toys a go go.

After dragging Zoe away from that shop I managed to find a lovely pair of Kurt Geiger espadrilles on a sale rack. They're like the picture above except navy blue with a white ribbon. Oh so gorgeous!! I made the mistake of trying them on and then they had to be mine! I'm looking forward to wearing them on my holiday in April though, and I found a lovely skirt in Next that matches. I just need to find a nice navy blue and white striped top to complete the outfit I think.

Oh my God! When did I get so girly??? Sorry Zoe!

Anyhoo, we completely failed to go to the gym or go around Guildford cathedral or track down the Bearded Lady but we did catch up on Lost and eat a heck of a lot of chickpeas. The flight back up from Gatwick was just as unpleasant as the flight down (though I did witness a woman having hysterics at security over baby bottles. Entertaining but train next time for sure!!) so breaking free from the heaving throng in the airport was a great relief. I was exhausted but had to go feed the Duff's cat on Sunday evening. She's so squeaky! She was incredibly pleased to see me though so I felt obliged to hang around and get covered in cat hair. I watched some programme about a girl that's 'addicted' to chips in the end as I thought it may have some insights that would help me with my fondness for the frites. Unfortunately the girl that is 'addicted' to chips seems to be an attention seeking fruitloop so the programme just left me wanting to slap her silly. I did not want to eat chips after it though. BTW - I noticed there's quite a hot guy in the chipper the other week but when I asked for lots of sauce he was quite stingy. Obviously it's not meant to be between us....

Phwooooooooarrrrrr!

My pal Kirsi has loaned me the first 3 series of Sex and the City on DVD and I'm utterly bingeing man! Love it! Love it! Love it!

Especially loving looking at the yummisome Mr Big, aka Chris Noth. Oh Em Gee! What a knicker-wettingly beautiful man. So this is just another excuse for me to put some eye candy on my blog ;oD

Sigh, shall I wax lyrical on how great the series is or shall I just bask in the beauty for a moment? Oh go on, just for a moment...

Mmmmm....

Let's Go Fly A Kite...

That's what I'm doing, though you probably can't see the kite in this picture, and what with me being so unphotogenic it's a bit rubbish really, no offence to the photographer though. Ho hum. It was an absolutely bee-yoootiful day on Saturday so when Naomi called me all my good intentions of spending the day spring cleaning went out of the window. I packed my kite up and got a bottle of Irn Bru from the shop (for you can't go to Holyrood Park without Irn Bru, that'd just be WRONG! Unless you have cava, that would be an acceptable substitute.) and toddled down to soak up some of the spring weather.

I realised that I've had my kite since I was about 12 years old and it's still going strong. It really is a Super Tube! The pocket kite fared less well though, it seems a bit lopsided so it just kept flying around in circles and then crashing to the ground. I think my Super Tube was the second best kite out in the park on Saturday afternoon though. The best kite was one of those huuawge ones that can lift you off the ground, somebody was out with an orange and white one (so not Matthew's old one) and it was flying beautifully. My kite just went almost straight up and stayed up. Joe (Naomi's bro*) did want to run the string out to the end just to see how far it would go but he's that sort of guy. Having just realised how long I've owned that kite for I was less inclined to take the risk of losing it and took it back off him. There's a metaphor for life if ever there was one! He likes to go to the end of the string just to see what happens or if he can and I'm quite happy to accept there's an end to the string but I don't need to see it or risk my kite to know that it's there. Very zen... or something.

The third best kite was being flown by a mummy and her wee boy. It was several kites, about half a dozen, all strung together and they were sparkly. Oooh pretty! The most rubbish kite was a stunt one that 2 boys and their dad were attempting to fly while the mother and, presumably, the grandmother, stood by and looked unimpressed. They only managed to get it in the air once and it didn't stay up there for very long. I tried not to snigger too much as I stood there and enjoyed the serenity and calm engendered by my kite. I always forget how satisfying it is to fly my kite and I must make an effort to do it more often now the weather is getting better again. Hoorah!

*Literally mofo. Check out the gansta stylee. Word.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nao1/394419844/

Music and Man in Small Shorts...

I actually went and bought some popular music that wasn't in the bargain section. I'm hip with the kids man! Honest...

This is a new release as well, only came out on Monday. Gosh! Am I becoming a pop picker? Nae chance of that, trust me ;o)

So this album is ace. It's basically what it says on the tin, this guy has got 2 pop tunes and 'mashed' them together. What comes out of this is almost as good as my famous mustard mash with the added bonus of being less calorific. Some of my favourites on this album are:

Horny as a Dandy - Mousse T vs Dandy Warhols
Passenger Fever - Peggy Lee vs Iggy Pop
Can't Get a Blue Monday Out of My Head - Kylie vs New Order

All groovy stuff kids, it's got a good beat and you can dance to it.

I would also like to publicly give my thanks to the wonderful Simon Pegg for releasing Hot Fuzz on that most despicable of capitalist celebrations - Valentines Day. Instead of spending the evening cursing Hallmark and ranting about the meaninglessness of it all I got to go to the cinema with 4 good friends and laugh my ass off solidly for a couple of hours. That's what the film is about too, good friends. It's a homage to the Buddy Cop movie and beats the pants off any of them. *

*I had some stuff in here about friends and how they disappear out your life sometimes but that was all a bit depressing and neither of those barstewards read this thing anyway so there was very little point in it. Back to the pants.

And that brings me to my confession...

There was also a trailer last night for yet another Simon Pegg movie. Oh joy! It's called Run, Fatboy, Run and Lordy knows when it'll be released in the cinemas, I'm hoping it'll be this summer but maybe that's wishful thinking. That's not what I'm confessing about though. I have to confess I'm haunted by the vision of Simon Pegg in the most ridiculously small shorts you've ever seen in your life! It's probably extremely clever marketing because those lycra monstrosities will be lurking in my brain until I see the movie... But they're stragely compelling. I probably need professional help!

Bumholes!!

Did you know that it's National Chip Week?

Well, apparently it is. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I can't join in the fun. I fell off the diet wagon and into a vat of lard last week so I've got to be very good now. Harumph!

The plan seems to be to convince people that chips aren't as bad as you think. I don't think chips are bad, I think chips are wonderful. They're just lardy too. Sigh.

I've known some good chips in my time, and some bad chips. Possibly the worst chips on the face of the planet were available at any refectory in Edinburgh University, back in the day. When I was at uni I used to wonder what on Earth they did to the poor potatoes to make them that awful? I mean, chopped potato and some hot oil - how can you go wrong? Ask the catering staff at the uni circa 1995-1999! I suspect perhaps the oil wasn't hot enough but they weren't exactly soggy, they did manage to stick together in big clumps though. It was quite disturbing and they were like that the whole 4 years I was at uni. Maybe I should go and investigate what they're like these days? I'm horribly afraid they're still the same though. Eeeeuw!

Good chips? Where does one get good chips? I still haven't tried that place on the Royal Mile that Zoe recommends. The Sea Breeze or something? Dude - next time you're in Edinburgh it's fish suppers all round yeah?

Oh, and curly fries! Why can you not find curly fries anywhere anymore? Bar Oz is apparently back to being Oddfellows and is wanky and overpriced so I doubt you can get them there. A billy can of curly fries used to be the mutt's nuts though, with lashings of ketchup. Drooool.

Oh well, I've got more of The Great Meatball Experiment Mark II for my dinner tonight. I've been experimenting to see if you can do meatballs in a Le Creuset. Marks I and II have tasted splendid but have been a bit on the runny side. It's difficult to get the amount of liquid right but next time I'm going to try adding passata to see if that gloopifies it up a little bit. If Mark III doesn't work I may have to admit defeat and come to the conclusion that you can't do meatballs that way. Booo!

The Million Dollar Question

What's In The News Today?

Genius!!

From the Independent On Line - www.iol.co.za

Bus Passengers Treated to Soft Porn

Bus passengers in Sofia are being shown soft porn films on giant video screens at night.

During the day the plasma screens in the Bulgarian capital show bus times, but the night shift now has the porn films on view.

A spokesperson for the station management said: "We wanted to give the passengers something to take their minds off the cold and to pass the time while waiting for a bus, and there are unlikely to be children around that time of night."

The move however has angered many, including mothers with young children, who say the movies are a disgrace.

They also claim the security guards have stopped patrolling for troublemakers, and spend their time watching the giant screens instead. - Ananova.com

What I Are Been Reading....

Also this weekend I finally got my sticky little paws on a copy of Delta of Venus by Anais Nin. Zoe lent me the copy that's she's had since she was 18 and it's a beautiful copy. It has the cover shown and is yellowing and obviously old. I'll look after it dude, I promise!!

What can I say about this book?

Whoop whoop! Awoooga! Rrrrroooowrrrr! Zoinks!

Go read it!!!

From Vampire Hunters to Dirty Old Men... In One Weekend!

Friday was my colleague Ewen's birthday so we went to Assembly for drinks after work as they have a 2-for-1 offer on cocktails. Several raspberry mules and a couple of white Russians later and Ewen managed to get me to ingest my first ever Friday night kebab. It was a chicken kebab with garlic sauce from Palmyra and I have to say it was pretty dang tasty! It could have been the alcohol speaking but I distinctly remember thinking I could have done with another one. This is probably a bad thing! I then forced Ewen to watch one of my favourite late night drunk movies - Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. A musical horror with lesbians and Mexican wrestlers. What else could one ask for? Ewen showed his appreciation by falling asleep and snoring very loudly. Philistine!

On Saturday Zoe and Matthew had their farewell leaving do - dinner at David Banns. I have to say that the food was superb but I'm definitely too impatient to be happy with the wait it inevitably comes with. Oh well, apart from that is was a very nice meal. There were a few quality drunks on the way back to keep us entertained. The first one was so drunk his knees didn't work properly and we actually stopped to watch him try and negociate the kerb. In the end he gave up trying to get back on to the pavement and just started staggering off down the road. He was moving very slowly so hopefully motorists would have had enough time to avoid him. The second drunk seemed to have been locked out by his pal. He was shouting to be let in and when that didn't work the tirade of abuse towards his acquantance started. Then he started shouting at us for sniggering at him. I think this was a bit unfair, I personally was sniggering near him - not directly at him. Ah, I will miss the colourful characters that you see in Dumbidykes now that I won't be visiting Zoe. They do sometimes venture up into the Southside though so I'll still see them now and again.

Well, Zoe always joked that I was the bestest boyfriend ever because I'd bring her chocolate and fill her hot water bottle when she was crampy. My "boyfriend" has now moved to Guildford (and that's too far to go just to fill a hottie [f'narr] or deliver some ice cream) but she seems to have been replaced by a new "spouse" already. Emily and I spent Sunday afternoon viewing flats, shopping in Ikea and trailing around Sainsbury's for a weekly shop. Sigh. We didn't bicker or argue and nobody stomped off in a huff or insulted the other one's family though so I guess we can't be that much of a married couple - I'm still going to petition for custody of the tripod cat on holidays and weekends though ;o)

On Sunday evening we went to see Venus, which I'm particularly pleased about because it seems to be one of the ones that Cineworld only shows for about a week. They always do that with the ones I want to see. Bah. Anyhoo, it's currently sharing screen 13 (the posh one) with The Fountain (remember that??) so I doubt it'll still be playing after Thursday. This is the story of a 70-something actor and his unlikely friendship/romance with his friend's teenage grand-niece and I have to say I really liked this film. Some people will undoubtedly find the subject of an old man lusting after a young girl unsavoury but it's not all that bad and they really should give it a chance. The characters are so well done that you can't help but feel sympathy for O'Toole and excuse his lecherousness to a certain extent. He was obviously a virile man who now has one foot in the grave and the other one isn't far behind, why the Hell should he behave himself? The 'ick' factor is also tempered by the fact that he usually gets kicked in the nuts or slapped whenever he tries anything on. The character of Jessie, or 'Venus' is just as unlikeable as a lecherous old man to begin with. She's rude, uncommunicative and sloppy but as you understand more of her back story she does start to grow on you, and as her friendship with Maurice grows she becomes less hideous. This film does make uncomfortable viewing because you're reminded that older people don't just quietly and gracefully retire from life and dodder off into a world of biscuits and countdown. They swear, they have lustful feelings, they get bored and fed up just like the rest of us - but they're further impeded by just being plain old and things not working as well as they used to. No wonder we try and ignore older people - we're scared witless of ending up like that! Yikes!

Anyway, it's a bloody good film and it's given me an excuse to post a picture of the youthful and beautiful Peter O'Toole. When the light hits him in a certain way he's almost handsome.... *

* That's a quote from one of my favourite films - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059903/

It's Been 14 Weeks and Shoobeedooo Hours.....

...Since I started watching Buffy again and I finished the epic quest to watch all 7 seasons AND extras on Monday night. Go me! I have to say I was a little underwhelmed by the extras, but this could be because I'm such a rabid fan and, really, I want commentaries on every single episode by the writers, actors and directors. Is that too much to ask?

Obviously it is because what I got was a commentary on about every 4th episode, mostly by the writers but sometimes by the director and in rare cases a couple of the actors (Yay! Tom Lenk!). The commentary on one episode in particular was very dull. I can't even remember which episode it was but they'd wheeled in the Assistant Director or something and he kept going on about lighting and camera angles in quite a monotone voice. Yawn! Some of the episodes you'd expect to have commentaries didn't have one and there was a distinct lack of blooper reels (2 blooper reels from 7 series - 25% of which where Nick Brendon fluffing his lines? Rip off!) Still, after watching a few of the commentaries you could start to imagine what some of the writers at least would say.

There was also not enough James Marsters for my liking. I think that makes the gratuitous nuddy shot above quite justified though. Mmmm, nuddy shot....

Right, where was I? Oh yes, Buffy extras. Apparently there are outtakes of the bit in 'Smashed' where Buffy and Spike get it on posted on You Tube. I must go have a look for them....

Ooh, there's a lot of Buffy bloopers on there. I'll have to check them out sometime. Here's a link to the 'Morning After' bloopers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQVh2OMCqNo

I'll be moving on to my loverly Angel box set soon. Hurrah! I will dampen down my expectations of the extras though. I haven't watched Angel in so long this is going to be gooooood. Apart from Connor. I'll still be rooting for the whiny little twat to get minced. I love it when stuff hits him!!

Blackadder, Bad Trips and Balderdash

I was in the pub on Friday evening for Zoe's work leaving drinks. We were in the Holyrood Tavern, which I haven't been in for about 4 years, and on that last occasion it was the Edinburgh Festival and I can't remember much about it - yes, I was pished at the time. I do remember it being about 12:30am and the pub was heaving. I also remember seeing Simon Munnery (weird Festival 'comedian') sitting at the end of the bar, he was reading a newspaper... at half midnight in a pub. I remember thinking "What a tosser!" I later caught a bit of his very strange TV programme and was reassured that he did, in fact, seem to be a tosser. This time the bar was very quiet and civilised and pleasant, in a sticky tabled kind of way. At about 10pm the gathering repaired to Zoe's flat where one of her colleagues took a bit of a shine to me, and not in a good way. The colleague in question was a 40-something lady who kept hugging and kissing me. That has a sobering effect on one, I can tell you! She was a very affable drunk, just a bit... What's the word? Slobbery. Oh well, I later found out the poor woman had to work the next day so all my sympathies go out to her.

On Saturday evening Zoe and I had access to Byron's huuawge store of televisual entertainment. Oh joy! He actually has the pilot episode of The Blackadder which, despite being a huge and almost rabid Blackadder fan, I had never seen. Zoe kindly agreed to watch it with me and it was verreeee interestinck. It's basically the episode of The Blackadder where a aspersions are cast on the lineage of Edmond's brother, the heir to the throne, but in Elizabethan Blackadder the 2nd costumes. Oh, and Baldrick isn't as funny - Tony Robinson must have been born to play that part! Edmond is also the smarmy Blackadder of the second series and not the little slimy Edmond that he became in the first one. It still made me laugh out lound though, and there's a lot more slapstick in it. I'd be interested to find out why they changed from the smarmy Blackadder to the toady one, but then I'm a big freaky nerd that way ;o)

After that we watched a very interesting programme about LSD. I've never taken it myself and, after watching this programme, still have absolutely no desire to but it's one of those things (like killer bees) that makes you marvel and what dumb-asses human beings can be sometimes. Killer bees got loose on the American continent because the scientists studying them left a temp in charge when they all went on holiday and LSD seems to have got rife in the 1960's because the CIA decided to run clinical trials on students. D'oh!! Still, at least the students volunteered. This programme said there was evidence that the CIA dosed unwitting members of the public with it, basically to see what happened and if it could be used as a weapon. Evil. Evil. Evil.

Included in the programme was footage of an experiment that the BBC ran where they filmed a subject while he took a trip. This was not some crusty student they had scraped up, this was a smartly suited BBC presenter who took the drug in his drawing room. It ended up looking like something from Harry Einfield's Mr Chomondley-Warner series but the chap on the trip seemed to be having a marvelous time. He completely lost any 'normal' perception of time and would phase in and out of conversations. At one point he said he simply didn't have the vocabulary to explain what he was experiencing. This seemed to be a common theme with people on acid...

Which brings me to the movie I went to see on Sunday afternoon - The Fountain. I think this movie was on acid, or I wish I'd taken something before going to see it! I say it was on acid because it seemed to want to articulate something very profound but lacked the vocabulary and what came out was pretty incoherent balderdash. Talking of pretty though, baldy star-man Hugh Jackman in his little kung-fu pyjamas was quite pretty - when you weren't sniggering at how ridiculously pretentious those bits of the movie were! (See really bad photo above).

So Hugh Jackman's a surgeon married to a lady with a brain tumour, who's also the (quite barmy in my opinion) queen of Spain and he's also a hairy conquistador, but yet he's a baldy dude in little jammies doing tai chi in the stars and she's a tree... Or something.

I read a review on the IMDB about this one and I wonder what movie that guy went to see. Tellingly, he says a lot about the cinematography and the score but very, very little about the actual content or themes of the film. See above RE incoherent balderdash.

I hate to say it, but I may end up having a soft spot for this film just because it is so bad. So it's official - I'm sometimes a cinematic masochist. The review on the BBC website said it was "...rampant metaphysical codswallop" and I was practically sprinting to the cinema. I only have myself to blame. I'd go with meandering esoteric haddock slap myself though.

What Does 3.5lbs Look Like?

So, first weigh-in at fat club and despite a bit of a wobbly week I managed to lose 3.5lbs. Go me! I completely forgot that I had a free lunch (no such thing!) to go to on Monday so that didn't help much. The department had the Xmas lunch at Howie's on Victoria Street and we were entered into a draw to win your lunch again - we won! I had lovely creamy cullen skink to start with, rabbit for mains (bring on the bunny!) and cheese for dessert. Burp! I did go to the gym twice last week though so I think that helped.

I decided to type "3.5lbs" into the image searcher on Google to see what came out. Apparently I've lost the equivalent of one of the following in a week:

Makita 6228DWE 3/8in. Dr.14.4V Cordless Drill
I kind of popped this one in for Matthew. He loves his Makita.

A huuuawge tub of Gumballs
Retailing at $24.95

A bronze statue of a cow
He's called Riley apparently, by David Hodges. Actually, he weighs 7.5lbs so Lordy knows why he popped up in my search. Isn't he horrible though? Who'd have that in their house?? It's Range Boss that weighs 3.5lbs and it's even worse:

http://www.stockyardsgallery.com/original%20bronzes.htm

Jeez-oh!

A small yappy-type dog.
He's called Grover.

F*cksocks!!

Well, I was SO excited yesterday because I was due to start a new night class. It was entitled Film Studies - History of British Comedy. Fandabidozie! Just what I was looking for - the right evening, the right price and the right subject.

However, it being a council run course, they needed a quota of at least 10 people to sign up for it. You'd think they'd get that no problem but no, only 6 people turned up. How annoying! We started off watching a little clip of a Will Hay film from the 1930s and having a little discussion about colonial attitudes and the origins of British film comedy because we were advised to wait until half past to see if anyone else would turn up. Just that little tiny smidgin of discussion was SO interesting it made my disappointment even more crushing, I almost cried on the way home.

The class leader said he'd try and run the course again in September so I'll have to keep an eye out for it then, and next time I'm taking friends with me!!!

Saturday Night At The Movies....

Who cares what picture you see.... do bee do bee

Well, me actually cos I haven't got anyone to be a huggin' and a kissin' and even if I did I most certainly don't go in for that sort of thing! Heh, my first date at the tender age of 15 was to see 'Delicatessen' (how sophisticated was I for a 15-year old?!?! Not very cos I didn't get it at the time) and the boy I was with kept trying to snog me all the way through. I kept swatting him off because I was actually watching the film and it's carried on like that ever since. I take my cinema very seriously and can't be doing with stupid boys who want to cuddle up when my chair is obviously designed to make me comfortable and him having his arm around me is just a pain in the neck, literally. Gerrofff!

That's one of the reasons why I don't usually go on a Saturday evening. People who say they don't like going to the cinema obviously only go on a Saturday and get a very skewed notion of what goes on. Tea-time/after work on a Tuesday, that's when you should go, it's very civilised then. No long queues, no gangs of unruly teens, a lot less popcorn munching and answering of phones, etc. etc. etc. Anyhoo, I went to Emily's for dinner and to meet her tripod cat, Albie, on Saturday and then we headed up to Cineworld to see what Mel Gibson's latest offering was like. Albie was very cute by the way and the three-legged thing isn't as freaky as you would think.

So, Apocalypso. What can I say about this film? Um... it's an interesting one - but not for the right reasons. Perhaps I should have read more about the plot synopsis before I went but, to me, that shouldn't be necessary with a good film. I knew absolutely nothing about Vera Drake when I saw it as a special preview but right from the start I was intrigued with her and Mike Leigh only took about 10 minutes to get to the point. 40 minutes in to Apocalypso and I was still wondering where on Earth it was supposed to be going? I'm swithering about how much to say because if I complain too much I'll give away the plot but then again, I'm not sure I would encourage people to watch this effort.

Oh gosh, I just read the review on the IMDB of this film. 10 stars? What film was that dude watching??? Breathless pace? Only if the guy next to you is snoring! I thought the film took an age to get where it was going and then just got very silly and predictable at the end. By far the best bit is the jaguar chase and I don't think the effect Mr Gibson was going for was to make me absolutely piss myself laughing.

I think it's an interesting film because not many people would attempt a film in a dead language so, from an historical point of view, it could be valuable. However, as the IMDB states:

Factual errors: The Mayans had a prolific knowledge of astronomy and were able to calculate solar and lunar eclipse dates over thousands of years. So, a solar eclipse would not have been a surprise for anyone.

D'oh! Major plot point there.

On Sunday afternoon (a much more civilised cinema time) I went to see The Last King of Scotland, a not at all silly and actually very good offering. This film is about a young Scots medical graduate who travels to Uganda in 1970 in order to taste a bit of life instead of being shovelled straight into the family GP practice with his father. That young Scot is played by the strangely yummy James McAvoy so I've posted a picture of him cos hey, any excuse! Through a chance encounter he ends up the personal physician to the new leader of the country, Idi Amin. As Amin's reputation as an evil bampot is his legacy you can imagine that all does not end well for our hero. In fact, it all goes pretty spectacularly wrong and I have to admit that I was on the edge of my seat for at least the last half hour of this movie. It is stunningly scary, mostly due to Forest Whitaker's brilliant portrayal of an absolutely psychotic Idi Amin. I think the lazy eye thing helps so I don't know if the real Amin was just as or even more scary without it. If that film is an accurate portrayal the guy was a freakin' fruitloop and had a lot of power so yes, he was a very, very, very scary man. As they say, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Not at all an enjoyable movie to watch but very good indeed.

Now I'm looking forward to the release of Bobby, a film Emilio Estefez has apparently been trying to make for years. The cast he finally got together is star studded and the advance hype all seems quite positive. That's out the week after next so if you're very good I'll let you know what I think of that as well ;o)

Status Report

So, I'm officially a Scottish Slimmer now. I went to the meeting and I got all the bumf and I've read the magazine and so on and so forth. Basically I aint just on a diet, I'm going to have to go through a whole life overhaul, and it's probably about time. It's Le Creuset casseroles and housework on a Sunday from now on... honest guv! Well, I'll take it a step at a time I think. I cleared out my wardrobe last weekend, which filled 2 bin bags and liberated about 47 coat hangers. Scarily enough all my clothes still don't fit in the damn thing (it's a really, really stupid design) but at least I have enough coat hangers now. There's still a lot to trawl through in the life laundry but that was a start.

In a similar spirit I thought I'd change my blogger profile. I used to have the following random question and answer, which I think reflected my personality in some ways:

Q- You get to ride the big roller coaster three times in a row. What will keep your dad from taking a bite out of your candy apple?
A - I got chips instead and scoffed the lot, thus answering the eternal "Daddy or chips?" question.

This didn't seem quite right for Dietlicious, Fit and Healthy Marj so I decided to change it. Man, but those random questions are bizarre though. I trawled through about a dozen of them before I found one that I remotely wanted to answer, and even then it's a bit dodgy. It will probably be changed again soon but I had to go and do some work so it'll do for now.

The picture on my Gil Elvgren desk calendar was the one above today, could this be an omen? It's entitled Weighty Problem (Starting at the Bottom). Hey, that could be me soon! Lordy knows where I'll find one of those devices though. What are they supposed to do anyway? It looks like it'd be good for cellulite and I'm way beyond any help in that department now. I may keep her picture around for inspiration though :)

I'm Not Fat, I'm Just Fluffy....

So today is D-Day... as in Diet Day. I'm off to join Scottish Slimmers in a moment so wish me luck! This is the start of the long slog to gorgeous sveltness and looking decent for Zoe and Matthew's wedding. I thought if I publicise the fact I may be shamed into actually sticking to the thing so stay tuned for progress reports...

Song for Today

I once met a man with a sense of adventure He was dressed to thrill wherever he went He said "Let's make love on a mountain top Under the stars on a big hard rock "
I said "In these shoes? I don't think so I said "Honey, let's do it here."

So I'm sitting at a bar in Guadalajara
In walks a guy with a faraway look in his eyes He said "I've got as powerful horse outside Climb on the back, I'll take you for a ride I know a little place, we can get there for the break of day."
I said "In these shoes?"
"No way, Jose"
I said "Honey, let's stay right here."
No le gusta caminar. No puede montar a caballo (She doesn't like to walk, she can't ride a horse) Como se puede bailar? Es un escandolo (But the way she dances, it's a scandal)

Then I met an Englishman "Oh" he said "Won't you walk up and down my spine? It makes me feel strangely alive."
I said "In these shoes? I doubt you'd survive. I said "Honey, let's do it. Let's stay right here."
No le gusta caminar. No puede montar a caballo (She doesn't like to walk, she can't ride a horse) Como se puede bailar? Es un escandolo (But the way she dances, it's a scandal)

God Bless Kirsty MacColl!

I still haven't bought any shoes this year though. All the ones in the sales are minging! Bah!!

Today's Fish is Trout a'la Creme...

Fish!!

Did you ever think you'd see the day where I'd get distracted from Buffy? Well, that day has come. I've been loaned The Blue Planet on DVD and I can't get enough of it. I've only got 4 episodes of season 7 of Buffy left to watch and I'd rather watch the fishies. The other night I deliberately stopped myself with 4 episodes of Buffy left to go because I knew I'd have to watch all of them in a oner and didn't fancy staying up until 3am on a school night to get it done. "Oh, I'll just pop in the Blue Planet instead," I thought to myself. D'oh! I'm completely hooked now.

I think my favourite bit so far is the bit with the killer whales hunting sea lions and going right up on to the beach to nab them. You must have seen that bit but the brilliant thing about it is the lead-up to that in the programme. Immediately before that the viewer is treated to an account of the family life of sealions and how they raise their pups. On a quiet beach young sealion pups frolic and play. The adults keep a watchful eye on them and occasionally join in their little games. The beach they have chosen is a perfect nursery with enclosed pools for the pups to practice swimming in when the tide is out. It's now high tide and time for the young pups to take their first foray into the surf. You see a shot of the pups just on the shore and gradually your eye notes a strange black and white shape in the waves... then WHAM. SPLASH. CHOMP. There's a freaking big killer whale on the beach!!!! Just brilliant. I love it when nature programmes do things like that. I still remember that other BBC production that showed chimps hunting a monkey. Oh the outcry at the time! People thought chimps just ate bananas and drank Typhoo tea but this showed them ripping a monkey to bits and scoffing it down. That's life folks!

On a side note: I went to see Ingmar Bergman's Seventh Seal at the Film House last night. Also superb. Superficially I can see why some people might brand the film as dull and pointless but it doesn't have a reputation as one of the most iconic European 'art films' for nothing. There's tons of stuff in there, humour as well as philosophy and theology. Bergman's death is not as impartial as Terry Pratchett's but he likes a laugh. Jons the squire is the one that seems to have the most healthy outlook on things though - "Wherever you turn you'll always have your rump behind you." or, as the translation I saw last night would have it "It's your own arse you sit on." True. True.

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam.....

Spammitty Spam Spam Spam.....

After a couple of weeks with no internet access quite a bit of spam had built up in my email account. Before deleting it all for ever I thought I had better check if any real emails had got shovelled into the Spam file by mistake. While trawling through all the shite that had accumulated there I started to notice odd user names for some of the senders of the Spam. Some were so amusing I thought I'd share:

(I think the third from last might be my favourite!)

Subservients B. Sparred
Britney Spears
Opaline Smathers
Married K. Buber
Chihuahuas I. Chippewa
Perverted B. Fluffiest
Taxidermist J. Pummelled
Inneficiency U. Harpist
Berserk F Cheeriness
Prophesy F. Roughnecking
Electorate V. Homemade
Hallucinogenics O'Hepburn
Idled H. Surveillance
Portmanteau D. Clothing

Oh, and an honourary mention for one of the chaps doing a seminar at the university in March - Mr Feuchtwang. Oh, I'm so easily amused!

Happy New Year & All That Guff

Hoorah! Hoorah! That's 2006 over with and 2007 is now here. I've still been putting 06 on all the dates I've had to write today but that's not unusual, I always take until about April to get the hang of it.

Hogmanay this year was wild, and I don't mean in a booze-fuelled way. I mean the elements were giving it laldy. I went out to buy tobacco at about 5pm on New Year's Eve and was so blustered and battered and rained on from just going to the shop at the end of the road that I was not relishing having to drag my sorry ass out to make merry. In the end I decided to don my new flannel jammies, park myself on the couch and just not go out at all. Louise and Craig came up to keep me company and we had a very pleasant and cosy evening in front of the telly. Lovely!

The street party had been cancelled at about 10pm so the papers on the first were full of very odd pictures of a totally deserted Princes Street (see above). SO glad I wasn't out there!

Resolutions include getting in shape for Zoe & Matthew's wedding in September/October and (after the hangover I suffered yesterday) never ever ever drinking again! That one won't last long but I'm going to be one of Zoe's bridesmaids so I'd better get my fat ass down the gym asap. Sigh.

So, 2007 is shaping up thusly:

Hangovers: 1 very severe one. I had drunk 2 bottles of red wine though. Uuurgh.

Square sausages: 1.5 (I had to share my sausage supplies with my first foot. Bah! Probably a good thing considering the imminent health kick though)

Seasons of Buffy: Finished re-watching season 6 last night. Love it!!!!

New Pairs of Shoes: 0 - Haven't been down the sales yet. Haud me back!!

Happy Hogswatch

Well, it's finally here. 'Twas the Friday before Xmas and all through the town people were going "Oh b*llocks! I forgot to buy sprouts!" Not me though, partly cos I don't like sprouts and partly because I've tasked Annabel to get them. She's the one that likes sprouts anyway. As long as she remembers the parsnips I'll be happy. I have to go buy toothpaste, loo roll, deodorant, all that kind of stuff. What a time to run out! Cameron Toll here I come I guess. Bah. And humbug too.

I got my tree up last Friday, with the help of Naomi. Thank goodness she came round, I don't think I could have mustered the enthusiasm myself but the results do cheer me up (see rather blurry photo) I really wanted blue fairy lights but they're too expensive just now. I'll just have to wait a year or two until they're totally unhip and then I'll get myself some. The multi-coloured ones are pretty though (£1.99 from Edinburgh Bargain Stores. Viva la Bargain Store!) and I have pink baubles and tinsel so it's sufficiently Marjified.

In a little over 50 minutes I'll be clearing out of the office ne'er to return... until the 4th of January anyway. Hoorah! This is the first job I've ever had where you actually can't work between Xmas and New Year, they shut the whole Uni down and I love it. I'm looking forward to having nothing to do, except I will have things to do. Dang! The best laid plans of mice and Marj, as they say.

Well, I must say 2006 has been interesting. It started well, was going pretty fine and dandy up until the Autumn but, unfortunately, since then it's gone a bit pear shaped. I'm now waiting to see the back of 2006 now and am actually looking forward to dreary, horrible mid-January because it will be over and done and gone. There'll be a whole slew of new rubbish to deal with then but it'll be different rubbish so it should at least not be as boring. Hah, and if it all gets too much I can escape to fabulous Guildford to visit Zoe and Matthew. I get to all the exotic locations, me.

Right so. Let's get on with it. Katie's insisted we play the Xmas CD one more time before we leave so Noddy bloody Holder is telling me, as if I didn't know, it's Chriiiiisstmaaaaaaas!

Piss off Noddy.

My Magnificent Octopus!

I've just been reading "The Other Side of the Story" by Marian Keyes. I woke up early on Sunday and decided to stay in bed and read for a bit (you need a pure, unadulterated chick lit binge once in a while and it's not fattening so it must do you good...) Just over 28 hours and 452 pagers later I'm sure, in some way I can't quite define, that she's written the novel I was going to write. Or rather, she writes the novels I'd write if I ever got off my ass and did it. Dammit!!

This novel has 3 main characters and little bits of each of them seem uncomfortably familiar. Maybe this is the secret of Ms Keyes' success? Zoe read the book before me and said she identified with the "Aargh! No clean clothes to wear. Rummage in wardrobe. Find shirt with stains - Oh well, won't take off jacket all day" aspect of one of the characters. Who hasn't done that though? I think I like the ball-busting literary agent Jojo the most of the three, despite her being American, but that's possibly because she's a curvy redhead and has the best shoes. I have other reasons for identifying with her the most as well so I really hope it all turns out nice in the end. Of course it will! It looks like the kind of book where you're guaranteed a satisfactory ending and the qoutation on the jacket says the book will "... make you bubble up with happiness inside." Oh fingers crossed it all turns out well. If I don't bubble up with happiness I may demand my money back. Oh hang on, I nicked the book from the big pile in my boss' office. Dang!

You're doomed...

So, I'm not usually a superstitious person but just recently I've suspected that the universe has it in for me. I'm the sort of person that won't walk under ladders because I'm afraid some fat builder is going to fall on my head but I'm sure I've broken a mirror before with no noticeable downturn in fortune, I open umbrellas indoors and I quite often put shoes on the bed (and the table - I can't remember which one is bad). I heard a new one last week though. I got a 2007 calendar from the procurement office and thinking 'Oh, how handy!' I stuck it up in the office. May, my colleague, was horrified because apparently this is bad luck. I've never heard this particular one though and scoffed at her warnings. Moreover, 20 minutes later I used the thing to check a date and thus reasoned that if it was fulfilling its purpose in life then how could it possibly bring misfortune?

Well, since then I've had a catalogue of woe and am worried that this time I may have got myself well and truly cursed. Dang!

I woke up in the middle of another power cut on Saturday. It was annoying but no big deal to me at that point. I couldn't shower so couldn't possibly leave the house and go Xmas shopping. I was able to make coffee and a bacon sandwich though so it wasn't all bad. I settled down on the couch, under a duvet, and spent most of the afternoon reading. When the power came back on the boiler was f*cked though. I have to admit I wept bitter tears of frustration at this point. I'd only had the gas man out about 3 weeks previously to fix the damn thing at a cost of £80-odd pounds and didn't fancy calling him out again. I even went to far as taking the thing to bits to see if I could change the fuse in it. This was all to no avail, it was still not working. I was absolutely gutted and retreated, muttering, back under the duvet.

A little later I had to emerge to get ready for dinner at the Duffs' house. I wasn't in the most sociable mood so was not particularly enthused about going, the alternative was sitting in a stone-cold flat feeling sorry for myself though so I thought I may as well inflict myself on my friends. That's what they're for after all. I thought I'd give the boiler one last try, in the hope that the fairies had fixed it. Well, blow me, they had done. The boiler came on when I turned the power on and when I put the heating on that glorious 'woof' sound of the pilot igniting filled my ears. I love that sound now, it's right up there with the pop of a cork coming out of a wine bottle for some of my favourite noises.

Now the hot water doesn't work though. Bah!

I went to the movies on Sunday and saw one of the worst films I've seen in a long time. Admittedly, it was a bit of a gamble but it could have been so bad it was good. No, The Covenant is a big pile of steaming doo-doo I'm afraid. The bad guy and the good guy both look the same and all the important plot is divulged by the 2 teenage girls while sitting about in their neglegiggles. I didn't think I had to pay attention to girls in their undies! What's the big idea of having them relate plot?? Nobody's going to listen! Pah!

When I got in on Sunday evening the bulb in the kitchen blew. I thought that taking down the calendar might negate the evil influence so I took it down as soon as I got into work on Monday. That didn't help though. I managed to break my coffee mug while washing up after lunch. Waily! I really liked that mug, it was big but elegant. Sigh. Things have been quite quiet the last couple of days though so maybe that was my final warning from the universe?

I bought a 2007 diary the other day and now I'm scared to put any entries in for next year in case this is bad luck too. Bah.

Bah Humbug!

Ugh. I came in to work on the 1st of December and May made us put up the Christmas decorations. There's a distinct lack of tinsel and glitter around my desk area by the way. The most Christmassy thing on my desk is a clementine, and I can't even be bothered eating that! Then she made us listen to Christmas songs today because it's Kirsty the temp's last day. I also had the misfortune to hear the new Cliff Richard song on the radio this morning. Waaargh! When will it all be over?? There's weeks of this still to go :o(

Bad Friend or Just Sneaky?

So, I bought Bruce Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman for his birthday (which is in 2 days) but I've started reading it. I'm trying really hard not to bend the spine. Does this make me a bad friend for giving him a sort of 2nd hand gift or a really good friend for buying him Neil Gaiman? I'm inclined to go with the 2nd one, and I'm sure Neil Gaiman would back me up!

(Addendum - having thought about it Mr Gaiman would probably say "Buy a second copy you cheapskate!" He does, after all, have all those cats to feed.)

Oh, it's so gooooooooooooood! I can't wait to see the movie version of Stardust :o)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0486655/

Bloody Claire Daines and Sienna Miller though. Yeuch!!!

Hang on though... Adam Buxton?? Of Adam and Joe? Dexter Fletcher?? It get's curiouser and curiouser....