Splish Splash

My shower's been on the blink for about a fortnight. Well, not true. It's been on the blink for about 4 weeks but finally died a death about 10 days ago. Since then I've been having to outsource my ablutions. Thank goodness I have several alternatives!

I have been using the gym showers, and also working out more as a result. One day I turned up and there was a big sign on the changing room door saying there was no hot water. I almost wept! Luckily the problem with the hot water had been the day before and they just hadn't taken down the sign. Phew!

We also have showers in the basement at work so I had a shot of those yesterday morning. Wow! Because they're in the basement the water pressure is amazing! The water was lovely and hot as well. Cor! I haven't had a shower that good for years. What with the availability of data projectors I was seriously considering moving into one of the seminar rooms down there. I'd have amazing showers and home cinema....

Anyway, I've also had to try and find a plumber to install a new shower. Good grief, it's an anxiety making prospect! First of all I had to find ones that can fit electric showers, then I realised I had to make clear they were replacing an existing unit and not fitting a whole new one. I also have to worry that it might be complicated by the abundance of tiles in the bathroom and hope that whoever designed the shower cubicle wasn't an idiot. If it was the same guy that designed the kitchen I have grave doubts. Then you have to know what wattage the unit is and, unlike microwaves, it doesn't say on the outer casing. Luckily I phoned up Mira with the serial number and they could tell me right off. Fantastic! That decided me that I was buying another Mira shower anyway.

And on top of all that I'm a single female and probably ripe for a ripping off :o(

Well, I've got a guy coming tomorrow morning to hopefully fit the shower. He came recommended on Myworkman.co.uk so hopefully he'll be a nice, professional man who'll just do the job and not leave too much of a mess.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Addendum: It gets even more complicated. I just got this from one of the companies:

If you were to purchase an advanced model I would say that is would be a straight swap like for like. If you change to a different Mira shower some piping alterations behind the shower may be needed or a mounting plate may be needed. Not all shower even if they are the same brand have the pipe inlet in the same place this why I say some pipe work may be needed and materials.

Holy crapola! Mind you, my dude coming tomorrow checked that with the supplier - which further reassures me.

Sigh. If only I had a tropical waterfall to wash in....

Bananananananananananana Bread

I made banananananananananana bread again at the weekend and it turned out so well my colleagues begged me for the recipe. I realised that I've put the cookie recipe on here but not the banananananana bread one so here it is:

Ingredients
225g/8oz self-raising flour
100g/4oz butter
150g/5oz caster sugar
450g/1lb Fairtrade bananas (the softer the better), peeled and mashed
½ tsp salt
2 eggs
175g/6oz mixed dried fruit

Method
1. Pre-heat the oven to 180C/350F/Gas 4.
2. Mix all the ingredients except the dried fruit together. You can do this in a food processor or by hand in a basin.
3. When they're all thoroughly mixed, add the dried fruit. Spoon the mixture into a 1kg/2lb non-stick loaf tin, spread it out evenly and bake it for one and a half hours. The loaf is done when a skewer pushed into its middle comes out clean.
4. Cool on a wire rack, then slice before serving.

I like to soak the mixed dried fruit in a bit of rum for a couple of hours or overnight. It adds extra moisture to the mix. Remember to let the loaf cool for a bit before you try to get it out of the tin though, the extra moisture means it has a tendency to fall to bits when still warm!

The Strawberries Are Ripening Fast...

Ok, so it's all been a bit negative here recently. I've been getting bogged down in being annoyed with idiocy and, quite frankly Mr Shankley, it gets on your tits after a while.

As it's Friday afternoon I thought I'd lighten the mood a bit and go back to what seems to be my other favourite blogging subject - Hot Men! Today's subject: Mark Strong.

Thanks go to MoJo for waking me up this morning with the following text: "You'll never sing the same if your teeth ain't your own..."

If you've seen Rock'N'Rolla this'll make sense, if you haven't then you should watch it - as long as you like Guy Ritchie movies. If you can't be doing with them I wouldn't bother, except to see how hot Mark Strong is... Phwooarr! He plays Archie, he of The Slap.

MoJo's text was prompted by our excitement over the prospect of Body of Lies. I wasn't fussed about seeing this movie. A corrupt cop crime thriller with Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe? Yaaawn! Then I saw the trailer again and spotted a familiar, and very handsome, face. Suddenly I'm all about going to see that movie. Yeah, ok. I'm shallow and easily led. What of it?

Anyway, Mark Strong also played Mr Knightley in a production of Emma and when he uttered the line "Mr Knightley invites you to taste his strawberries, for they are ripening fast..." I almost fell off the couch. It was the way he said it.... *wibble*

That is of course the reply I sent to MoJo's text. (Ok, so this has been a tedious insight into the random workings of our minds but isn't it better than another rant about stupid people? I think so.)

Ah, Mr Knightley - I'd love to sample your strawberries!

We're Doomed!

Ok, so work's really been annoying me lately. It's because we've got to that point in the term where students have to hand in essays. This means that the only student contact I really have is with those that can't work out how to read instructions or use a computer. Oh the joy!

Since I started working at the university I've become convinced that students are a lot more feckless than when I was an undergraduate. This could just be because I do only deal with the 'problem children' but I have seen evidence reported from various scientific studies that back my opinion up.

Here's the latest one. I found this in The Journal, the student paper at Edinburgh University. This is the bit that makes my heart sink into my (Duo) boots:

"Concerns over online journals and the value of university degrees has also coincided with research published at King’s College London, which argues that the intellectual abilities of Britain’s brightest teenagers have decreased rapidly over the past three decades.

Michael Shayer, professor of applied psychology, ran tests on 800 13-14 year-olds’ ability to think logically and analytically. In one of the tests, 24 per cent of the children from 1976 scored high marks, compared to just 11 per cent of teenagers today.

However, the research found a significant improvement in the performance of the average pupil.

Mr Shayer said: "Teachers are concentrating on giving the basic skills to more pupils, so the average ability goes up, but they fail to stretch the brightest, so the high-end ability falls."

So, the general population are getting more basic skills at school but those that go on to higher education are less capable of coping with it. Great! That's why I spend all my time dealing with kids that seem to have no common sense whatsoever.

My worry is Darwinian though. Where does this leave survival of the fittest? If one considers intelligence as a 'fit' characteristic of human beings (which I do).

My friends, this is more evidence to suggest that Idiocracy could be a highly accurate vision of the future.

Oh bugger.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Take No Notice

Rant incoming!!

It's Monday the 13th. Uuuurgh. This is even worse than Friday the 13th because at least then you've got the weekend to recover. This morning saw me sleep in (as usual) and then put my finger through a brand new pair of tights when getting dressed. Gah! I put on a second brand new pair of tights and discovered that by the time I'd got to work they had a hole in them. What's worse is that it was one of those holes that just got bigger and bigger and bigger the more you tried to do anything about it. I don't know if the hole was there already or if my boots caused it but whichever this is highly unfair. Is this the universe telling me to just give it up, wear scratchy thick wooly tights and start biting my nails? The defeatist in me that would have stayed in bed today purely because it's Monday the 13th would say yes, the rest of me says NO! I will paint my nails and I will wear sheer tights and I will have nice boots and I won't let the bastards grind me down!

Sigh.

Talking of bastards there's a fair few stupid ones out there, aren't there? My moan about students is not new - for the most part they seem to be utterly feckless and don't understand the concept of reading the instructions or actually looking for information. Not all students are like this, or I hope they aren't, but the ones I come into contact are and that tars all the rest of them with the same brush I'm afraid. It's so disheartening when you've tried to cover all the angles and make information accessible to them and still they come to you with the stupid questions. You want to say "You know why they call it a notice board? You're supposed to notice what's on it, dummy!!" Apparently they are not taught to think for themselves in school any more. Oh dear, just don't get me started or we'll be here all day. Sigh.

Anyway, fecklessness in the 'yound adults' of today I have come to expect. They're inexperienced and apparently barely prepared to go out into the world these days. It's when you see it in those that should know better that it really astounds me. Surely those born before 1980 were taught to look at noticeboards and signs to gather information about their environment? We didn't live in the litigation culture that seems to thrive today so if you fell into a hole that was surrounded by "Watch Out! Big Hole!" signs you had nobody to blame but yourself surely?

Since the new Informatics building has been open on campus I've noticed they use abseiling window-cleaners. Part of me hopes they're also leaving boxes of milk tray for unsuspecting admin assistants but I doubt the uni budget runs to that. They probably just clean windows while dangling from bits of rope. Fair enough. However, they do put out cones on the ground where they are working and signs that say 'Warning - Abseilers Working Above' or words to those effect. Anyway, they draw attention to the fact that there might very well be a bloke on a rope dangling above your head so it's probably not a good idea to walk on the bit of pavement that's been coned off. Entirely sensible in my opinion. What is not entirely sensible is the woman who looked like an academic in her mid-50s (certainly old enough to know better!) walking obliviously past the signs and through the coned off area! What. The. Eff? If people like her have given up on reading signs what hope have we got?

Oh, and talking of feckless - The boy on the till in Sainsbury's. Once I'd realised a second pair of tights had been ruined and I didn't have a spare I had to go and buy some more. Gah! I know Sainsbury's sold tights and I also knew they were behind the counter so I would have to ask for them. Oh how I hoped for a female cashier to be on. They would sympathise with me! Alas no, there was a boy behind the till. I went up and said "Hi, I need a pair of tights and they need to be large size please. What have you got?" Then he got all flustered just because I was asking for tights. He actually said "I'm maybe not the best person to ask about this." What? You're they guy standing behind the counter that has the tights behind it. All I'm asking you to do is read the flipping packets and give me some that are LARGE. Jesus! It seems it's too much to expect shop assistants to read labels these days. Feckless feckless feckless!

And then I got attacked by a wasp outside the shop. What the hell? It's October, why are there still wasps flying around?

I should have stayed in bed...

Yes he is...

It's The End Of The World As We Know It... NOT!

So, these scientists in Switzerland were supposed to be causing the end of the world this week. They were going to do this by spinning lots of stuff round in a colander or something, thus creating mini black holes that would suck us all into oblivion.

I for one was looking forward to this and am slightly disappointed to find myself still here.

I had three days off last week to try and collect my sanity before the start of term but they didn't really help. I spent most of the time sitting on my butt reading Jilly Cooper, ignoring the washing up and generally having a fine old time. Instead of rejuvenating and refreshing me the time off just threw into sharp relief how much work blows at the moment. Waking up on Monday morning was unbelievably awful and dragging my ass into the office was even worse. Sigh.

Next week is Freshers Week and if those scientists had managed to completely destroy the world I wouldn't have had to face the students coming back. That would have been sweeeeeet.

Mind you, if the world had ended I would not have got my new boots. I obviously wouldn't have been around to care though so it's not much consolation.

Still, I've not over-reacted as much as that poor lassie in India who committed suicide. I don't want to speak ill of the dead and it's a freaking tragedy but killing yourself seems to me to be one of the most stupid and futile responses to the end of the world possible. I mean really, WTF? That's like chucking paraffin on a chip pan fire.

More evidence that George Clooney should call me...

“I couldn’t do what Brad and Angie are doing. I wouldn’t have the patience or dedication you need to take care of a family. I admire those qualities in other people but it’s not for me. I’m doing exactly what I want to.” George Clooney admits he’s unlikely to ever become a father, while promoting his new film at the Venice Film Festival with good friend Brad Pitt, father of six children with Angelina Jolie.

Gorgeous gorgeous George, I don't like the little rug rats either. Let's talk. In fact, let's not talk. Talking is the last thing we should be doing. Well, maybe a little talking after all the other stuff...

George's reaction?



Dammit!

It Works On So Many Levels

More bad tattoos here

http://cityrag.blogs.com/main/2008/08/bad-tattoos-in.html

I'm... what's the word? Impressed by the under boob one as well.

Horses for Courses?

Well, after all that heady literary talk and stretching of my intellectual muscles I've discovered the deep joy of Jilly Cooper novels this week. Man, you get your money's worth with one of her books. I spent every spare waking moment for about five days reading Riders and thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it. What a book! "A great rollercoaster of a novel with a couple of hot gypsies thrown in?" Well it's non-stop action all the way through but there's only one gypsy.

The only trouble with reading Riders is that you get the feeling that instead of slogging away in nine to five dreariness you should be guzzling champagne and enjoying the heady and hectic lifestyle of those on the international show jumping circuit. It reinforced my opinion that I should be rich and idle, instead of just poor and idle. Sigh.

I found these smashing Prada boots when browsing all the shoes I can't afford on the Saks Fifth Avenue web site. They would be just the thing for rolling about in the hay with Rupert Campbell Black don'tcherthink?

And check out the back view. How ridiculously sexy does that look? Imagine standing there, purposefully whacking the riding crop against the leather of those boots and telling Rupert he performed abysmally in that last round and will have to be punished....

Gosh. I think I might have to go for a little lie down now.

Y' What?

I thought of several things I wanted to blog about this week (nutrition, war, language, etc.) but somehow never got around to any of it. Dang! Maybe I'll get around to my waffle next week. Hey ho.

So I thought while we were on the subject of good books I'd just share the book that I'm currently reading. I started it two days ago and it's one of those books you can't wait to get home and start reading. Oooh, I love those kinds of books!

The other night I was looking for something a bit more intellectually challenging than the excellently entertaining chick lit I've been gorging on recently. I had just finished re-reading Me and Mr Darcy by Alexandra Potter (Don't judge me! I'm a sucker for trashy chick lit and I love Jane Austen, the mother of all chick lit.) and wasn't in the mood for more happy ever after just at that point. A friend gave me this book for my birthday and I was immediately intrigued by the cover and the fact that the pages are all black around the edges. As soon as you look at it this is an interesting book.

It just gets better from there. In a nutshell it's about Ariel, an unconventional and very interesting woman, who happens across a cursed book in the course of her PhD research. Then it all gets weird and complicated. To quote a user on Amazon: "The central themes of this book are deep and metaphysical; it deals with language, thought and existence, borrowing from Derrida, Heidegger and Samuel Butler. There is also a fair dollop of quantum theory thrown in... That Thomas has even managed to produce anything remotely readable from her heavy subject matter is testament to what a talented novelist she is."

Oh, my poor deprived and starved brain is loving it!

Now if you'll excuse me there's a couch with my name on it waiting at home. I wonder if she dies at the end? 'Tis possible at this point...

Classic Books and Reading and Stuff

One of my friends sent me this list of classic books. You're supposed to follow the instructions below and show the online blogging community what a little bookworm you are.

Well, why the heck not?

Below is a list of classic books and you are supposed to look at the list and:

1. Bold those you have read.
2. Italicise those you intend to read.
3. [Bracket] the books you LOVE.
4. Underline those you HATE.
Or surround with asterisks if blogger won't underline stuff.
5. Reprint this list on your own blog.

[Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen]
The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee 
The Bible (Bits of it. That counts right?)
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
[Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell]
 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
Complete Works of Shakespeare (Again, most of it!)
Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
Middlemarch - George Eliot
Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell (I read the sequel. Does that count?)
The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
Bleak House - Charles Dickens
War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
[The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams]
Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
[Emma - Jane Austen] [Persuasion - Jane Austen]
 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis 
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
[Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden]
[Winnie-the-Pooh - AA Milne]
 Animal Farm - George Orwell
 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins 
Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
[The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood]
Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Atonement - Ian McEwan
Fire and Hemlock - Dianna Wynne-Jones
Dune - Frank Herbert
Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
[Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen]
A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
 [Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez]
Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
The Secret History - Donna Tartt
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
On The Road - Jack Kerouac
Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
 [Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding]
Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
Moby-Dick - Herman Melville
*Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens* (Had to do it in school. Bah!)
Dracula - Bram Stoker
The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
Ulysses - James Joyce
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
Germinal - Emile Zola
Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
Possession - A. S. Byatt
A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
The Color Purple - Alice Walker
The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
Charlotte’s Web - EB White
The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
*The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks* (I got SO bored)
Watership Down - Richard Adams
A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
Hamlet - William Shakespeare
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Still Don't Know What To Do With A Sick Lemon Though

I just spent 4 days intensively learning how to be a competent First Aider folks. Go me! I have a certificate, badge and a hideously garish green lanyard. Unpleasant accessories aside, I feel all virtuous and like a useful member of society now. I'm probably going to forget all that I have learned very quickly but I thought I should share a few of the most important/most surprising things I found out. Useful knowledge is a thing that should be shared after all :o)

In no particular order:

No 1.

Never, ever, ever try and pop a dislocated limb back into the socket. Despite what the movies and Mel Gibson tell you this is a really dangerous thing to do. You could trap nerves and do a lot more damage.

No 2.

The difference between somebody having a heart attack and somebody having an epileptic fit is vital to remember because epileptics can stop breathing for up to 25 seconds when a fit is coming on. Epileptics go rigid before a fit whereas somebody who has had a heart attack will still be floppy. You're supposed to check breathing for 10 seconds before initiating CPR usually so watch for this sign.

No 3.

CPR is bloody hard work. You really have to press down on the chest cavity for it to be effective. It has to go down by about 4-5cm (1.5 - 2 inches). Also don't give really deep rescue breaths because this could cause the casualty to vomit, which would make CPR even more unpleasant. The good news is that you can sing Nellie the Elephant or Marie's Wedding and that is equivalent to the 30 chest compressions needed between the 2 rescue breaths. That means if you panic and forget how to count you're ok as long as you can remember to stop when you get to '...trump trump trump.'

No 3.1

ALWAYS call for an ambulance before starting CPR, or get somebody else to do it, and tell the emergency services you have an unconscious casualty who is not breathing. You'll get bumped to the top of the queue then.

No 3.2

Remember to tell them exactly where you are as well!

No 4.

The little rhyme to help with treating shock and other circulatory problems: Lie the casualty down and....

If they're pale, raise the tail (feet. To help blood flow to the heart and lungs)
If they're red, raise the head (for the same reason just in a different direction)

No 5.

Somebody with a nosebleed should not hold their head back to stem the flow. This could cause blood to go down their throat and into their stomach and they could vomit. The stomach does not like blood (except in black pudding. Yum!) and rejects it. A person with a nosebleed should pinch the soft part of the nose together and be encouraged to sit down and lean forward for about 10 minutes to allow a clot to form. They can spit out any blood that goes into their mouth into a bowl or something. After this tell them NOT to pick or blow their nose for a while because it could dislodge the clot. If a severe nosebleed carries on for more than 10 minutes send them to hospital.

No 6.

Anyone who has the Heimlich or abdominal thrusts performed on them because of choking MUST go to hospital to be checked out. Those manoeuvres can cause a lot of internal injury so it's better to be safe than sorry. Oh, and Zoe tells me that people apparently vomit after having a Heimlich so have a bucket handy.

Hopefully I'll not have to use some of the more extreme things I've learned though. For example, I do not fancy having to bandage up a fractured collar bone because they're supposed to hurt like burgery and I'd worry I'd make things worse. I think if any little students have panic attacks in Freshers' week I'll be well able to cope though. Unfortunately the answer is not to slap them....

Ok, it's to remove them from the cause of the anxiety to somewhere quiet and private. Explain you thing they're having a panic attack and then get them to breathe into a paper bag or their cupped hands. This is because there's too much oxygen in their system and they need to get more CO2 in instead. Once they calm down tell them to seek medical help if it's their first one or give them a cup of tea and send them on their way. Job done.

So there we go. You can sleep slightly safer in each other's beds now knowing that I'm all trained up and ready to administer sticking plasters and triangular bandages in an instant, provided the first aid kit has such things in it....

Didn't Last Long...

Ok, so the not moaning did not last very long. I stumbled across something today that got me flexing the old rant muscles again...

PETA - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. I believe that's what it stands for and, to be fair, on the face of it they stand for a noble sentiment. I agree that animal welfare should not be sacrificed in the name of the almighty dollar, but mostly because well looked after beasties taste sooooo much better. The chicken I had at a make shift roadside greasy spoon in Mexico was some of the best godsdamn chicken I've tasted in quite a while. There was a suspicion that the family who ran the eaterie possibly kept the chickens themselves out the back, which would explain the great flavour. That all might not be true but I like to think it is so who are you to rain on my parade?

Anyway, back to the point - PETA in themselves are not noble in my opinion. They are terrible bitchy horrible people who seem to try and get their point across in the stupidest ways possible. If PETA were a person or persons they would be the group of popular and pretty girls in high school that band together and derive pleasure from ridiculing and torturing anyone they think deserves it (i.e. anyone who is not in their clique). Witness the above caricatures of the Olsen twins. Now, this pair are not my most favourite people on the face of the planet, more so after I ended up sitting through New York Minute because it was one of the only English language films I could find on Mexican television (Eugene Levy, what were you thinking? Mortgage payments I hope!). They seem to be just another pair of vacuous twits who have floated to the top of the scum pool that is Hollywood and the bizarre industry that incorporates celebrity gossip and paparazzi. I don't think they deserve to be so cruelly caricatured in such an immature and nasty way though.

So what got me going today? On my usual daily perusal of the celebrity gossip websites (I said it was bizarre and I didn't condemn it because that'd make me a hypocrite. Let's face it, humans have always been fascinated by what the idle rich are doing.) I found this

http://www.mollygood.com/peta-must-be-desperate-20080716/

Corey Feldman has jumped on the PETA bandwagon and seems to be trying to convince us to live on frozen veg. Corey Feldman? Oh puhleeease!

It didn't just stop there though.

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=grill


I found the above blog through comments on the Mollygood post. It's a very interesting post/article... Well, it's a rant really but he spouts a lot of facts and figures to back it up. The email from PETA and his response to it are well worth checking out as well.

As I said, I'm all for treating the animals I eat well and I always buy free range and organic where possible but these PETA a-holes make me want to eat a bacon sandwich while wearing a fur coat and poking a battery chicken with a stick.

To end on a more positive note I did a Google image search for "Cutest kitten ever" and got some pretty keeeeeyoooot results. This one is the winner today though. Aaaaw! Look at its little paws and wee ears and big eyes. Aaaargh! The cuteness!

Cox! Get it? Sounds A Bit Like Bum...*

So, I didn't win the lottery. Boooo. No shiny new shoes for me.

This is a shame because I just found these. Dorothy (surprise surprise!) by Patrick Cox.

Now Patrick Cox is one of those shoe designers that gets mentioned in British fashion contexts so I thought it was about time I investigated. (Ok, so being mentioned amounts to once in Spaced and once in some chick lit I was reading. It was enough to make an impact though.)

I wasn't astoundingly impressed by what I saw on the website until I found these. Aren't they fun! £225 worth of fun in silver on poshu.co.uk or £260 in black on square.casobi.com (they have my size. Nnnggggg!) It looks like you might not be able to get the red ones for love nor money though. Shame!

Aaah, another pretty pair of shoes to dream about and aspire to. I'll have to make do with my £20 from New Look sequinned stand-ins meanwhile...

*Blackadder II in case you don't recognise it.

Oooh, Tuesday Shoes!

So, I seem to have been doing a lot of moaning recently - and not in a good way! It can't be good for my soul so I'm going to try being a little positive for a change.

Check out these shoes! They're by Robert Clergerie and they're called Marge. Ok so they spelled it wrong but it's a very pretty shoe to have named after you, or 'adorable sandle' as Zappos describe it.

At $464 a pop I doubt I'll be owning a pair of these beauties very soon but they look quite sensible enough to tromp about it and would probably do for smart or casual occasions. Maybe if I've won the lottery? I must go check my ticket....

Wait, What?

So, in my job I occasionally I get sent emails to send on to students. They are usually in regard to summer school courses, essay competitions, conferences, etc. You can imagine the sorts of things. Today I got this one forwarded to me for student interest which said this:

Online application is possible now for the M.A. International Relations Online, starting this October!

Um, what? The students I deal with are all here, at this university, doing either an MA in Politics or and MA in International Relations. Buh? There's a few that I'd like to encourage to go and study elsewhere but I don't think I'm really allowed to. Should I blithely send this on as suggested or should I take a step back and think about it for a few minutes? I tend to go with the latter option.

Oh, and while I'm having a bit of a rant (but a fairly quiet one) I spotted a packet of McVities reduced fat chocolate digestives in the supermarket today. Sheesh! I hate those products. Stop flipping kidding yourself and just don't eat biscuits! I guess some people like the reduced fat version of things like crisps and biscuits but I think you should just stop deluding yourself and try to learn to like the low fat alternatives. As a sporadic dieter for the best part of the last 16-odd years I've found that after a while it does actually work. Of course, something comes along and you get right back on the lard wagon eventually but you don't try to tell yourself that it's really ok to eat 6 bags of crisps because they're baked instead of fried. Plus, they usually taste like cardboard anyway which just adds to the misery and self-flagellation that being on that kind of diet engenders.

Sorry about the rant but that's been bugging me. Blogging is supposed to be cathartic, right?

Anyhoo, I'm off for a cup of tea and some proper chocolate biscuit action. Dipping carrot sticks in your cuppa just isn't the same!

W(hy)TF???

Ok, so when I was on holiday in Amsterdam I was really upset because I thought my digital camera had broken. The batteries had run down so I replaced them with some I had purchased in Holland. Lo and behold the camera stopped working. I was really bummed out because I'd only managed to take about 20 pictures and it was a really expensive camera.

As a result of this I had to borrow a digital camera from a very kind friend for my recent trip to Mexico. When in Mexico I had to change the batteries in the borrowed camera and EXACTLY the same thing happened to that one.

"Oh no!" I thought, "Am I a flipping camera jinx?" Then I realised that I had again tried to use the batteries that I had bought in Amsterdam. I popped in a pair of good ol' British AAs and the blessed thing worked. Hoorah!

Ok, so apparently batteries have different voltages in different countries and that's why the Dutch batteries didn't work with the British camera.

What the hell?

Did anyone else know this was the case? Am I the only dumbass that didn't know this or is it a secret handed down from electrical engineer to electrical engineer in a secret ceremony?

Well, I'm outing the information people! Knowledge transfer is a big buzzword these days so pass it on.

I'm also going to buy another pair of these rechargeable USB batteries that you see above. Well handy!

FAIL Blog

The FAIL Blog has been linked from I Can Has Cheezburger and I love it! It too has a random button. Oh dear...

Some of my faves:

http://failblog.org/2008/01/04/fish-fail/

http://failblog.org/2008/03/26/fair-game-fail/

http://failblog.org/2008/03/23/dancing-fail/

Funk to Funky

It's kinda worrying how happy a DVD box set can make you isn't it? Or is that just me? Probably. Sigh.

I spent a lot of last week in deep anxiety that the postie was going to pilfer my mail, or should I say male? Mmm, Gene Genie.

In a frenzy of rabid fandom I pre-ordered my Ashes to Ashes box set on Amazon almost as soon as I could. For some stupid reason, I can't for the life of me remember why, I put the delivery address as my flat instead of work. Whyyyyyy? Why did I do that? I didn't realise I had until I got the confirmation of despatch email and then, as I said, I spent several anxious days waiting for it to be delivered. I thought perhaps if the Ashes to Ashes DVDs were the same size as the Life on Mars ones were then they would fit through my letterbox.

However, the postie either a) can never get access to the stair to deliver the mail through letterboxes or b) can't be arsed climbing the stairs. The perpetual pile of mail at the bottom of the stairwell is a constant annoyance for me because nobody else in the stair seems to want to deal with it. What do they think? The Mail Fairies take it away. Gaaaah. Just don't get me started.

Anyhoo, joy of joys the note from the Royal Mail to say that my parcel couldn't be delivered finally appeared on Friday afternoon. Hoorah! I almost considered getting up and going to fetch it on Saturday morning but in the event the lure of my bed was too much to resist so my DVDs had to languish at the sorting office over the weekend. Poor things.

I eventually managed to retrieve them on Monday evening but was forced to socialize with a good friend and drink wine instead of rushing home to watch the entire series all in one sitting. Waily! I did manage to squeeze in one and a half episodes before bed though. Hoorah! It's really quite thrilling to watch them again with the knowledge of where the series goes and what the twists are. I'm having great fun trying to spot the clues and looking for hints as to where the next series is going to go.

And of course, I'm falling in love all over again with Gene Hunt. They really sexed him up for the 80's by the way. He's all slick and Thatcherite Gene Genie. Phwoooaarrrrr! For my gentle readers who haven't seen Life on Mars they will not know what the hell I am on about. Suffice to say that Philip Glenister, as DCI Gene Hunt, is one of the hottest unlikely sex symbols ever. I remember the relief I felt when I found out that it was actually ok to fancy him. Phew! I'm not as big a sexual pervert as I thought. Honest guv!

The fan forums on Facebook are making this one of the most enjoyable bits of television I've seen for a good long while as well. I was able to keep up with the episode discussions without spoilers because I'd seen them when they were broadcast and I've been reading the theories about where the series is going with interest. If some of the more perceptive fans are right there's more to the Gene Genie than meets the eye, a whole hell of a lot more! I won't say anything here because I wouldn't want to spoil Life on Mars or Ashes to Ashes for anyone that wants to go and check them out. However, I would heartily recommend you do, especially if you enjoy the likes of Get Carter, The Sweeney, The Professionals and Starsky & Hutch.

So anyway, continuing my theme of attractive men, above is a picture of the delicious Philip Glenister. He's so handsome, no?

No? Oh well, all the more for me! :oP

Iron Man Is A Mortal Man (Hallelujah!)

So I went to see Iron Man last night and I'm happy to report I thoroughly enjoyed it. It has humour, action, a superbly bad baddie and Robert Downey Jr. Rrrrawwrrrr. Admittedly I could have happily sat and looked at a picture of RDJ for two hours and still thought I'd got my money's worth but the film was thoroughly entertaining as well. Thank goodness Gwynnie only mildly annoyed me! Her character is a good one so if you kind of half squint you can forget it's her. Then RDJ appears on the screen again and suddenly everything is right with the world. Sigh.

Anyway, I spent a lot of that film scrutinising the divinely handsome and delicious looking Mr Downy Jr and spotted (ha ha!) something amazing. There are a lot of close-up shots of his face when he's flying about in his Iron Man suit and I noticed that he had a spot erupting on the left hand side of his nose. I tell you, that's the sexiest damn pluke I've ever seen in my life. Believe it or not, it added to his attractiveness for me. I'm also quite amazed it hasn't been CGI'd out or anything. I'm sure if that blemish had been anywhere near Miss Paltrow they would have spent hefty amounts of cash getting it out of the film. That's probably a sad indication of the unfair pressure on women in Hollywood (and life in general) to look immaculate at all times but I'd rather contemplate how dashing and lickable RDJ is than get on my soap box.

I will take a moment to say how impressed I am with Jeff Bridges though. That man is a bloody good actor and it's probably not said enough. It took me a good few moments to realise it was him with the baldy heid and the huge beard.

Ok, back to RDJ now. Yumsle! The film is kind of the RDJ show, in the same way that A Streetcar Named Desire became the Marlon Brando show, but as I said - That's fine by me. Oh! How beautiful was Marlon Brando in Streetcar, while we're on the subject. Wow!

Anyway, I didn't realise that there's a whole extra scene at the end of the credits on Iron Man so I'll just have to go and see it again. That's my excuse anyway and I'm sticking to it!

By the way, how cute is this picture? I found it while looking for images and couldn't resist. I used the one at the top of the post because I wanted one that showed off 'The Guns' and, surprisingly enough, there didn't seem to be that many. I would have thought the Iron Man marketing team would have been bunging loads out. RDJ is looking well buff these days! Oh go on, I'll say it one more time - Phwoooaarrrrrrrrr!

Prawns and Pink Fizz and Prada, Oh My!

So, it was a bank holiday yesterday for everyone in Scotland, except anyone who works where I work. Waaaaaaaah! I was sat in the office with a great view of all the swines lounging about in George Square. They really didn't look like they were enjoying the sun at all. No, it looked terrible out there.

Sigh.

But fear not gentle reader, I did get invited to my first barbecue of the season yesterday. Huzzah! By the time I got to my friends' house there was a teeny sliver of sunshine left in the corner of their garden but the BBQ had been lit in preparation an hour earlier... and in true BBQ tradition had gone out again. Hey ho, we just lit it again and had some more pink fizzy wine.

Eventually we chucked some prawns on the barbie, and some veggie kebabs. There are few things in life that are as yummy as a barbecued mushroom in my opinion, they are just delishiooose! Then on went the sausages and burgers for a good old grilling and they all got scoffed. That HP BBQ sauce is pretty dang tasty as well. I doused my burger in it to the point of drippiness but it would have been uncouth to have drunk it. Bah. The whole evening was rounded off with absolutely huge strawberries, they may even have been the size of the proverbial hand fruit. Gosh! It was only after I left that I realised I was stuffed to capacity and if anyone had been unwise enough to poke me in the belly it would have been disastrously messy. Now, that's the sign of a good BBQ!

So I'm glad I got to go to at least one barbecue this summer. I wonder if this bodes well for the rest of the season? After the horrible summer we had last year I do hope so. The funny thing was that although it had been an absolutely lovely day and the evening was cool but not cold, we could see our breath. Now that's a Scottish barbecue!

Today The Manolo brought our attention to these sandles from Prada. Again, they're probably a bit ridiculously pricey but they're also ridiculously beautiful. Would these not be the perfect thing for a barbecue? Just right for dropping ketchup on your foot, or even BBQ sauce!

Taking Jelly Shoes To The Ridiculous Conclusion?

So, perusing the usual Blog Roll today I came across a reference to some new Stella McCartney sandals.

"Stella McCartney lucite-heel sandals: Transparency is one trend where accessories add just the right touch. McCartney's bottle-green sandals marry a tough gladiator feel with a Lucite heel. $1,195 at www.net-a-porter.com."

Hold on a minute! $1,195??? I just did a currency conversion on that and it comes out to £600.93.

Six hundred squid for what is essentially a pair of jelly shoes?

Oh hang on though, if you go to Net-A-Porter's UK website they're a snip at £545. That's ok then. Stella obviously does a discount for her fellow Limeys.

As Manolo would say "Ayyyyy!"

For a bit of fun I thought I'd go and see what I'd rather spend £545 on and was spoilt for choice.

With summer approaching there's these gorgeous Emilio Pucci espadrilles. A bargainous £375.

Just another example of how money can't buy you taste!

Quote of the Day

I just came across this quotation from Katherine Hepburn today. Gotta love the woman!

"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married."

This lead me to investigate some of her other quotes. Here's another gem:

"If you're given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal."

Does anyone want to give me that choice? No? Aw c'mon!

That lead me to check out some more quotes on the Quote of the Day page I found. http://www.quotedb.com/

Here's a goodie

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
Steve Martin

Some more Steve Wisdom

"All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work."

And then I found one from Mark Twain. This is like getting stuck in a Wikipedia loop!

"Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest."

To finish, and lower the tone to a more familiar level, a couple from Mae West...

"Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you."

"The curve is more powerful than the sword."

Must Be Nice To Be A Muse

I was idly checking out the news items on the BBC web site when I came across this story:

"The woman who inspired one of Sir John Betjeman's most famous poems has died at the age of 92. Joan Jackson was immortalised in print as Miss J Hunter Dunn in Sir John's 1941 poem, A Subaltern's Love Song."

I wasn't familiar with this poem but I was recently looking at some of Betjeman's poetry because I'd been talking to Nat about a quotation from him. I decided to check out the poem and I'm so glad I did because it's lovely. Poetry's not usually my bag (baby!) but I like what I've seen of Betjeman's stuff so I must make an effort to look out more of it.

Anyway, there's a quote in the news story from the lady in question's son - "She never said she was proud to be his muse but she did not consider it a joke."

Having read the poem I have to say if I'd inspired such a beautiful piece of writing I'd be proud. Perhaps her modesty was another of her charms?

Anyway, here it is. Read and sigh away like me

*sigh*

A Subaltern's Love Song

Miss J. Hunter Dunn, Miss J. Hunter Dunn,
Furnish'd and burnish'd by Aldershot sun,
What strenuous singles we played after tea,
We in the tournament - you against me!

Love-thirty, love-forty, oh! weakness of joy,
The speed of a swallow, the grace of a boy,
With carefullest carelessness, gaily you won,
I am weak from your loveliness, Joan Hunter Dunn.

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
How mad I am, sad I am, glad that you won,
The warm-handled racket is back in its press,
But my shock-headed victor, she loves me no less.

Her father's euonymus shines as we walk,
And swing past the summer-house, buried in talk,
And cool the verandah that welcomes us in
To the six-o'clock news and a lime-juice and gin.

The scent of the conifers, sound of the bath,
The view from my bedroom of moss-dappled path,
As I struggle with double-end evening tie,
For we dance at the Golf Club, my victor and I.

On the floor of her bedroom lie blazer and shorts,
And the cream-coloured walls are be-trophied with sports,
And westering, questioning settles the sun,
On your low-leaded window, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.

The Hillman is waiting, the light's in the hall,
The pictures of Egypt are bright on the wall,
My sweet, I am standing beside the oak stair
And there on the landing's the light on your hair.

By roads "not adopted", by woodlanded ways,
She drove to the club in the late summer haze,
Into nine-o'clock Camberley, heavy with bells
And mushroomy, pine-woody, evergreen smells.

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
I can hear from the car park the dance has begun,
Oh! Surrey twilight! importunate band!
Oh! strongly adorable tennis-girl's hand!

Around us are Rovers and Austins afar,
Above us the intimate roof of the car,
And here on my right is the girl of my choice,
With the tilt of her nose and the chime of her voice.

And the scent of her wrap, and the words never said,
And the ominous, ominous dancing ahead.
We sat in the car park till twenty to one
And now I'm engaged to Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.

I Love The Hoff!

Ladies and gentlemen, the Hoff aint dead yet! Hoorah!

Spam Is Getting Stranger All The Time

What is it with spammers? Sometimes you look at the emails you get and you can't believe anybody would fall for that, in their right minds or not!

I've noticed that dating websites seem to spam the celebrity gossip rag blogs that I am hopelessly addicted to these days. Under a story about how Madonna's marriage to Guy Ritchie is as strong as ever is some weird message stating they think she's really pretty and they saw her profile on a millionaire's dating site. WTF? It's just annoying.

Anyway, I was doing one of my periodical clean outs of my Spam folder in Gmail* and came across one that made me pause...

The subject line was 'become an unexcelled lover'.

WTF? My brain couldn't quite process this concept. With reflection I realise it means 'excelled by none' but at the time all I could think of was that they were offering you the chance to become crap in bed. It must have been all the emails surrounding it that were offering cheap viagra and ways to satisfy your woman that muddled my mind. I was tickled with the following visual image...

There was Juan, exhausted from an afternoon of pleasuring nubile young ladies, snatching a few brief moments between snatches to check his email. "Mi dios!" he exclaims, "Just what I have been looking for. This incessant accomplished and passionate love making is exhausting me. How many are the times have I wished I was not such an excellent lover! I must send these kind people my bank details immediately."

Anyway, here's a picture of David Tennant as Casanova. I haven't seen the series myself but I have just got it for Kirsi for her birthday (Ssssh! Don't tell her yet.) It's not Sci Fi but I'm hoping we can work it into the Sci Fi Sunday Schedule because I want to see it too. She'll probably watch it all in one sitting and then lend me the DVDs though. I don't think she could wait between Sundays for her Tennant fix. Hey ho, I'll let you know if it's any good :o)


*I usually check in case some message I do actually want to read has been shovelled in there. I'm waiting for somebody on GumTree to get back to me about a couple of free shoe racks they were advertising. They haven't though. Sheesh! Courtesy costs nothing. Even a wee email to say "thanks for your interest but they're gone" wouldn't have taken 30 seconds to dash off. Man, I hate people!

Ahem. Rant over.

WTF?

These Prada efforts would set you back $790 at Saks Fifth Avenue but I have to ask why would you bother? They're frigging hideous!

Sigh, Sigh and Sigh Again

So yeah, yesterday was pretty dang annoying. The afternoon wound on at a very slow pace until it was FINALLY time to leave the office. I was off to the Film House to meet Louise and indulge in a bit of classic Hollywood. I'd been looking forward to this for aaaaages, we were going to see Now Voyager.

The crappiness of yesterday carried on because on my way to the Film House the number 35 bus was at the stop on Lauriston Place. This is the bus that would take me right to Cineworld but today I was not going to that cinema so it was no good to me. Typical!

Anyhoo, I got there on time and met Louise and Little Lord Duff in the Film House cafe. Little Jim was not a happy baby (I'm sorry he was like this but it is reassuring to know it's not just when he sees me!) so we had to take him outside. After about 10 minutes his daddy turned up and Leese and I got to ditch the kid and go for some wine. Hoorah! I'm sure Leese won't mind me saying that, she was looking forward to a glass as much as me! ;o)

We sucked back some lovely shiraz and got settled in to cinema 3 to enjoy the movie.

And oh how I enjoyed it!

It was superb. Bette Davis was marvelous, both as the dowdy and downtrodden Charlotte and as Charlotte trying to find the balance between freedom and being a dutiful daughter. Marvelous! Paul Henreid was just gorgeous as the unhappily married architect and Claude Rains was adorable as the kindly doctor.

One other thing I adored about this movie was that it gave due importance to shoes. One of the first glimpses you get of the mysterious Charlotte is a shot of her clumpy, sensible shoes creeping down the staircase and hesitating while she listens to what they are saying about her. "Look at my shoes!" Charlotte cries during her outburst to Dr Jaquith, "They are shoes my mother would approve of!" And when Charlotte has been coaxed out of her shell and a butterfly is emerging, the first glimpse we see of the new, improved Charlotte is a gorgeous pair of black and white heels coming down the gangplank. The shoes maketh the woman.

Brilliant, brilliant film. I must buy it!

April Fool? Ha Bloody Ha.

What is it with today? It's the first of April, All Fools' Day, but it seems to me the universe is having a cruel laugh at my expense today. Sigh.

I didn't set my alarm properly so slept in. I'm having a horrendous hair day and I couldn't find anything to wear because I did my laundry yesterday. Well, anything I really wanted to wear and you know how leaving the house in something you're not sure about unsettles your whole day. The hair thing is bad too, it's all freaking static. So anyway, I had a huge crisis over what colour tights to wear because I couldn't seem to find a clean black pair without a hole in them. Luckily a pair from the wash yesterday weren't too soggy so on they went.

Then I went to Scotmid to treat myself to a croissant, popped one I'd carefully selected in a bag and then watched as it went straight through the bag and landed on the floor. The bag was faulty and my croissant was sitting on the filthy floor of the supermarket. Great.

Then I found the fastener on my umbrella is broken. I found this out when the weather couldn't make up its mind if it was going to rain or not. I put my brollie up and down about 3 times between my flat and the office! I'd also put on a lighter scarf in the mistaken optimism that perhaps the weather yesterday was a taste of things to come. WRONG! I found out I was wrong when I left the house and had the wind whistling down the back of my neck.

Sigh.

And it goes on I'm afraid...

I got rained on at lunch time. "Will I need my brollie when I go out?" I asked my colleague. Her opinion was not. WRONG! I got rained on. My one consolation is it was so windy the umbrella would not have helped all that much and would probably have ended up in the bin.

Then I got back to the office and somehow managed to snag my tights on my socks. WTF? How does that happen? The freaking tights I took so godsdamn long to locate this morning now have a big hole in the foot. I don't have a spare pair of black in the drawer either, used them the other day. Crapholes! I've put some Prit Stick on the hole and tried to stuff it into my shoe but the ladder will probably get bigger and bigger as the day goes on.

And then, just a few moments ago, my favourite pearl necklace (no jokes please, I'm just not in the mood) broke.

Sure, the damn thing only cost about £1.49 in Superdrug and it's the second one I've been through but dammitt! It had to happen today didn't it? What else is going to happen? Actually, scratch that. I don't want to think about it. It's tempting fate too much....

Got To Love Nemi

Click for bigger :o)

Puts It In Perspective....

I've been bitching and moaning about my job for a while now but I got a head hunting email from a recruitment website that made me feel better about my lot....

This is the position that they're trying to fill:

Office Administrator

Edinburgh £Negotiable (depending on experience) but exceeds the minimum wage

This is an exciting opportunity to join a leading firm of Sheriff Officers, providing comprehensive adminstrative support to our Sheriff Officer/Enquiry Services team. With experience in a similar role, you will require to have strong I.T. and communications skills and enjoy working as part of a team in a busy office environment. Ideally, we are looking for someone with previous experience in a supervisory role.

THE ROLE

The role will involve

Dealing with day to day instructions received from clients and processing instructions onto [the] system. Dealing with telephone calls from both clients/ debtors. Working closely with Management and Sheriff Officers to ensure workload is completed within timescales allowed. Keeping a daily diary and writing straightforward reports when necessary.

I guess it's reassuring that the pay is more than the minimum wage (anything less would be illegal wouldn't it?) but I still don't fancy it. Students may be horrible to work with but I'd hate to work for Sheriff Officers. Dealing with telephone calls from debtors?? Yeeesh! No thanks.

Still, I'm not saying I'd never do this job I'm just saying I'd rather not and it all makes my wages and pension and sick pay and nice view out of the window that much more attractive.

So I guess the message is stop and smell the flowers (specifically the bouquet I was given for my excellent help with the TPR last week, which is sitting on the office counter) because things could be a whole lot worse!!

Here's a picture of Javier Bardem smelling some flowers... Yum!

Clever and Comfy Shoes?

It's been a while* since I've seen a pair of shoes that I have majorly coveted or have made me audibly gasp but I saw a pair today.

*Possibly because I haven't been looking due to skintness. Sigh.

Anyway. The marvelous Manolo was recommending a pair of Cole Haan shoes to a friend who was going to Vegas for a girly weekend. Oh, how I envy that person! The pair of heels he recommended apparently have Nike Air technology in the soles to make them super comfy. I decided to check out the rest of the Cole Haan collection to see if there were any other heels that have this.

Oh my! Yes there are. These are the Joelle Air Bow Pump in Claret and they made me gasp! Oh how I covet these! Unfortunately I don't have $299 to spend on shoes and I don't know if Zappos ship to the UK. I suspect they do but I'm scared to find out.

Mental note: must find new Sugar Daddy or win the lottery.

Sigh.

Planning Ahead

I heard a story on the news this morning about the rail link between Edinburgh an Glasgow being improved in preparation for the Commonwealth Games in 2014. That in itself was not the bit that caught my attention... it was the bit that said the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow are going to be on at the same time as the first week of the Edinburgh Festival.

Gadzooks!

I tell you now that I think I'd better get the hell out of Dodge at that point or I'm probably going to end up murderising somebody.

Then it struck me that it might be a good idea to set up a 'Holiday 2014' fund and start paying say £10 or £20 a month into it. By August 2014, if all goes to plan, I should have enough for a really flipping fantastic holiday. I fancy Hawaii or somewhere in South America, though New Zealand and/or Australia would also be strong contenders.

Just imagine wandering happily along pristine white beaches while contemplating all the sweaty, angry, drunk people stuffed into Edinburgh and Glasgow.... Ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh yes, it must be done....

Why Do We Do It?

Not the drinking thing, we all know why we do that! It's fun at the time and loosens us up. No, what I'm asking is why you stop doing it so much as you get a bit older?

Well, there's the obvious answer of not being able to handle the hangovers any more. Time was - in the dim and distant past - you could go out on the lash, drink your bodyweight in cider & black, dance your ass off, stagger home at around 4am and still get up and work a shift in Tesco. Oh no longer! These days 2 glasses of wine on a school night seems to give you a sore head and a mouth like bum in the morning. God forbid you go out on a bender at the weekend, you'll have a 2 day hangover for doing that. The severity of your hangover always seems to be disproportionate to the amount of alcohol you drank as well. As I said, 2 glasses and you feel like the proverbial pig shat in your head.

I have also come to the conclusion that you can't handle the embarrassment of undignified behaviour any more either. In your heady youth the things that would make you cringe with embarrassment were, in no particular order (and I haven't done all of these!):

What you woke up next to in the morning (animal, vegetable or mineral)
The memory of discussing your bra size with your pervy older work colleagues
Being sick on yourself
Being sick on somebody else
Stealing pointless items (traffic cones, posters, etc. Not glasses, glasses are always useful)
Snogging inappropriate people
etc. etc. etc.

I tend not to do such outrageous things these days but my embarrassment threshold has certainly lowered over the years. I went to a party on Saturday evening and am having painful flashbacks to singing karaoke very badly and clutching the hostess while giving her advice on her man troubles... and the advice I gave her was "F*ck him! F*ck him in his stupid ass!" Oh. My. God. Apparently this was the right advice to give at the time but I'm still a little embarrassed because I was standing in the middle of the hallway and said it very loudly at least 3 times.

Oh, and all I seem to be able to talk to strangers about these days is my views on corporal punishment. Luckily on this occasion the lady I was talking to totally agreed with me but I have to admit, I'm even starting to bore myself! Maybe it's not my fault though? I don't want to talk about mortgages or babies or cars or tax breaks or golf or weddings or holidays or any of that. What are you left with? The eternal Alien Vs Predator debate (that's now been answered. It's Predator in case you're wondering, but I suspect only because the film makers imbued them with some human stupidity) and coporal punishment. My embarrassment threshold won't really let me talk to complete strangers about more interesting (and intimate) subjects. Sigh.

I watched La Dolce Vita this weekend and one scene, where Marcello and his crazy ass fiancee go to the party of an intellectual friend, stuck in my mind. There they all are, sitting around being incredibly bohemian and Italian and intellectual, and having wonderfully artistic and philosophical discussions. I was quite jealous. There again, this was a portrayal of unspeakably cool people living in Rome in the 60s so it's probably natural to be jealous. Sigh. The kind of parties I seem to end up at are the ones like the last one of the film - decadence and drunkeness and boredom. Bah!

Hey ho. One drunken idea I had that still seems like a pretty good idea in the cold light of day is a fancy dress party for my birthday. You have been warned....

Who Says Romance Is Dead?

V-D Quote

Yeah, we all hate it and think it's a crock of shite cooked up by smug married capitalists but I did come across this quote which I like:

I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
- Unknown

And some words of wisdom sent to me by my colleague Ewen:

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.

• BERTRAND RUSSELL
• philosopher and writer

I asked Ewen if he thought Bertie just talked that way to get chicks and he replied:

"Reminds me that Clive James, reviewing Ray Monk's biography of Russell, and referring to the tortured prose of Russell's love letters (he and his lady friend used to refer to each other as "thee" and "thou"), described it as "exalted flapdoodle".

Heh heh, he said flap!

Well, that's VD over for another year. Thank flurk!